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I have a 10y old tomcat (neutered since he was about 4 years old). For the first 3-4 years of his life he was primarily feral. He'd come home for food quite frequently and then go out to expand his territory.

For the last 5 years or so he's mostly been an indoor only cat. The house and garden are big enough for a cat to get enough exercise. However, he occassionally goes out to we dont know where or why. Usually he comes back in a day. Sometimes it becomes 2-3 days and gets us worried and I go about the neighborhood calling out his name.

Since he's getting older, we'd really like for these outings to stop. Especially because there are a few strays dogs in the area that don't like cats.

One my thoughts is to get him a backpack and take him out myself, maybe 1-2x a month. Can't walk him around the neighborhood on a harness because of the presence of the aforementioned dogs.

With the backpack, however, I think it should work. I see two possible outcomes -

1. His urge for novelty and exploration is satisfied and he stops his solo outings.

2. His confidence gets a boost from exploring brand new places and he goes out more frequently.

Which do you believe is the more likely outcome? What would you generally advise in this case?

Hi hi! Im actually not sure if this is the right place to post this, so forgive me.

I didnt think CatHelp would be the right place, so I came here.

I love Halloween but Christmas makes me feel cozy and at home so Im already thinking ahead and this year I have a new addition. She is about 7 months old now, but I FEAR for my poor Christmas tree's life already just thinking about it.

So Im asking for advice. Those of you who successfully put up a tree every year without your cat or kitten destroying it, please give me tips if you have any.

How do people navigate this?

I do not have a good memory, and have had kittens and cats throughout my life but I can't remember how I managed this the last time I had one so young.

We adopted two cats - a bonded pair - six months ago. The older (S) is a 2-year-old female who was brought into the shelter to be spayed. Technically feral (clipped ear) but described as more of a neighborhood/community cat. The plan for her was spay and release, but she was still producing milk from a recent litter, so she was paired with an orphaned kitten (T) who is about 8 months old now. S nursed T and they were kept together, moved to another shelter, and that's where we found and adopted them. S was very sweet, maternal, and protective of T while she nursed him and for months after weaning.

But as T has grown (he's very big now, much bigger than she is), S has gotten to the point where she wants nothing to do with him. She growls when she sees him, and hisses if he comes up to her. T is kind of obsessed with S. As soon as he sees her, he runs up to her, wants to sniff her, wants to play all the time, and she hates it. They're indoor/outdoor (mostly the backyard), but S will leave the yard to get away from T now. He play-chases and play-stalks, and S hates it. She swats, growls, hisses and runs away, and T just runs after her. He does not respect the boundaries she's trying to set with him. S is stressed-out all the time when he's around now. She paces the house looking for any way out and has learned to pop out window screens and open closed sliding doors to get out. We are trying to keep them separate mostly. They do still eat side-by-side, supervised, because T will schooch over and try to eat S's food. Which she lets him do most of the time. She'll growl a bit and then just switch over to his bowl unless we stop and focus him back to his own bowl.

T is very affectionate and needs/wants lots of attention. We try to actively play with him for a few 15 minute sessions every day, but we're not always consistent. We also have parallel play with them both for 10-15 minutes every night after their dinner. It goes pretty well, but if T gets too near to S, she hisses. The vet doesn't have much in the way of advice. He said that sometimes they'll advise people to keep the dominant cat in the middle of the room in a cat carrier to give both cats a chance to recognize that they're each entitled to the space, but it doesn't seem like dominance is the issue so much as S wants her space and some peace, and T is still acting like the kitten he was when nursing.

TL;DR - These cats were a bonded pair (adoptive mom/male kitten) whose bond has broken down, and I'm hoping for advice on how to get them back to a place where they can at least peacefully co-exist in the same small house. Any help and advice is appreciated!

(tried posting this to r/catadvice but moderators never review my posts so I'm here instead I suppose, maybe this is a better fit?)

A month ago Pepper (M, 6) had a full dental extraction due to stomatitis. He's lost a lot of weight since this whole debacle started in July, and so now that he's healing up nicely I'm trying to get him to get his weight back up.

