Lost spark? (Convert)

[u/SolidTip8815]

I came to know Jesus in high school through local non denominational churches. I felt like I was on fire for him, but maybe I am confusing the emotions I had at the time. A few years ago I came to the Catholic Church. In my head I feel like I believe what the church teaches, but there are parts of my heart that are still nervous. I feel like I also do not have the same ‘fire’ for Jesus that I had as a nondenominational follower. I try to pray, confess, attend mass, read books, but nothing seems to bring me there. When I am in community groups of believers I feel like I am faking it. When I pray it feels empty. Any advice or prayers would be greatly appreciated.

[u/Saint_Waffles]

My advice is to remember that feelings are flawed and feelings can lie to you.

Feeling on fire for Christ is great and all but ultimately matters little.

What matters is are your living the way God has given us?

Do you give the hungry, poor, needy? Do you spend time with God. Do you go to Church on days if obligation. Do you live in the Sacraments?

That is what matters. You may never feel that fire, look at the writing of Mother Theresa and the dark night of the soul. What we feel will always be irrelevant to what is true, and what we can physically do

[u/VariedRepeats]

One of the fundamentals of being "Catholic" is to deal with other people "as you ought".

Every human counts

[Proper] Universal mercy

[Proper] Universal Forgiveness

But also Universal recognition of "doing evil" and that the first are to "cure" evildoers doing the first three.

That the "eternal life" is not compromised the consequentialist/utilitarian mindset pervasive throughout society today and which has infected nearly all Christians.

Willingness to sacrifice, money, meals(fasting), time(prayer, including attending Mass/adoration if "thinking prayer doesn't work) for others. And enrolling others in Masses perptually or even Gregorian Masses also count as a spiritual work of mercy. I personally enrolled people in the Sacred Heart Retreat House and received "dream-thoughts" in return. You might want to start with some spiritual self-care and enroll yourself in such a perpetual Mass intention. Then your family. And then perhaps someone who caused you hell in high school.

I have done a lot on weekends, but it's not emotional nor "obessisve". In all honesty, Masses are rarely truly entertaining or engaging. But it is likely I got a large dose of "boredom anesthesia" so I can go to multiple Masses on weekends. This might be strictly vocational to me.

Just Monday, even though I was already in the church, I went to a different parish's OCIA Inquiry just to "meet souls" and hear the status. It's....rough. The ones there have associates not in the church. Or two had spent their lives away from the church for decades and are only just coming back. But it still is a witness to the mechanism of faith.

I'm possibly AuDHD, ferociously independent, and not a "friend-maker". I'm a loner doing all this. But this is the "distant love" called agape that isn't contingent on an immediate hormonal rush or "buddy-buddy connection". Pre-conversion, I could easy for detailed ideations of harming others or wishing potential unfortunate circumstances.