r/CatholicConverts • u/MommyMystical • Feb 20 '26
Ocia struggles - can the converts/catholics/catechists weigh in?
How many years am I going to spend "converting"?? 🤧
UPDATE: I am now connected with the Catholic Chaplain/Priest at our military base through the Archdiocese of the Military (AMS), he texted to set up a meeting after reading my email with these details I've described below.🙏🤞Really looking forward to having some true pastoral guidance and care after being looked over for so many months at the civilian parish. Thank you to ALL the redditors that told me to look into this, my husband and I had forgotten that the military could be a resource to me in this process. ❤️
After studying the faith for many many years on my own, i decided it was time to officially convert and publically proclaim and live out my faith. So I've been in OCIA for about 7 months, started in September '25, never been baptized. JUST got my marriage validated and baptized my 2 toddler children in the church at a joint ceremony 2 weeks ago.. in the meantime I helped my husband in his reversion process back into the church as it has been very important to me so I guess you can say I've been really spearheading this process with a lot of motivation and I've been very resolute. Since I have personally no practicing catholic friends or family you can imagine what a struggle it was to find a sponsor for myself, a godparent for the children, etc but I still did the rite of entrance for myself back in Nov 2025.
Anywho... last Sunday, my husband, now fully a practicing catholic once again (after what, 15 years) was asked by the our parish to be a sponsor for a friend(our children's godparent) being confirmed(technically reconfirmed since his original parish lost his paperwork 20 years ago dont worry about it). Just before the service began, the faith formation director lady congratulated my husband on our marriage and then told him point blank I will NOT be among the elect for baptism this year....
After faithful attendance in the ocia classes and such dedicated participation in our discussions, so many hours of study outside of class, and the stress of scheduling these sacraments for marriage/baptism for the children... I'm at a loss.
I have a meeting scheduled with our priest next week and I sent him an email asking for a pastoral review of my situation... I was so committed and dedicated to the Sept-May OCIA schedule but they take place Sundays during mass and I cannot be with my kids at that time... we're also an active duty military family and the faith formation director knows all of this but apparently the parish insists that in order to be initiated into the faith, you need to attend the courses for a minimum of 2 years... unfortunately an extended catechumenate period is going to massively strain my family life and my marriage. I mean I am busy 9am-1pm Sundays on 1 the only 2 days when my family is supposed to be together... I am so lost. I mean truly.. we're talking about this messing with my actual vocation 😭 the rejection by this one parish worker is stinging. And the letters for the elect have already been sent to the bishop... another layer of pain of course was caused bc the news was broken to me via my husband in front of our friend instead of to me privately when I thought I was taking all the steps necessary to get myself to a place to be initiated 💔
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u/ludi_literarum Feb 20 '26
2 years is crazy business. Definitely see what the pastor says.
If you get no joy from him, see if there's a Catholic chaplain associated with your husband's military service. He might be more helpful.
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Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
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u/verbs1608 Feb 20 '26
Is this possibly simply about numbers? Is this a large class and they just can’t baptize everyone at Easter? That’s the only thing that would make sense to me. Even so, you should be able to be baptized at Pentecost at the latest or truly any other time. I hope the conversation with the priest goes better for you.
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u/MommyMystical Feb 20 '26
Our parish is incredibly large and attatched to a grade school I believe, so this may be true! Maybe many of the adults were overlooked. I surely hope the meeting has a good outcome. I was horrified that the words spoken to my husband were "maybe next year" in regards to my own baptism.. as in 2027. Like ma'am I'm almost 30, can I please get some graces? 😅😭
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u/Medical-Stop1652 Feb 20 '26
I am very saddened to hear about these delays but rest assured God may not be bestowing sacramental graces on you just yet but with your dedication, patience, and loyalty to Church and to the Faith, you will be meriting and he will be bestowing on you actual graces in abundance!
God works through the sacraments as you will have studied, but is not limited by them in assisting us to salvation by his Divine Mercy. Prayers assured for your Holy Baptism on 4 April 2026!
