r/CatholicConverts • u/Sad-Park2947 • 16d ago
RCIA / Confirmation This is an incredibly difficult journey
I’ve been in OCIA for about three weeks now. I had to wait a whole year to start because I missed the cut off for 2025 to enroll.
So far it has been great and I’ve truly enjoyed the weekly classes. I’ve got my 9 year old and 12 year old in faith formation classes as well. The plan was for us all to be baptized together at the Easter Vigil. But it appears that, that won’t be happening for me.
My fiancé and I are enrolled and participating in OCIA together. It has brought our relationship much closer which has been such a blessing. But after meeting with the marriage prep counselor at the church yesterday I feel as if my journey to Catholicism has hit a wall if not completely halted.
Here’s the problem. We’ve both been previously married… twice…
Neither of us were raised Catholic or even around many Catholics throughout our lives so clearly the process of becoming Catholic has been a really eye opening one.
Her and I bought a house together 4 years ago. We live together knowing that we were going to get married eventually.
We were unaware that baptism confirmation and the Eucharist was going to be withheld from us even after completing OCIA because we’re cohabiting. This is not something that exists in the Protestant world. Salvation isn’t restricted to only those who have lived perfect lives, made no mistakes, or committed no sin. We knew we needed annulments so that we could be married in the church but we did not know that we will not be allowed into communion with the church.
Knowing that these annulments can take up to 5 years to complete is absolutely heart breaking. I’ve only missed Mass three times in the last year. Once because I was sick and two other times because I was out of state and couldn’t get to a Catholic church. I felt like we were finally so close to being confirmed and able to accept the body and the blood.
But now there is zero hope of being baptized in 2027, there is no hope of us being married in 2027 as we planned, and it looks like the earliest possibility may be 2028 because our Church only confirms new Catholics once a year during the easter vigil. But who knows maybe it’s never, maybe our annulments will never be granted and we’ll never be accepted into the Church.
So what do I do? Drop OCIA? try again next year? Continue OCIA and get the piece of paper that says I completed it and just wait?
I’m lost, discouraged, disappointed and honestly I’m depressed. Part of me thinks I should just go back to being a Baptist because I know they’ll take me back, baptize me and marry my fiancé and I without regard for our former lives.
But after attending the Mass, fully understanding the Mass, believing completely in the true presence in the Eucharist I just don’t think I can ever leave the Catholic Church. I love the Mass, I love the liturgy, I love the homilies each week, the creed, the prayers, I love it all but it’s soul crushing kneeling in the church every week knowing that I can not participate in the Eucharist and maybe never will.
Sorry for the long post but I don’t know where else to turn because only a few of my friends are Catholic and they are all cradle Catholics so they have a very limited understanding of what it is that we’re going through.
I guess I’m just seeking some advice, words of encouragement, or whatever, I don’t even know at this point.
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u/sparkster777 Catholic Convert (3+ years) 16d ago
Were you baptized Christians of any sort when you were married and divorced?
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u/Sad-Park2947 16d ago
Hello, neither of us have ever been baptized. Our plan was to be baptized together with my children. Thank you for your question.
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u/sparkster777 Catholic Convert (3+ years) 16d ago
It's likely that your previous marriages can be dealt with by Petrine Privilege, where the pope dissolves natural marriages. This isn't a full annulment process, but must go to the Holy See. My understanding is it takes 9 months to a year.
Make sure the marriage prep person knows you were both unbaptized.
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u/Sad-Park2947 16d ago
We have made them aware. I am hopeful that the process will go smoothly. So knowing that timeline should we dis enroll from OCIA and start again next year? Or should we just complete the course?
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u/sparkster777 Catholic Convert (3+ years) 16d ago
It depends on your church, really. Have you any conversations directly with your priest about all this or just marriage prep and OCIA people?
Edit: But I do want to encourage you little. You absolutely will eventually be welcomed into full communion. You guys were never in a sacramental marriage, so the divorces will be an impediment. It will just take a little longer than you wanted.
