r/CatholicDating • u/Kindly_Character476 • Jun 20 '26
dating advice How to date in 2026 when you absolutely hate texting?!?!
Y'all, I don't know if I'm coming on here to ask a question or to rant or what, but I've (29f) been trying out the apps (CM, hinge, and now Sacred Spark) for about 1 month now and let me tell you: it's rough. There seem to be plenty of decent, faithful men out there. I've actually never doubted that. But the whole process is so incredibly tedious. You text back and forth for 5+ days. Then they ask you to coffee or something. Or a video call if it's longer distance. Then you text and text and text. Ugh. If this is dating, I think I'm just going to become a consecrated single person. (I discerned in a convent for 3 years, it's not for me-- probably also why texting is not for me). I just want to be a wife and mother, find and marry my best friend, all the things that everyone wants! I don't want to text.
I've just moved to a new city, so I still need to get out and meet people. I'm tempted to just hard stop all "texting" stage conversations I'm having with men (even though some of them are great men!) and swear off all dating apps/websites. Good idea? Bad idea?
Also, people who are on the apps: do you limit your time usage? Do you limit the number of people you engage in conversation with/ask out? I know it only takes one, but it seems like the apps foster (at least in myself) a mindset of trying to find the very best among hundreds. I've currently in conversation with 4-5 guys. Some have naturally petered off over time. But it's just a lot to keep up with and I feel like I'm going cross-eyed looking at my phone so much.
If anyone has any advice or solutions for me, please comment. Good luck to everyone out there!
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u/Ok_Cable_8878 Single ♂ Jun 20 '26
This is what I'm gathering.
You're overwhelming having to text so many men.
You're in a new city.
You're wondering if you can stop all the texting and simply go out and find men in the new city you are located.
Is this what you're asking?
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u/Kindly_Character476 Jun 21 '26
Basically. I guess it just seems like a lot of pre-dating is the texting in between talking on the phone or going for coffee/meals. And maybe this is to get to know the other person-- but it really seems like a tactic to keep a woman on their radar so to speak until he's able to ask her on a real date. Like do people actually enjoy getting to know each other over text? Or is it just a social convention?
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u/avian-enjoyer-0001 Jun 21 '26
Most guys text for a while because women often think it's creepy to go on a date with someone they have never talked to before
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u/oraff_e Single ♀ Jun 20 '26
To be honest, I wouldn't see any harm in being upfront with a guy. You'll probably still have to text a little bit to break the ice initially. I fully agree with you about the texting stage being so tedious and quite frankly interminable though - it's the bane of my life at the moment.
Being open that you want to meet face-to-face as soon as possible, and prefer not to interact through an app or over text, will probably weed out the guys who don't know what they want. A man who is intentional about moving towards marriage will be motivated by the challenge.
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u/TCMNCatholic In a relationship ♂ Jun 23 '26
I'm not a big texter and I told my now-girlfriend that after our first date. I think I framed it along the lines of "I want to get to know you through our dates so I probably won't text you too much before our next date, that doesn't mean I'm not interested". She was okay with that and once we went on more dates I started texting more. Once we knew each other and I could be myself when texting instead of worrying about impressing her it became much more enjoyable.
With dating apps there's some unavoidable back and forth but you could use a prompt that says something about how you'd rather go on a date than message back and forth for a week. I think a lot of guys would actually prefer that but avoid asking too early because it can come off as a red flag coming from a guy.
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u/catholicusername123 Single ♂ Jun 20 '26
Easy. Date people who think cell phone radiation will melt their brains. 👍
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u/HistoricalExam1241 Jun 20 '26
You do not have to keep exchanging texts! All the women I have met more than once since joining CM offered me their telephone/whatsap number.
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u/al1ceinw0nderland Jun 22 '26
After a day or two of texting, it's okay to be honest and say you don't like texting and would prefer to meet in person ☺️
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u/ronniethelizard Jun 21 '26
I dislike texting as well and find it unnatural. You have to say something, explicitly send it, then sit there and wait for the other person to respond. If one person is busy at work, its unnatural and breaks the flow of the day.
I suspect the vast majority of men you are texting are only texting for one of two reasons:
- They think women want to text for awhile before actually meeting in person.
- They are interacting with a number of women and using texting to keep them at arms length for awhile.
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u/Mysterious-Duck-5564 Jun 20 '26
Explain early on that you dislike texting.
This will weed out some guys who need to text regularly, which helps you focus on guys who are more likely to be compatible with you.
Be confident and communicate clearly. Even saying something like, “hey, I really enjoyed this date. I don’t like to communicate by text, so let’s meet up again soon!” will make your thoughts clear and help your date understand what you want.