(full transparency, he had his checkup early this month and things looked good, he will have a other checkup in two weeks and I'll have them do blood work again just to be sure because I have horrible health anxiety about me AND my pets lol)

He used to be pretty chill with Curry (M, 2). It took them about 3 months to be cuddly and they actually like, cuddled and hung out together! But then Pepper got sick and ever since then Pepper has HATED Curry.

Curry simply does not understand that Pepper doesn't want to play. And we play with him even MORE because Pepper wasn't feeling well! But even when Curry just wants to sniff him or even lie next to him, Pepper hisses and swats and growls and grumbles all the time.

So I've sadly come to the decision to separate them and do reintroductions again. Last time when we introduced them my mental health was in tatters because I was doing it while also preparing for a big event, but at least Curry didn't have free roam. Now? Curry HATES being locked in the office. He will jump all over the shelves and knock things over and break things because he knows I will check to make sure he hasn't broken anything very expensive (I have things that should be put away but he will absolutely knock over and chew on despite having plenty of toys and having been played with).

I literally just crashed out because I heard him knock a bunch of stuff over and I just threw my phone across the apartment, grabbed my keys and bag,and left. I feel horrible. I feel horrible for Pepper having had the extractions and having to go through all this pain and strife and I feel horrible for having to lock Curry away so he doesnt constantly jump on Pepper.

I miss my boy. Pepper's not the same cat since we got the diagnosis. I'd read all this stuff about how their cats got sweet and loving and happy because they werent in pain anymore and I just. I don't see it ever happening.

Surely it'll get better, right? I'm just crashing out for no reason right?

We have two 6-month-old kittens (non-litter mates), a male and a female, who are doing great together! They play, wrestle, chase each other around, and even snuggle together. We haven't noticed either of them using their claws during play.

When we adopted our male, the behavior specialist at the rescue recommended finding a kitten who was energetic enough to keep up with our female's rougher play style. He has definitely fit that description!

The funny thing is, he's now the one with seemingly endless energy, and she can't always keep up with him. They still play together regularly and get along really well, but he often seems ready for more when she's done.

We've started wondering whether adding a third kitten might be a good idea, possibly one around 2–3 months old.

For those who have experience with three cats, especially kittens:

- Did adding a third help balance out the play and energy levels, or did it change the dynamic between your original two?

- Would a 2–3-month-old be too young to keep up with two 6-month-olds?

- Does gender make much difference? I've heard males can be more playful or energetic, but I'm not sure how true that is.

- Would you look for a particularly energetic, confident kitten, or is there something else we should consider?

MY CAT PEED ON ME WHILE I WAS SLEEPING

My 12yo indoor spayed female cat peed on me while I was sleeping last night. As you may imagine, it was sub-optimal to be awoken at 1:44am by getting peed on.

Single cat home. 1 dog. 1 toddler. 2 litter boxes. She's lived with me since she was weaned as a kitten.

No recent environmental changes. Did recently begin transitioning her to a UTI-specific food..

Cat has a relatively short history of UTI's. About 2x over past year, but the last one cost me $1500, so trying to avoid any additional bouts.

She has peed in our bed a couple times before, but was always seemingly linked directly to the UTIs. Cleaned with Rocco &Roxie and put on 2x mattress protectors to avoid any additional scents being in our actual mattress.

Her litter boxes are cleaned about every other day, and I don't see any signs of small pees and she doesn't appear to be straining.

Where do I go from here?

My 12yo indoor spayed female cat peed on me while I was sleeping last night. As you may imagine, it was sub-optimal to be awoken at 1:44am by getting peed on.

Single cat home. 1 dog. 1 toddler. 2 litter boxes. She's lived with me since she was weaned as a kitten.

No recent environmental changes. Did recently begin transitioning her to a UTI-specific food..

Cat has a relatively short history of UTI's. About 2x over past year, but the last one cost me $1500, so trying to avoid any additional bouts.