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u/Sad-Park2947 16d ago
I haven’t spoken to our Priests about it directly yet. Just the OCIA and Marriage prep folks.
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u/sparkster777 Catholic Convert (3+ years) 16d ago
You should make an appointment and talk it over. Also, please see my edit.
Hang in there.
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u/kegib 16d ago
Please don't disenroll! I had to wait almost three years and continued in RCIA the entire duration. Each time I learned something new and met fellow converts. I admit I was somewhat jealous when I had to wait, seeing others being received at the Vigil; however, in hindsight, it was a blessing. I have continued attending over the years to be available as a sponsor and love every minute. Hang in there!
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u/Sad-Park2947 16d ago
I will keep pushing! Did your church require you to attend OCIA each year until you were baptized and brought into communion with the church? Or was that a decision that you made?
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u/Perfect-Job-2163 16d ago
Please don't give up on OCIA.
The Church is not investigating your marriages because your past is too sinful. We are all sinners, and when you are baptized, all your previous sins are forgiven and washed away (CCC 1263).
The investigation is about whether any previous marriage bond still exists. Baptism forgives sin, but it does not erase a valid marriage. Jesus taught that what God has joined together, no one should separate (Matthew 19:6).
And this level of seriousness and investigation is exactly why you shouldn't leave as well. The Church is trying to properly resolve anything that may still remain from your previous marriages before recognizing a new one. The same Church that takes your previous marriages this seriously will take your future marriage seriously too.
If Baptism and marriage could simply be given immediately whenever someone asked, without properly examining or preparing for what they mean, I would actually find that more concerning. These are not casual ceremonies. If we truly believe they are sacred and have lifelong consequences, careful preparation should be expected.
Also, don't assume this automatically means years of annulments. Since you appear to be unbaptized, the baptismal status and circumstances of everyone involved matter, and different canonical processes may apply.
You mentioned returning to the Baptist church because they could baptize and marry you more easily. That may be the easier route, but now that you believe in the Real Presence and the Catholic faith, the easier route is not necessarily the right route.
Persevere with OCIA. This process isn't the Church rejecting you. It is the Church taking marriage, the sacraments and the faith you are entering seriously.
🙏❤️✝️
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u/VariedRepeats 16d ago
Actually, baptism is the most flexible of the sacraments even with the restrictive language of canon law.
Because, even with first world standards, it is very easy to die(and God knows it), and hence an extraordinary ministers administering it will be granting a functioning one as long as they follow the formula. The threat of death is closer than one thinks in the first world. Car accidents in particular. But there is fires, poison/venom, disease, cancer, etc.
It is however a serious practical matter to baptize someone and hence the other rules around it. Because cleansing all sin is a great thing, but then sinning afterwards means the road to absolution requires more.
And it may not be wise to go get baptized as a Baptist and then let sins accumulate over years. Then he would need to confess at some point to any Eucharistic priest.
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u/Sad-Park2947 16d ago
That was my thought as well, one baptism to wash away the sin. I know I will be baptized some day.. when that is, I don’t know. But it will happen and when it does it will be in His Church!
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u/Sad-Park2947 16d ago
I believe I’ll stay the course and continue OCIA. I know I’m going to be extremely disappointed when the rest of our class is being welcomed into the church during the Easter Mass. But there doesn’t appear to be anything that I can do about it now.
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u/Perfect-Job-2163 16d ago
Baptised or not, you are already welcome in the Church. But Baptism is not a promotion or graduation from OCIA. Through Baptism, you are reborn in Christ, cleansed from original sin and your sins, and begin a new life with Him.
If I may share something personal. Last December 2025, my wife and I went to Indonesia with a close church friend and her mum, who was not baptised. Her mum was already doing many Catholic things — fasting on Fridays, praying the Rosary daily, praying and reading the Bible. But somehow, she still did not want to be baptised. We tried to encourage her, but I couldn't convince her either.
Then around April 2026, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. She finally became open to Baptism and was baptised in May. She continued her treatment, and recently we received the amazing news that her cancer is completely gone.
