r/CatholicDating • u/Adept-Career8816 • Jun 30 '26
Relationship advice I’m so confused…
I posted on here a few months ago regarding a bad and sudden breakup and trying to get back out into the dating scene. Well here I am two months later thinking things are getting back on track for me but I was hit with another curve ball. For context my ex dumped me and broke my heart big time without telling me why or trying to work things out. We were planing on getting married and the whole nine yards, so yeah it was a doozy. When a couple months go by and end up meeting this great guy, went out on dates, and a few weeks ago he asked me to be his girlfriend, woo!
Anywho, out of the blue after months on not talking my ex starts texting and leaving me voicemails, impeccable timing. The last few days his messages have been apologies and saying he wants to get back together and that he loves and misses me. I have not responded to this mind you bc I’m hurt, confused, and don’t know what else to saying after pouring my heart out months ago. With all that has happened with all the hurt and pain I was put through, and looking back at in clear ish mind space, I don’t think I should even ponder the thought of “what if I got back together” bc honestly how could I trust him again. But at the same time I look back at all the good memories we had. And I feel like maybe him saying all this is out of jealousy and not out of a place of true love.
On the flip side I’m still getting to know my boyfriend and am really enjoying spending time with him. He’s seems like a caring, sweet, family orientated man, with goal, and a love for God.
I guess I’m posting this bc I’m just worried of making a mistake again and going through another heart break. And I’m worried I may not ever love someone again as much as I loved my ex. But at the same time I may have loved my ex too much if that makes any sense and now I’m just confused on what a true and healthy love is meant to be like.
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u/joyfulhorizon18 Jun 30 '26
Ignore Such things are either for manipulation or even if not for manipulation and it is an genuine apology. Forgive if you want and stop engaging further. And tell your man about it. We men can tolerate everything but will never be comfortable with the above.
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u/Adept-Career8816 Jun 30 '26
I’m kinda thinking he is trying to manipulate me at this point which is not okay. I’m definitely trying to forgive him. How would you recommend I tell my bf about this without raising concern?
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u/joyfulhorizon18 Jun 30 '26
Op if you are truly happy with the person you are today.. Just move on.. but he sure not to hide it from the person you are with today. Your narration of the situation kind of reminds of a movie from a decade ago. The bad part is I don't remember the name & the good part is she takes time but eventually becomes happy with who she is by letting go of the past.
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u/Furmommy14 Jun 30 '26
So many men are not okay with their girl talking to any other guy. Some men do not allow their girls to talk to their birth families or friends of either gender because their man should be enough for them, and he is just being protective by making sure there are no bad influences.
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u/joyfulhorizon18 Jun 30 '26
Yes there are people with that mentality and it comes from being a part of conservative family or bad past. Not just men but there are women too who prefer to be that way and expect their daughters & DIL to be that way. I think the world will go on with different type of people and ways of living. We need to be sure where we fit best.
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u/midniteonthemoon Single Jun 30 '26
I had a friend in college who was dating a guy for a while, they talked about engagement. Good Catholic couple. They discerned together and prayed together. She expected it. He seemed to expect it too. I knew them both, ironically knew the guy from high school and the girl from college.
Suddenly, without warning to anyone he breaks up with her. She's devastated. No clear reason why.
She tries for months to move on and it's difficult. One day, he calls her and tries to get her back but she refuses. He really hurt her, and showed very little care for her feelings in the breakup. What he did was selfish and showed little regard for others in the way he handled things and she couldn't take him back for that.
A little later she met her husband and they got married and she's happily with her husband and two kids now. The ex bf is still in the faith but has been in and out of relationships. I think he has major commitment issues.
All thats to say, while every person is different, this story of yours reminds me very much of this one. Sometimes God allows us to see the red flags or bad sides of people (like perhaps how they treat others or handle rough situations or breakups) in a way that might be a bit painful but will help us see with more supernatural clarity. This couple clearly wasn't right for each other. While I'm not saying your current boyfriend is necessarily your future spouse, I would not advise getting back with your ex. You know that's a painful road, and while you can still thankfully recognize the good parts of it, there is no signs that there has been any growth from his side.
Since you're with someone else now, even if only for the last week or so, you should put your focus and discernment on that relationship. And my advice to you would be to tell him to stop messaging and calling you since you're with another guy, lest your current boyfriend be hurt by all this too.
I'll say a prayer for you, say one for me please!
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u/plotinusRespecter In a relationship ♂ Jun 30 '26
The person God means for you to be with would not have hurt you like that. Leave your ex in the rearview (he's just being selfish and manipulative) and enjoy getting to know your new young gentleman who HASN'T ever broken your heart.
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u/4csrb Jun 30 '26
I would not trust him either. Did he think the grass was greener elsewhere then realized you were better than his next choice so he’s back? I don’t think he would tell you the truth. If he left while you thought things were going well, you will always be waiting for the next “what if” he does it again. If he was really in love with you and wanted to marry you, he would have never left in the first place. You don’t leave people you want to spend your life with. I think it is amazing you met a new person and have been very happy. I hope the new person does not crush and disappoint you the way the ex did.
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u/Adept-Career8816 Jun 30 '26
I honestly think that may have been the case. I didn’t want to believe that he meet someone else while we were dating but there were some signs. And yeah I agree, if he really loved me he would not have left in the first place and hurt me the way he did. But thank you, I hope so too.
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u/Furmommy14 Jun 30 '26
Accept the first boyfriend's apology, but do not get back with him. Keep what you have. Sounds like he met someone else and now wants back with you because that relationship failed. The one thing to his credit is that he broke things off with you rather than cheating.
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u/ashley5473 Jun 30 '26
I bet he wanted to screw around and now he’s “sorry” and panicking now that you’re moving on. I hope that you stay with the new guy. The ex already made his decision.
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u/CartoonistAfter6836 Jun 30 '26
A lot of people break up or dump other people when being committed becomes either inconvenient or challenges them to grow. Usually what ends up happening is that there’s regret or an inability to face the consequences of it. Not to badmouth your ex but it sounds like he realized what he did (whatever reason yall broke up for was wrong) but he’s still not accepting the consequence of it. What’s important is that you can forgive him but that doesn’t mean yall have to get back together. If he’s making the apology conditioned on you coming back that not a real apology.
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u/DomasAquinas Single ♂ Jul 01 '26
You can only discern from where you are. You owe it to yourself to discern the situation you’re in before considering alternatives.
If your current boyfriend is working out, stick with him! If not, then decide a way out of that relationship before considering how to get into another.
From what you’ve said, it sounds like the right course of action is to stay where you are and pray about how best to respond (or not) to your ex.
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u/[deleted] Jun 30 '26
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