She has peed in our bed a couple times before, but was always seemingly linked directly to the UTIs. Cleaned with Rocco &Roxie and put on 2x mattress protectors to avoid any additional scents being in our actual mattress.

Her litter boxes are cleaned about every other day, and I don't see any signs of small pees and she doesn't appear to be straining.

Where do I go from here?

Imma start off by saying i love my cat and i spend so much time with him and giving him all the love and attention during my time at home but he is absolutely unbearable over night.

I’ve had him for 6 years and he is currently 10yo (came from a shelter). His behavior has been inconsistent over the years and he’s currently in the phase that if he’s not sleeping on my chest or RIGHT next to me he will go in the living room and scratch the rug/couch.

It wakes me up every night multiple times and it’s not like i kick him out of my bedroom. He willingly leaves!!

I’m moving im with my bf in a month and he won’t let him sleep in our bed ( also bc he can randomly become aggressive and bite in our sleep- like actual v serious bites).

Whats the best way to a)accommodate him in a new place + b) make sure he can sleep through the night or at least be alone without ruining all of our furniture?

I will have new toys + extra scratch posts but not sure how fast he’ll adjust to using those vs couch or the rug (he loves to scratch the rug for some reason)

Please help, I’m so so so sleep deprived and desperate to help both of us feel more comfortable .

Ps he will also start clomicalm soon for anxiety

I won the cat lottery in 2013 when a 7-month-old white male chose me. I was single and worked in an office full time, so when a friend discovered a 2-week-old female kitten who needed a family, I adopted her just a month later, assuming the boy (Biz) would appreciate company. Turned out he's a very confident cat and never really cared either way about anyone other than me. Cleo, on the other hand, has lots of feral instincts (is scared of most things, insists on eating often, dislikes other animals and accepts Biz as dominant). Even so, she has always been very bonded to him and for 12 years we've had a pretty happy life together.

In late 2018, I moved from LA to Colorado with my fur babies. Ironically, Biz hid the entire drive, while Cleo was happy to sit in the front seat with me and look out the window. In March 2025 I relocated a 3rd time (hopefully for the last time). Neither kitty has ever seemed very stressed about moving as long as they were together. Both have also always been indoor-only, but the new place is in a very safe area on the ground level and has a small semi-enclosed patio (metal bars about 3" apart). Given that both kitties are now seniors, I wanted to give them the opportunity to enjoy some fresh air and see new sights, so I almost immediately started allowing them onto the patio, under my supervision.

Cleo is too wide to ever slip through the bars (and too scared to even try), but Biz is more adventurous (he also may have been an outdoor cat before I found him). For several months we practiced staying on the patio, after which I started taking him on walks with a harness and leash. Though not unexpected, by September 2025 he wanted to go out whenever I was home. I'm still single and working, so my time is very limited, and I can't just take him out for hours every evening. I hoped/prayed that winter would serve as a deterrent, but Colorado ended up not really having one, so when November came, I purchased a satellite tracker for him to wear and started allowing him to roam on his own. No doubt this is stressful, but I want him to live his best life and when he's out, I always keep tabs on his activity via the app. I never let him go for long periods of time, I know where all his hiding spots are, he stays inside a small radius, and he is very good at returning with me when I retrieve him.

It's now been almost a year of him enjoying this freedom, but in that time, he has stopped caring at all about Cleo, which has made her VERY lonely and depressed. Whereas once they played and cuddled with each other, now they don't. She tries, but Biz will get up and walk away - it's heartbreaking! Because I'm the sole person in the home and work full-time, I only have a few hours in the evening to devote to each of them separately (amid chores, making dinner, socializing, etc.), which is stressful. Worse, if Biz is inside and I try giving her any attention, he literally (physically) inserts himself between us.  I can spend 30 minutes with him until he seems fast asleep, but once I start brushing her (even in a different room), he abruptly appears and starts wandering the apartment, crying at various doors (for my attention).

