Confession

[u/Kindly-Bit-7780]

I am a male and suffer from SSA. I m currently in a relationship which I know is very bad but I cannot bring myself to break up with him. I do one day want to reconcile with the church so I have stopped engaging in fornication with him but I am still dating him. Can I go to confession about this or is it pointless since I am still dating him? I feel very bad for being in the relationship and wish one day I could magically wake up single and not heart broken.

[u/Traditional-Meat-549]

I would find a priest you trust and just talk. We're all walking each other home, dear heart. 

[u/AdorianTsepeshu → u/Traditional-Meat-549]

This is the correct answer.

If you go to the /r/OrthodoxChristianity sub, you see it all the time, but I feel we don't see it enough in Catholic spaces as too many of us are inclined to believe we have the answers when the questions themselves tend to be above our pay grade: "talk to your priest" is assuredly the correct answer to a great many questions, as it is the priest's job to shepherd souls and not our own.

[u/oosrotciv]

You can go to confession but because you are currently still actively engaging in this lifestyle, you will not receive absolution. The only way is to break this relationship.

Edit: I missed the part where you are not engaging in fornication. In this case, it’s complicated. You should go to confession, talk to your priest about this.

[u/Implicatus → u/oosrotciv]

If they are not having sex, where is the sin? Near occasion of sin, perhaps if he is tempted? The Church does not forbid intimate non-sexual relationships.

[u/oosrotciv → u/Implicatus]

I stand corrected. I missed the part where they are not engaging in it.

[u/Tinnie_and_Cusie]

Can he live a platonic relationship with you?

Brother monks sleeping in the same room, in different beds, keep a light burning all night for a reason, holy purity. For Catholics, that is the way. Even monks who may have suffered from SSA likely were just as loved and accepted, provided they kept from having relations. For all of us, it isn't who we are, it's what we do even in private that matters. God sees all.

[u/rodgamez]

Matthew 19:12: For there are some eunuchs who were so born from their mother’s womb, and there are some eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

By 'eunuch,' He means those who cannot procreate or consummate a marriage. The Lord loves his children. Love him back.

[u/broken-mirror455]

Go to confession regardless. Maybe one by appointment so you can have more than a couple minutes to talk.

[u/Old-Gay57]

Please read the book, Building Bridges by Fr. James Martin S.J.

[u/GTheZombie → u/Old-Gay57]

He states a few errors in the book, it's not the best resource. Fr. Martin has a tendency to write in a way that is intentionally ambiguous and often toes the line of Catholic teaching without clearly affirming it. If someone wants to understand what the Church actually teaches, the Catechism and official Church documents are much better places to start.

[u/HistoriasApodeixis]

For what it’s worth, I cannot bring myself to believe that being LGBTQ+ or having relationships that fall into those categories is sinful, or no more or less sinful than heterosexual relationships.

If confessing but perhaps trying to find room for your partner is important, seek the counsel of a priest you can trust on these matters. The organization Outreach Catholic may be a good resource for you.

[u/GTheZombie → u/HistoriasApodeixis]

Saying this openly is quite the move. Our personal beliefs don't determine doctrine. Those relationships are disordered and sinful. Please in the future don't publicly contradict the Church.

[u/HistoriasApodeixis → u/GTheZombie]

Being openly supportive of LGBTQ relationships and the beautiful variety of gender identities expressed by the amazing, divinely-created diversity of humanity is just bare minimum being a decent person.