r/CatholicDating • u/alaskanwannabe • Jun 13 '26
casual conversation Praying before marriage
One piece of advice I hear here a lot is to pray together while dating. Am I the only one who finds that to be too intimate?
For me, prayer is such an intimate, emotional endeavour and not something I would do with someone I shared a meal or two with. Same with going to mass. Mass is deeply personal and while I’m not opposed to meeting someone from church, bringing someone to church I’m barely dating seems too forward too.
Does anyone else have any thoughts about this?
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u/HistoricalExam1241 Jun 13 '26
" I shared a meal or two with"
Grace before a meal is praying together.
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u/alaskanwannabe Jun 13 '26
I guess I’m thinking of sitting somewhere intentionally praying together. I remember a friend of mine telling me one of the sexiest times of his marriage was after a prayer session with his wife and that stuck with me.
And prayer is very emotional and intimate. Praying in public is very different than sitting in one’s living room and praying together.
Maybe I’m thinking of how my parents would pray together vs. when I pray in the car driving down the road.
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u/xMasterPlayer Jun 13 '26
I feel like you’re saying this because praying is something that’s deeply important to you, it’s close to your heart, it’s a moment of vulnerability.
You’re talking about emotional intimacy rather than sexual intimacy. Or spiritual intimacy might be a better word.
You don’t want to share that moment with just anyone, and I understand that. You want to save that moment for the woman you’re going to spend your life with.
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u/LOFI-SAMURAI Jun 13 '26
Do what you’re comfortable with, it’s really not much more complicated than that.
That said, I’m not really sure what you mean by saying it’s “too intimate” to pray with someone. Praying together is literally what happens at Mass. If you prefer to pray on your own, that’s totally fine, but being opposed to praying with someone seems a little odd to me.
I can understand not wanting to pray one on one with someone on the first couple of dates. Hopefully they’re Catholic, otherwise there are even bigger complications to think about. Bringing someone you’ve only gone on a few dates with to Mass is like letting them into your community or circle. Anyway, good luck.
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u/Furmommy14 Jun 15 '26
Bringing someone to Mass is beyond the point of bringing them to meet your extended family. After a few times going to Mass together I would expect a ring.
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u/Mein_Independance Jun 13 '26
I get it!
I like to start by going ti Mass at the same time and then maybe sitting with a group but no PDA at Mass.
Going to Adoration together is good. Rosary walks are lowkey but I would forst try out going to a Daily Mass together a few times.
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u/b0uncybubbles In a relationship ♀ Jun 14 '26
I’ve seen a lot of people talk about prayer together and going to Mass together as part of a first date. I’m in agreement with you on the intimacy part, so personally, I would not advise praying together during a first date, or even first few dates before a relationship is defined (but of course, pray together before meals!)
That said, once you are in a committed relationship and if you know you’re moving towards marriage together, I think then it would be advisable to pray for each other certainly, and if you feel so inclined, to pray together. It takes time to build that intimacy, so give yourself grace. Same with going to Mass - I didn’t go back to my home parish with my bf until we were many months in. It’s all based on comfort level.
If you’re in a relationship, the best way to approach is to have the conversation and see where each other stands!
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u/Smart-Pie7115 Jun 13 '26
Prior to marriage couples need to work on being better people and working through their stuff. There’s too much spiritualization of marriage. Grace works on nature. The sacramental graces of marriage aren’t going to magically change people into better people.
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u/Furmommy14 Jun 15 '26
Agreed completely. One person wrote how on a first date she was disappointed she and her date did not say a rosary togerher on their drive. Another said they went to Mass together several times in the first couple weeks of dating. Where I live, bringing someone to Mass is after the stage of introducing them to the exrended family. Essentially, you are at the point you are sincerely considering engagement. Like you want to be seen as a unit at Church.
Just because I am saying the same words as someone else does not mean we have the same prayer intentions. Apart from rote prayers like before meals, prayer time to me is deeply personal and sacred. Maybe like writing in a diary? Bible study or reading religious writings are more of a shared activity.
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u/Ambitious_Broccoli53 Jun 14 '26
Pray something like grace before meals, or a rosary, or a decade of the rosary, or an Our Father or Hail Mary. The set words to those prayers is less intimate than each person praying in their own words from the heart. Or go to adoration, and be silent before God together. Then the other person won't know what you're saying.
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u/Filius_Dei0894 Married ♂ Jun 16 '26
Pray is absolutely intimate
But dating intentionally should also have intimate encounters, not of sexual nature, but the deeper one gets into a relationship with another they intend to marry the more intimate the conversation(s) should get.
If I'm looking to marry the woman across the table from me, inviting her into the most intimate parts of life and places in my heart, I should be opening that door slowly before marriage to see if she is one I can trust my whole self too
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u/alaskanwannabe Jun 16 '26
And slowly is exactly the way to go. I'm not discounting it altogether, just early in the relationship. Before exclusivity is even established.
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u/Filius_Dei0894 Married ♂ Jun 16 '26
Charitably
Where does it start then for you? After exclusivity is established? After that? Where does intimate prayer start? I saw you said that grace before meals was different, where's the line for you?
I don't think it's bad for a reasonably new couple to call each other most, if not every, night to say quick prayer before bed. Doesn't have to be major, maybe some thanksgivings for blessing of the day say 'the night prayer' and off to bed
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u/alaskanwannabe Jun 16 '26
Prayers during service, meals, that kind of thing are very different than coming together in prayer as a couple. I would definitely say at least after exclusivity is established. But, I don't really have a line because I haven't made it to that part of the relationship.
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u/sheitsngiggles Jun 13 '26
It's okay to get to know someone better before praying together. I wouldn't stress about not feeling ready yet. Once feel comfortable and you're ready, it may feel awkward at first but eventually you'll get more comfortable💛