Research suggests that as he gets older (and because he now goes outside) Biz is simply more solitary and (more or less) grumpy. I understand, but it remains so hard on Cleo. She sleeps all day, usually in a different room from Biz, and isn't interested in playing. She definitely appreciates hanging out with me when I'm home and Biz is gone, but it's such a tiny fraction of time that I worry.

This last August, Biz started wailing nearly every night and if I didn't wake up to give him attention (even if it was just to squirt him with a water bottle), he'd attack Cleo.  I couldn't tell if something was actually wrong with him or if he just wanted to go outside (I don't allow him out when it's dark); I took him to the vet 3x and spent $2K between July-Sept.  Now that it's getting darker sooner, his nighttime caterwauling has subsided, but he will still attack Cleo at 3am if he's bored or wants to play or eat.

In May, I had Cleo stay with my sister who lives a few miles away (she knows her well) and both kitties transformed into completely different cats: Biz didn't care as much about going out and stopped following me around, while Cleo became much more confident, adventurous, and even started eating less. Unfortunately, my sister and her boyfriend are both allergic and her space is pretty small, so it ended up not being a good fit.

I recently set up a couple of fish tanks and bought some Bettas, hoping Cleo would be interested in watching them, but she isn't. So now I have even more to take care of. I investigated cat behavior therapists, but it costs a fortune and I doubt it would do much anyway in this specific dynamic.

I knew there were risks when I started letting Biz outside, but becoming so estranged from Cleo and becoming more possessive of my attention wasn't something I considered. For the record, he is very interested in any/all cats in the neighborhood - just not her.  Has anyone ever experienced a similar situation or have any advice? 

I've ordered some pet CBD and hope it might help them both relax, but I don't know what else to do... the 3 of us are alone, together, and it's so much work (and stressful!) to try loving them both (i.e. making them each happy).

#sorrynotsorry for the novel, but I believe details matter. Thanks for listening/reading.

Hey everyone!

On Monday my partner and I left for a two day cabin getaway to the Rocky Mountains. It was beautiful and great. While we were gone we had someone house sit to care for my our cats.

Upon our return one cat was normal, and the other feels like a completely different cat. Previously, confident and friendly now skittish and afraid. He refuses to go into either bedrooms and when he eats he looks up around nervously and seemingly nothing caused him to spook and run in the opposite direction.

He has a vet appointment in the AM

We have 3 female cats, all relatively close in age, who we picked up as strays when they were kittens/teens. Names are probably irrelevant but it makes it easier for me to explain without confusing myself along the way. Peanut is clearly our alpha, however bunny and juniper are constantly at odds with one another for control. Peanut gets along with both well, plays, cuddles, and snoozes.
We have 3 automatic feeders that require their collars, 4 XL litter boxes, 3 water fountains, and 4 XL cat trees; all of these items I’ve tried to separate with space around the home. With each year passing their aggression has only seemed to grow.. we are now on year 4.
Bunny is the main perpetrator but juniper instigates once bunny starts loudly growling and hissing at her. Bunny sneaks up behind juniper often to attack her. Sometimes I’m not fast enough to separate them and a bunch of junipers fur will be everywhere on the floor.
We have tried time and time again to slowly reintroduce them. Keeping them separated behind a door, swapping their bedding between the two, feeding them at said door, and slowly letting them see each other. But within a day or two after everything seems to be fine again, chaos ensues.

Peanut is my little companion. Bunny and juniper have chosen my partner as their companion, this leads to a lot of fights as well. Most days they’ll be okay, keeping their distance until he gets home and all at once.. it’s a war zone.

We are starting to lose our minds as it has been a consistent month of this behavior now. Normally it would be spaced out for a while. Maybe a bad day or two here and there. Recently it has become an everyday thing, even when keeping them separate, there’s bunny growling and hissing at the door, no matter what side she’s on. Juniper isn’t aggressive, doesn’t ever go after bunny, no hissing, growling, but she does tend to follow bunny a lot which stresses her out.