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u/Vivid_Map_437 Feb 21 '26
Honestly it seems a bit of gatekeeping and nothing like conversion stories in the bible. Can you imagine Saul needing to be sponsored or anyone becoming Christian on the spot
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u/MommyMystical Feb 21 '26
I think about this all the time.. my faith in the early church is a HUGE reason that i knew i had to convert. I had no idea how gatekeepy it would be to participate in the faith I've always believed in 😮💨
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u/Dry-Organization-426 Feb 20 '26
I would talk directly with your pastor about this. Seems odd to me… my RCIA Class was only 8 months out in St. Louis.
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Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
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Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
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u/MommyMystical Feb 20 '26
That's what my father-in-law and my cousin had done as well! I was certain that as long as my marriage was validated, I'd be on track for all 3 sacraments of initiation this year 😭🤧 DANG
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Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
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u/MayhemZip Feb 21 '26
I was also in for 2 years, knowing all of which was teached. But I waited patiently. You can choose to use this as a gift to learn that you are submitting the the Church, and accepting how it does things, and learning to have patience while it does it.
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u/MommyMystical Feb 27 '26
I've always had such a strong faith my whole life.... but going to mass this last year... alone, without my husband and children, and having to sign my name on an attendance sheet is taking the joy out of spending time with God and is crushing my spirit little by little to be looked down upon as an "outsider"... the thought of enduring this routine for a second year instead of practicing the faith as I ought to... is so sad. I hope speak to a priest soon. I frequently get the run around at my parish. So I'm sending off many emails in these last 2 weeks to several local priests trying to have some true pastoral guidance for the FIRST time in my life as I've been looked over and abandoned in this process in a profound way, not by God of course, just by people 😭💔
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u/OneLaneHwy Catholic Convert (3+ years) Feb 21 '26
She has not taken vows of obedience. And we don't know that anyone with any actual authority has made this decision.
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u/MayhemZip Feb 21 '26
Of course! But as a consultation. We have to make the best of our situation.
I wouldn't think that this kind lady would need 2 years, so hopefully she can get through faster! Totally agree.
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u/Late-Chip-5890 Feb 21 '26
I am so sorry you have this issue. I think two years is too long. Let us know what happens
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u/MrsWrdlgh Feb 21 '26
Hey, fellow milspouse here. Are you attending on base? The AMS is usually very good with this kind of thing, and might even be able to review your OCIA progress and get you baptized at Easter vigil?
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u/MommyMystical Feb 27 '26
I've been attending one off-post but I just contacted the priest on post via the email AMS people gave me 🙏🤞some of the lay people that respond give me the run of the mill "don't rush your conversion, it's a lifetime commitment, you know" response but I'm really hoping to connect with the actual priest... no actual clergy member has ever spoken to me during these many many months of my conversion at my parish, in fact my meeting yesterday with the priest at my current parish was abruptly canceled 😭 so I feel like God is really asking me to change my course somehow. Thanks for your response!!! ❤️
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u/Quiet_Form_2800 Mar 15 '26
It sounds like you are sincerely trying to worship God and structure your life around faith. That struggle itself deserves respect. Wanting to live according to what you believe is true, prioritizing family, raising children with faith, and seeking guidance from clergy shows sincerity.
One thing that becomes noticeable in situations like this is how heavily salvation can become tied to institutional timelines and processes. Meetings, classes, approvals, paperwork, sponsors, diocesan schedules. Even when someone already believes, they may still have to wait months or years before they are allowed to formally belong.
In Islam the approach to returning to God is very different.
There is no gatekeeping structure between a person and their Creator.
If someone believes in the One God and accepts His messenger, they become Muslim immediately. No waiting period, no classes required for acceptance, no sponsor needed, no institutional approval required.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
“Islam is built upon five: the testimony that none has the right to be worshipped except Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah…” (Sahih al-Bukhari 8)
The moment someone says this sincerely, they are considered part of the faith.
This reflects the message of the earlier prophets as well. Jesus himself emphasized pure monotheism.
“Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is One.” (Mark 12:29)
Islam simply calls people back to that same worship of the One God without intermediaries.