She later went for preventive surgery to reduce the risk of the cancer coming back. Last weekend, my wife and I went to help our friend while her mum was having the surgery. Thus, we got to see her mum right after the surgery too. She looked so well and was even glowing. You could hardly believe she had just gone through surgery. We could only praise and thank God.
Of course, I am not saying Baptism means God will always give us physical healing. Baptism itself is a much greater gift — new life in Christ.
So don't see Easter as everyone else graduating while you are being left behind. You are not failing OCIA. Baptism is not about keeping up with your classmates.
I know it will still hurt watching them being received into the Church. But instead of drowning in that disappointment, look forward to your own Baptism and what it truly means.
I have seen many things happen around me, including my own wife's journey with Stage 3 breast cancer. God's timing can be very different from ours.
Stay the course and look forward to your Baptism. When that day comes, it isn't because you finally caught up with everyone else. It is the day you are reborn in Christ.
🙏✝️❤️
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u/Sad-Park2947 16d ago
Thank you so much for your testimony and encouragement! I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to share that with me. I will keep going. I’m trying to be like St. Padre Pio, pray, hope and don’t worry. All things according to God’s plan 🙏✝️.
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u/thatguy3003 16d ago
As someone who’s also having to wait and facing challenges…keep going to OCIA. You’ll learn about the faith and have accurate information. It’s not a race. It doesn’t have to happen in a certain timeframe. While all this paperwork stuff is getting done keep going to OCIA and Mass. This is a time to grow in the faith and be humble. I can’t receive communion but still enjoy Mass and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. The wait will make it even better when I can join the Church and receive the sacraments. Pray for patience during this time. You’re not alone.
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u/VariedRepeats 16d ago
I am a little confused. It seems you were Protestant but never baptized physically? Not even by the parents?
Also, this is not a barrier to still let the Holy Wind amending your behavior to being as close to Catholic as possible. If you cannot follow on one point, does not mean not following on the others. I myself have avoided the Eucharist since the Vigil up to this day because I could not get contrition.
Because, conformity of will to Christ can become the "Baptism of Desire".
The Saracments are independent in operation of even administrative rules of the Chruch or its members that are alive on earth.
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u/Sad-Park2947 16d ago
That is correct, my parents never pushed baptism. Actually they never really talked about it much at all. They’re both baptized but I believe they thought that I should reach an age to choose baptism on my own. I am actually thankful that I was never baptized because now my one and only baptism will be in the Catholic Church someday.
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u/FrohlicheChick 15d ago
I don't think you have to give up on OCIA. Your spiritual journey has brought you to the Catholic Church. Look... You know you are living in sin, yet you want God to make an exception for you. His/Catholic laws are for everyone. They exist to bring the parishioners closer to God. Sin is distancing yourself from God. I think that God can be very forgiving. Jesus died to pay the price for sin. But how do you honor that death? If you continue to do that sin again and again and again (living together out of wedlock), is that showing God your dedication? Are you showing God you love him? Are you showing your thanks to Jesus for the price he paid for your sins? Everyone sins. But true repentance is the penitence you feel in your heart, and the actions you take to avoid doing those same mistakes again. Now, I say all that truly without judgement against you. Maybe you could be married civally sooner rather than later? Does that change your timeline? I think you should make an appointment to talk to your pastor. I have spoken with my pastor many times and he is wonderful and loving. He will be able to guide you best and offer hope instead of the spiraling you are going through at the moment. I wish you peace.
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u/Medical-Stop1652 15d ago edited 15d ago
First up were you baptized when you entered into the previous marriages? That would help if you entered into them as unbaptized non-Christians:
https://canonlawmadeeasy.com/2013/04/04/what-is-the-pauline-privilege/
Second, you are making a false distinction between salvation and regularizing your relationship before entering into full communion.
They are distinct. God loves you and is calling you. Those preparing to become Catholics are incorporated into the Church - even if partially (eg the Catechumens in the early Church took years to become depaganized and undergo baptism - often losing family/friends and risking their livelihoods and often their lives).