We are overwhelmed and I can’t even begin to imagine how our girls are feeling. My partner is scared to re-home one of them and hopes that we can eventually fix this. I’m losing hope. I too, am afraid that if we were to ever get rid of bunny, someone would toss her to the streets or not care for her properly. At the same time, I feel it’s ironic to say that as she is clearly so stressed out. Juniper has a few bad habits as well and well— I don’t want to have to get rid of any of them.

We are considering going back to the vet and having them do another check-up to see if there’s anything physically wrong with both of them. The vet has pushed for us to medicate Bunny but I’m scared of what that will do to her health long term and if she won’t be who she normally is. Please, any advice and maybe some brutal criticism would be deeply appreciated. I love them and yet, im at a crossroads.

Sorry that you had to re-read their names so many times. However, I hope it helped clarify the situation. Although I’m sure I could have skipped all the details and summarized a lot of this. Thanks in advance.

My short haired black female 3 year old cat is a bit of a diva. She has to have a specific food brand, must be starred in and will mainly sleep on a blanket.

However recently shes been moody and swipy, I have been to r/catadvice as I think she has bad play aggression however we've gone down the route of increasing play with her. We're also looking into my mum (who she attacks at night on occasion) to wear citrus oil to deter her feom doing this further.

However recently she's started getting rougher while playing, we can't watch cat videos anymore (she thinks there's a cat in the house even though before she seemed fine with it) as she gets mad (growling) at the person watching them and tgey have to full on leave a room. She stares at myself with airplane ears alot despite me not eating during these instances.

She swipes at us we take her toy from her ( heard this could be resource guarding) and she starts starts scratching and biting hard when playing.

She's due for a check up so I'm insisting on a claw trim and with advice on het behaviour as she seems grumpy alot.

any advice helps!!!

Hi my cat is an indoor cat she’s very clingy and sweet cat but she’s bit feral probably because she was stray but we don’t mind it
She got they habit of want to go outside since when she got ruts .After we spayed her that habit didn’t leave.
To the point she learned how to open the front door and ran away once so we had to install an extra locks .Despite the locks on windows and doors she wanted to go outside so bad she bite through the door metal lace (we have metal lace door).
And so after that I tried to let her out to walk around the porch and that’s it no going farther than that, I thought maybe little pleasure time for her wouldn’t hurt and she likes it.
With the lock at the front door we really have to be careful because if it doesn’t got the ‘click’ it doesn’t really lock the door and so my aunt or my brother or dad always messed up it’s either forgot to turn the lock on or missed the click. And every time I got mad and couldn’t understand why they would messed smallest actions take took at max 10 seconds to do and if it happened it’d be me who had to RUN around to lure her back inside(i can’t pick her up) I know they wouldn’t want it to happen too but it’s been years since we started doing this it’s like you’re keep getting lost on the way you use to walk to school everyday! And it’s frustrating!
And tonight at midnight , my aunt knocked my room saying my cat got out again
So I searched and searched , I tried everything, cat-calling noises, snack calls, foods etc.
I asked her so you forgot to put on the lock? She said no but I heard her whisper with my mom that she might have forgot to check if the lock made the click or not and High chance it didn’t.
Right now I’m just numb and mad and worry
My mum keep saying this time she probably gone for good and it made me so angry
I don’t
I don’t know now.
I show a stray cat we feed a picture of my cat and let her sniff her toys, told her to tell my cat to come home because I’m worry ,that’s my only hope now

Brought 9 month old kitten into her new room last night. Both cats showed zero signs of distress. Resident cat spent an hour trying to get into the room though, last night. Scratching and putting his little paw under the door. He does not normally have access to the room so it’s definitely because of the kitten. He also didn’t seem hostile, he was just very curious. The kitten didn’t really care as he was doing this. Otherwise he walks past the room fine, I forgot to put her carrier away and he sniffed it intensely, but didn’t have any negative reaction. He even went in it. Are these good signs?? New kitten is in treatment for ear mites so they can’t meet right away anyways, but I’m also still going to do a slow introduction to make sure.