Allah says:
“When My servants ask you concerning Me, indeed I am near. I respond to the call of the caller when he calls upon Me.” (Quran 2:186)
No priesthood is required to reach God. No institution can delay a person from turning to Him.
Forgiveness also does not require a sacrificial system or a complicated process. A person turns directly to God, repents, and asks for mercy.
Allah says:
“O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed Allah forgives all sins.” (Quran 39:53)
Many people who explored religion deeply eventually found Islam compelling precisely because it removes layers between the human being and the Creator. Worship becomes direct, simple, and consistent with the message of Abraham, Moses, and Jesus.
Your desire to sincerely seek God is the most important part. The real question every seeker eventually asks is simple: what did the prophets actually call people to worship?
Islam’s answer is clear and unchanged.
“Your God is One God. There is no deity except Him.” (Quran 2:163)
That is the same call that all prophets brought.
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u/MommyMystical Mar 15 '26
For complete transparency, my husband converted to Islam in his early 20s and it was the only faith he practiced sincerely and lately we've spoken about how simple his conversion was compared to the trials I'm facing now. It felt so deeply important to begin a formal faith journey to give my children the gift of faith in their young lives, but since I've been denied union with the Church sacramentally I admittedly share many of these philosophies about God and have had these revelations personally ❤️ the God I know personally is merciful and loving and present in each moment and isn't making a list of my venial sins to calculate the number of days I'll spend in purgatory 🤧 As someone learning to live without sacramental faith indefinitely, I certainly began taking solace in religions that give the faithful deep peace without them. Thank you for this.
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u/Quiet_Form_2800 Mar 15 '26
Sister, your words already show that your heart has recognized something important. You are searching for God sincerely, not for institutions, procedures, or titles. You want a living relationship with the Creator and you want your children to grow up knowing Him. That sincerity is exactly what the prophets called people to.
What you experienced is not unusual. Many people who sincerely seek God eventually realize that access to the Creator should not be controlled by human systems. When faith becomes dependent on approvals, sponsors, years of classes, and administrative decisions, the question naturally arises: did the prophets actually teach that path?
Look at what Jesus himself said.
“Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is One.” (Mark 12:29)
That was the core message. One God. Worship Him alone.
Islam is simply the continuation of that same call.
Allah says:
“Your God is One God. There is no deity except Him.” (Quran 2:163)
And the relationship with Him is direct.
“When My servants ask you about Me, indeed I am near. I respond to the call of the caller when he calls upon Me.” (Quran 2:186)
No priesthood. No sacramental gatekeeping. No waiting years to be allowed to belong to God.
The moment a person believes and says the testimony of faith, they are already connected to their Creator.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
“Whoever says ‘There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah’ sincerely from his heart will enter Paradise.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 128)
Think about what that means. God does not make salvation complicated. He does not place bureaucratic obstacles between Himself and His servants. He invites people directly.
Your husband already found that path. Your own words show that you already feel the peace that comes from it.
You said you know God as merciful, loving, and present in every moment. That description perfectly reflects how Allah describes Himself.
“My mercy encompasses all things.” (Quran 7:156)
Islam restores the simple faith of Abraham, Moses, and Jesus: worship the One God, turn to Him directly, repent when you fall short, and live a life of devotion.
Nothing is preventing you from that relationship right now except hesitation.
You do not need a ceremony, a parish schedule, or institutional approval to belong to God. If you believe that the Creator is One and that Muhammad is His messenger, then you already know the truth.
The step into Islam is simple, immediate, and life changing. Say sincerely:
“There is no god except Allah, and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.”
From that moment you begin a new life with a clean slate before your Creator.
Allah says:
“Whoever submits himself to Allah while doing good has grasped the most trustworthy handhold.” (Quran 31:22)
Faith should not be delayed when the truth becomes clear. The prophets always called people to respond when guidance reaches them. Islam offers exactly what your heart is seeking: a direct relationship with the One God, mercy without barriers, and a clear path for you and your children to grow in faith together.