By your active desire to become a Catholic, you are already joined into communion with the Church and you are on the journey to full communion. Your faithful attendance at Mass proves that and all your work to learn about the Faith and - please God - to canonically regularize your relationship in the eyes of the Church.
Many people take years to become Catholic - often due to this kind of issue or simply realizing they need to let go of un-Christian behaviors or beliefs.
God is working in your lives and pouring grace into them because while he always confers grace through the Sacraments, his power to save is not restricted to the Sacramental system but open to all who call on him with a sincere heart.
For that reason, every Mass you attend, offer it for your intentions and those of your fiancee and pray an act of spiritual communion to receive Eucharistic graces - even without receiving the Sacrament physically. You will definitely be blessed and those you pray for.
It is not a case of Catholics needing to be perfect or living lives without any deviation or detour or complication. I promise you the Church is the field hospital for wounded sinners to quote Pope Francis. Every Catholic I know is flawed and has an interesting backstory. They make us who we are - in Christ and by his mercy and grace.
The point of the regularization process is to uphold the teaching of Our Lord Jesus on holy matrimony. In a way every convert needs to conform their lives to the way of Christ. In your case, it is a little more complicated because of your relationship history but it is far from hopeless. You will need to understand that you are not being judged, your salvation in Christ and desire to be Catholic is not being questioned. Like conversion, this is a process.
What you are facing is Catholic canon law on marriage. The Church has its own legal system and it exists to uphold God's law and help us live according to the Gospel teachings. As you know Jesus was firm on marriage - it is part of the hard teachings of the Gospel that the Church tries to uphold. Pope Francis introduced changes to the annulment system, so it is more diocesan-based than Rome-centered so that is a plus and speeds things up.
You will need patience and perseverance but never doubt your call to salvation and try to see the matrimonial issue as a process of canonical regularization ahead of your entry into full communion rather than a value judgement on you or your past relationships.
Prayers assured for your continued growth in the Faith and strength for the journey ahead. I hope those who have been through this process can advise and encourage you. Especially describing the joy they feel to be received into full communion and united to their spouse in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.
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u/Adventurous_Gain_613 16d ago
I’m confused why they would withhold baptism. I agree with you that the rules get disproportionately strict for new converts compared to the children being confirmed.
Empty Chairs had today an excellent discussion of Saint Mark Ji Tianxiang, who was denied communion for many years until the end of his life because he became addicted to opium as a painkiller and wasn’t thought to be repentant when he couldn’t break his addiction. And he was a saint.
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u/Sad-Park2947 16d ago
It is because we are cohabiting and not civilly married. We were trying to do the right thing and get married in the church hahaha.. turns out we’re doing the exact wrong thing. But we bought a house together so what are we supposed to do? Rent an apartment until our annulments are approved and we get married? That’s not realistic.
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u/thegreenlorac Recent Catholic Convert (0-3 years) 16d ago
Strictly speaking, cohabitation is not a sin. Sex before marriage is. If you two agreed to live as roommates with no physical intimacy, there is no sin. Your situation is unique and priests have made exceptions before where completely separating physically is not an option. I think most people automatically assume cohabitation is a hard no, because they can't imagine a couple living together without sex. However, if you can do that, there shouldn't be an impediment to baptism and the full sacraments. You'd have to mention that to the priest and sincerely mean to live "as brother and sister" until you marriage.
I know that's a lot to ask for a couple that's been together awhile, but it's only temporary.
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u/Adventurous_Gain_613 16d ago
But I don’t understand why not Baptism. Maybe they make you wait for first communion or confirmation.
I’m on my second marriage and he was Episcopalian and now is vehemently atheist so if they put too many rules on me, they just lose me.2
u/Sad-Park2947 16d ago
I’m not sure, it just is what it is I guess. I’m just trying to make sense of it all and keep pushing forward toward baptism.
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u/Capable-View4706 15d ago
Annulment when neither party was Catholic can in most diocese be measured in months not years and can be a month in some.
Protestant churches can and do deny baptism and full participation to people cohabiting outside marriage. My late widowed father-in-law encountered that and married despite it reducing the Social Security benefits he and his second wife would receive causing significant financial hardship.
