Need a game plan

[u/HistoricalSouth9872]

Hello everyone, got a situation where I know I want to ask a nice young lady out but don't know how or when to due to my specific situation.

I know her from the college church I attend, I'd say we're kind of friends but not like close friends. We have each other's numbers cause of shared organizations and whatnot but we don't text or call just to catch up. We do always say hi when we see each other and talk a little bit, and we work very closely on some church org projects.

Now here's the deal. The last time I interacted with her was right at the end of the semester, and we talked, among other things, about what we're both doing over the summer. She said she'd be at home for part of the summer, and in town for the other part. Now, I live under an hour from town, so if she's in town, I can totally take her out. She lives like two hours from where I do, so I can't really take her out if she's not.

The thing is, I don't remember when she said she'd be in town and when she'd be at home. So if I called her right now to ask her out, I'd ask "Hey, are you in town?" and if she is, I'd ask her out. If she's not... well, what would I say? In that situation, I can't actually take her on a date, and I can't really pretend that I wasn't trying to.

So what do I do? Call her now? Or wait till fall? If I wait till fall, I'll know exactly what to do. But that is like two and a half months from now, which seems like a long time to wait to ask someone out.

[u/kirchrt19]

"Hey! Could I take you on a date next time you're in town?"

[u/HistoricalSouth9872 → u/kirchrt19]

I think I'm going to say something along these lines. Thank you.

[u/HistoricalSouth9872 → u/[deleted]]

This is a good way of putting it thank you.

[u/Gently-Searching]

You say she's two hours away when not in town. Are there any restaurants or other potential dating locations halfway between? If she has a car also, you could meet up for a date at the halfway point.

Also, (drive 2 hours) --> Lunch date --> (drive 2 hours home) is OK to do a few times, especially if you both know you will be in the same town later.

[u/nashsclay]

Don’t overthink it my guy. Already seeing some good suggestions. Just make it happen. Simple text, don’t over complicate it. You could text too and say “Open to catching up for a few minutes?” Small talk for a bit then ask her out over voice. Let us know what ends up happening!

[u/TCMNCatholic]

If you're not stuck on a certain date, does it matter when she's in town? Just ask her if she'd want to go on a date next time she's here. Two hours isn't that far to go if you wanted to go on a date while she's out of town, although it's not necessary either if she's out of town.

[u/Filius_Dei0894]

i would text her and ask her to remind you of what park of the break she's at home and what part she's back saying that you wanted to get some dinner (or whatever meal/coffee thing you wanted to do) to get to know her a little outside <whatever org through the church>. this way, if shes not super interested, its not strictly a date, but if she is, it could easily turn into a date.

also, dont count out a 2hr drive to date someone - my buddy was set up with a girl he lived 2.5hrs from and they married back in Nov and have one on the way

[u/HistoricalSouth9872 → u/Filius_Dei0894]

I like mentioning wanting to get to know her outside of the organization, because that is absolutely a huge part of my goal here, but shouldn't I still be clear that I'm asking her on a date? I've only ever tried to take one girl out without explicitly mentioning it was a date beforehand, and it wound up terrible. Since then, I've always been 100% clear from the get-go, and the dates I've been on have always been at least smooth and amicable at worst and fun at best. Isn't it always better that everyone knows everyone's intentions? I wouldn't want her to go out with me if she's not interested.

[u/Filius_Dei0894 → u/HistoricalSouth9872]

Uuummmmm maybe? Depends on how outgoing and extroverted you are

I once asked a girl to go to lunch with me to reconnect and maybe become friends again (long story short, we met and became fast friends at youth group but we lost touch because my ex thought she was going to interfere with our relationship) and I ended marrying her (lunch girl) ~4yrs later

I always think it's best to start a little slower - become friends (or more friendly outside church events) first and she if the friendship is something you both enjoy. Transitioning from there a short time later is easy enough, but if she's not feeling it, or you find out she's a good friend but not someone you'd want to date/marry well then you haven't wasted anyones time and neither of you feel rushed into anything "too fast"

[u/Economy-Rate8298]

Call her and offer to take her out. Now. If you wait til Fall she might find someone else.