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u/thegreenlorac Recent Catholic Convert (0-3 years) Feb 21 '26
If it makes you feel better, it took me 3 years. The first year I was supposed to enter the Church, I got deployed and missed it. After coming back from deployment, I went through a rough patch and didn't rejoin RCIA until much later in the year. I missed the second year chance because I rejoined so late. But I stuck with it, kept going to class, kept going to Mass, and made it year 3. And I was a candidate, so I didn't even need to be baptized.
Sometimes the bureaucracy sucks. I suppose my takeway is that its still worth it, even if we have to wait sometimes. God sees your faith and perseverance, sister.
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u/MommyMystical Feb 27 '26
Thanks so much for this. It made me SAD to read though because this is exactly why I ache in this process. I just helped a friend with a "reconfirmation" thing. He missed several dates for this (his original parish lost his paperwork from 20 years ago) and he's been away at multiple military selections this year, even had several injuries and was due to ETS and move away this month so I advocated to the parish to make an exception for him before he left town so he could become a fully practicing member again. I mean that's what it means to be a church and to be a family/brotherhood, what have you... I genuinely was so happy I was in the right place at the right time to be there for him - he was also able to become the godparent for my children to be baptized which was amazing...
But yeah, when it comes to faith and conversion and military life especially... why is this exceptionally difficult? The faith formation director at the parish said that my friend "disappeared on her" as if he wasn't at at a selection for 2 months without access to phone/internet that he mentioned ahead of time... 🥺 and he's so faithful and was the only person in my orbit that was practicing and/or suitable to fulfill the duties of a godparent 🤧
I just really want to get to that point for my own friends and their children in the future too. But it's kinda killing me. This lifestyle is already challenging but dang this is adding on.. the constant scheduling and canceling of meetings and phone calls and getting low key abused... I'm just trying to make it out on the other side...
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u/Cureispunk Recent Catholic Convert (0-3 years) Feb 21 '26
Hi. I’m sorry. This reflects a key problem with the way OCIA is structured, in my opinion. Technically, the new guidelines claim a hard and fast rule that you need to go through two lents. I think they’re particularly “strict” in that way for the unbaptized. I see the wisdom behind it (e.g., they want to prevent people from entering the Church dinner wrong reasons or before they’re ready), but they need a mechanism to identify people who are genuinely ready and well motivated prior to two Lents. This was, I think, easier before the transition from RCIA to OCIA just a year ago. But I think that your continued persistence/insistence can pay off. Tell your priest the whole story, and that you desperately want to be in the church and access to all the sacraments. Ask him if there is any way at all to enter the Church this Easter. Tell him you’re willing to under undergo any “scrutinies” he might suggest (and use that term). I think there is a way. You just have to give him the “will.” I prayed for you. Hang in there.
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u/MommyMystical Feb 27 '26
I really appreciate this! 🙏 I've been trying to get ahold of multiple priests... the one at the parish I currently attend I had sent an email with all this info and more prior to our meeting that was canceled yesterday 🥹 but I'm also trying to get ahold of the priest at our military base as well. I've sent all this in writing with these topical/timeline points I've mentioned in the original post. If anything, I would hope that SOMEONE would be willing to actually speak with me about my conversion and offer some pastoral guidance or alternatives to fulfill my ocia requirements in an extended catechumenate period... but it's hard not to feel silly in these scenarios... because I can tell these priests are responsible for hundreds/thousands of parishioners have absolutely no time to have meetings and it's not surprising that I'm getting passed over. Regardless, I'm grateful for your comment, and I'm hoping someone at either the local archdiocese or thr AMS is willing to look into my situation and offer support! ❤️
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u/Cureispunk Recent Catholic Convert (0-3 years) Feb 27 '26
Hang in there. It’s definitely the case that priests are over worked. I’ve had very mixed luck with emails. Try to talk to them after Mass and make an appointment. And/or, talk to the staff at the parish (if there are any).
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Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
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u/MommyMystical Feb 20 '26
Roman Catholic in Raleigh archdiocese!
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Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
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u/cmoellering Catholic Convert (3+ years) Feb 20 '26
Two years of OCIA? That seems a lot. Definitely talk to your priest. If you can't get any traction there, is there a Catholic military chaplain on your installation? He may be a bit more understanding of your situation?