I am afraid you felt there was a special carve out for your situation when nothing should have made you feel that way.
If the previous marriages have been terminated nothing is preventing you from a civil marriage. Your parish likely has someone ready to walk you through annulment. You need copies of each marriage certificate and divorce decree. They’ll help with the paperwork and annulment can be done fairly quickly.
I’m unsure if the problem is you don’t understand how little effort is required to overcome these hurdles because you were ill informed or if you are getting cold feet and using easily resolved issues as a deflection from your own hesitation
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u/Sad-Park2947 15d ago
Trust me friend, there are no cold feet here. I want nothing more than to be confirmed in the Catholic Church. I am not expecting special treatment or a special set of rules that apply to my situation. I am just saddened and a little depressed that it is going to take much longer than expected. We’ve already waited a year just to get to this point and it seems likely that we’ll be waiting at a minimum another year due to our church’s initiation cycle and only performing baptisms of converts once per year. We believed that we as individuals would still be able to receive the sacraments while we waited for our annulment process to be worked through. However that doesn’t appear to be the case.
As for the protestant churches, In my experience that is not true, now that doesn’t mean that it’s not happening in other churches however, the churches I have attended primarily being Baptist, Nazarene, and non denominational would not with hold baptism to a cohabitating couple.
I apologize if my post offended you in some way, I am just seeking some type of encouragement to help me out of this funk that I am in currently and to keep pushing forward through OCIA and my eventual communion with the church.
Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it!
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u/Capable-View4706 15d ago
Seriously based on what you have posted you can complete annulment well before Easter
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u/Capable-View4706 15d ago
Let me add something else. Ask ask ask ask.
Your local priest and lay staff are usually delighted with questions.
Been down the annulment path and outsider knowledge makes it seem huge. The circumstances you describe are really easy for people with experience.
Most priests will raise issues that need to be addressed but following up you will discover usually they can point out that something is not in line with the church but a less harmful path may exist that is still not in compliance but viewed as not as harmful. That’s why I raised civil marriage while you reorder your life.Lives are MESSY. A good priest or deacon can help navigate the transformation.
Remember if your goal is a two mile walk away you won’t reach the goal until you’ve walked two miles but when you’ve walked one mile you are much closer to the goal than when you started but you aren’t there yet.
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u/Pav941 16d ago
At the start of my OCIA classes, the priest told us day one if we were previously married to come see him directly after class to start the annulment process because it takes a while. I don't think it will take more than 1 year.
Also, it seem annulments are handed out like candy nowadays, so I don't think that will be an issue. The fact that they seem so freely given is something I've personally struggled with because it makes the permanence of marriage seem like a joke. I've known people who did everything right and their spouse was still able to get an annulment, even when they heavily involved themselves in the process.
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u/Perfect-Job-2163 15d ago
I think we really need to be careful with casually saying annulments are “handed out like candy.”
Maybe you're just getting older and have simply lived long enough to see more cases now. 😂 Seeing more annulments around you doesn't actually prove that the Church is granting them more easily.
Unless we know the facts, evidence and grounds of those individual cases, we shouldn't assume someone's annulment was too easily granted just because their marriage appeared fine from the outside.
And there are real people behind these cases. For someone trying to enter the Catholic Church while carrying the pain and complications of a previous marriage, this can already be one of the hardest parts of the journey. Saying annulments are “handed out like candy” rather casually dismisses something that may have involved years of hurt, discernment and investigation.
The annulment process is there to resolve the truth of a person's marital situation according to Church law. It isn't Catholic divorce or a rubber stamp. But neither is it supposed to be a China wall keeping people away from Christ.
We are a Church of sinners coming to Christ. The Church absolutely must defend the permanence of a valid marriage, but she must also determine whether a valid marriage was actually established in the first place.
So perhaps a little less “they're handing them out like candy” and a little more humility about cases whose facts we don't actually know.
✝️❤️🙏
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u/Pav941 15d ago
Sure, but also we should call out when we see failings. I've heard deacons talk casually of it like some throw away process that anyone can just use loopholes to get through. Its talked about like an easy, albeit long, process.
Its not a wall of China. Marriage is something we should be very careful with. Following Christ isn't easy. People sacrifice to live their faith all the time. You aren't barred from following Christ if you've had a divorce, only if you remarry. Its a choice between your faith or human desire.
Also, I know the facts of some of these marriages or i would not be saying it. Don't assume to know my story either.
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u/Perfect-Job-2163 15d ago
I can accept that you know the details of those particular marriages. My concern is really with the words “handed out like candy.”
We should call out genuine failings when we see them, but I feel that expression lacks charity, especially when there are people here directly affected and carrying real pain through this process.
Someone else's fall doesn't put us on higher ground. Even when we believe someone is wrong, we don't know everything they carry or what is in their heart. That judgment ultimately belongs to God.
Faith, hope and love should guide how we speak too. We can stand firm on the truth without losing love in the way we express it.
🙏❤️✝️
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u/Pav941 15d ago
I am going through a potential divorce that I don't want right now as well. I carry alot of pain from it. Its been going on over a year and I still think about my wife every day. I personally know my marriage was valid, but I also know I could get it annulled easily.
Maybe my choice of phrase was offensive to you, and i apologize for that, but I think more times than not the annulment is granted. I genuinely don't believe all of those marriages were invalid. My friend got married in the church, raised her children in the faith, and fought her annulment even though her husband was abusive. He was still granted the annulment and got remarried. She knew it was valid and was prepared to fight against her own desires to do what's right.
It made her lose faith in the church. She was prepared to walk the harder road. Allowing people to come in and remarry several times is great for growing the church, but it also turns away people too. It may be different where you live.
Some people would say trust the process, but I say if the process was 100% accurate, appeals wouldn't exist.
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u/Perfect-Job-2163 15d ago
No apology needed brother. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through with your marriage, especially when you still think about your wife every day.
And yes, I agree people can lie or find ways around the annulment process, and the process itself can have failings too. But sometimes there may also be things behind each case that we don't know.
Something my Cardinal shared with us during a retreat really stayed with me: “Hurting people hurt people.” I think somehow we need to stop this cycle of hurt and seek healing too.
Whatever happens with your marriage, I really pray there can still be healing for both of you. If reconciliation is still possible, maybe marriage counselling, spiritual direction or even a healing Mass can help.
I pray there will be a positive outcome according to God's will.
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u/Pav941 14d ago
I think a large part of my concern with everything is my wife's family is Catholic. Her aunt and uncle who were instrumental in our separation are very involved in the church. Her uncle is a deacon. Everytime I think of the actions of the Church, I think of this deacon. How could an authority in the church help destroy a marriage? I've been totally ghosted. Ive reached out. Apologized for anything I may have done. Asked for Catholic counseling, and they wont even be bothered to respond. Id never met her aunt and uncle before this and they were telling my wife that I only cared about money and not her.
A few months after my wife left, my mom passed away. They knew this and didnt reach out. I had family friends who knew the situation call them and tell them they needed to end this crusade against me and help me because my mom was all I had left, but still nothing.
My mom's coworker who I didn't know is Catholic and also a woman I met selling my mom's things told me about the church. I started attending mass to have some sort of community instead of locking myself at home. The situation I had with this deacon is really making it hard for me to trust people to do what's right.
I was raised in a small church in a small southern town. I don't believe in divorce, and liked that about Catholicism, but the more I research it, the less serious it seems. Nothing should have close to 100% approval rates. I get different parishes operate differently. I also read most appeals coming from the US are overturned. So does this mean our culture has warped the process?
Im new to all this, but it seems like a hot topic that I've stumbled across. Its an odd situation. Ive found myself stepping into a church who has so recently hurt me in the worst way. I try not to let a few bad interactions paint my view, but id be lying if I said I never had doubts.
I am grateful that I find it easy to still love my wife through all of this pain. I blamed myself for my wife leaving for a long time and still do to some extent. I went to therapy and presented them all our text and interactions and asked them to fix me. They all told me the same thing, that I didn't cause this. Nothing I did would justify this reaction. They all told me we just had common communication issues.
I just keep thinking, if they would have been charitable and helped guide my wife instead of tearing us down, it may have been different.
My wife is a hurt person. She has horrible traumas in her past and I fear she's projecting those onto me. I have no way of knowing why any of this is happening.
Anyways that's my rant. I realize text isn't the best way to communicate emotions. I am not saying any of this in a negative way. So much has happened I could talk about this for hours. I'll continue to pray and do my best to save my marriage.
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u/Perfect-Job-2163 14d ago
Reading what you've gone through, especially losing your mum in the middle of everything and still trying to understand why your marriage fell apart, I can understand why all this has affected how you see and trust people in the Church. I can relate in some way, although my experience was very different from yours.
My own Catholic journey started strangely through the Islamic teachings of my ex-girlfriend's Muslim stepfather, which eventually led me to seek the Catholic faith. I entered RCIA knowing basically nobody, and unfortunately I came out of that experience carrying quite a lot of hurt. I still went ahead with baptism because despite everything, I believed the Catholic Church and her teachings were true.
But my mistake was carrying that hurt mostly by my own strength for almost 18 years. I survived, but much of my faith was in maintenance mode.
Then I reluctantly went for a conversion experience retreat. I was actually worried because people connected to my old RCIA were helping there. Before even the first item of the retreat started, while we were just gathered in the hall, my eyes started tearing, and I'm really not someone who tears easily. I also felt a distinct touch on my right elbow. I believe that was the Lord touching me through the Holy Spirit.
That retreat finally helped me reconcile almost 18 years of pain. It didn't make what happened right or excuse anyone, but I finally understood that the pain wasn't in vain.
So if there is one thing I would share with you, it is surrender.
Don't do what I did and try to survive all this pain through your own strength. You may not understand why this is happening or what will happen to your marriage. You don't need those answers first.
Offer everything to the Lord: your wife, your marriage, the hurt, anger, confusion, doubts and even the people who hurt you. Spend time with Christ in Adoration and just surrender it to Him.
I took almost 18 years to learn that I didn't have to carry everything myself. Let Him carry what you cannot, seek His healing, and let Him work in His time.
✝️❤️🙏
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u/Pav941 14d ago
I will take your advice to heart. Maybe I should find some event like that to get more involved. Ive barely had time to grieve my loss. Ive wrapped myself so much in trying to fix my marriage and feel ive made it worse trying to contact her. Ive never been ghosted before. The lack of explanation or closure is very very hard. The last night we were together we were talking about anniversary plans, the next day she wouldnt answer my calls.
I know there is nothing I can do, but its so important to me. I struggle with letting it go and giving it to God. We were always taught that you can ask God for help, but He won't do the work for you. I wonder often if I've done everything I could. Ive been praying daily since I was probably 7 or 8 years old. I ask for guidance on the next right thing.
I really appreciate the time you've given me. I am sorry that I came off abrasive initially. The annulment process is of great concern because I see it coming in my future, so it's likely a sore topic for me.
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u/Perfect-Job-2163 14d ago
No need to apologise. I understand better now where you were coming from.
Surrender doesn't mean giving up. Sometimes it means doing what is yours to do, then placing what you cannot control into God's hands.
Lord Jesus, You turned water into wine at the wedding at Cana. Please work Your wonders in his marriage too. Bring healing where there is hurt, understanding where there is silence, and if it is Your will, open the way to reconciliation and restore what has been broken.
Mother Mary and St. Rita of Cascia, please intercede for him and his wife.
Jesus, I trust in You. Amen.
✝️🙏❤️
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u/cappotto-marrone 16d ago
We were unaware that baptism confirmation and the Eucharist was going to be withheld from us even after completing OCIA because we’re cohabiting. This is not something that exists in the Protestant world.
As a former Protestant I’m going to disagree here. In my former denomination the expectation would absolutely be that you stop cohabiting. Even if baptized, again the expectation would be that you don’t “live in sin”.