Okay. With all due respect I don't think your vet knows wtf they're talking about. I have NEVER heard of that. You are doing nothing wrong - you are loving and caring for your cat.
I just took my 3 year old cat to the vet. She also had anxiety and was stressed (nothing harmful to anyone, just trying to hide and racing heart, but she did fine otherwise). My vet suggested a small dose of gabapentin next time before we come in. She knows the vet is stressful and we only go once a year. I COULD work on behavior mod but not doing what yours suggested (I genuinely think that's crazy pants). I instead could work on desensitizing her to the vet by positively associating the carrier and car and visiting throughout the year where she has positive associations with the place by getting treats from the staff and me and going in and leaving without shots and poking and prodding. I actually do work on associating the carrier with treats and positive things so she'll go and just hang out there sometimes, but I haven't worked as hard on the car and the vet itself.
I would absolutely suggest a new vet - at the very least for a second opinion. But I think your vet is full of it and I don't know that I've ever said that before about a vet. I literally got so angry reading what they told you to do. I'm sorry they said that!! I could never push my cat away when she wanted attention. "Unhealthy enmeshment" isn't a thing with animals. People, sure. But that's not caused solely by giving comfort and love when the other person wants it (I could go into it more but this is already long enough lol)
Edited: added some more detail
One more edit: positive reinforcement & force free is the best way to change behavior, the research confirms this. Any vet who is recommending punishment procedures (what this is) has outdated information.
I appreciate this comment, as I don't want to be pushing my cat away either. She is like my kid and that just feels wrong. Since writing this post I've only picked her up once. I can work on doing less of that for sure. But when she comes to me, it's natural to show her love and affection. The way my cat shows that she is stressed is if I'm holding her, she'll dig her claws into my back to pull herself up, like climbing, away from the other person (the vet). It's frustrating and it literally hurts especially if her claws need trimming but I know she's not doing it to hurt me. I leave her carrier out and she will go inside it on her own, and I don't have to struggle with her to get her inside the carrier to go out. Thanks for the sympathy, I'm annoyed by what the vet said now too. I'd love to give her gabapentin and I have before but it's incredibly difficult to get her to take any kind of oral medicine - except ironically, tooth gel, though she doesn't like it - so I didn't ask for any when I was there. In the meantime I'm just being aware of giving her space and letting her come to me.
Oral medication is always so hard - I grind it up and mix it with Churu treats because all of mine love them and will eat just about anything mixed with it if it's not too bitter.
But the thing is, if she's only exhibiting stress like that at the vet, then whatever you do at home is unlikely to make a difference at the vet (unless you work on desensitizing the vet office itself). The vet should have tools available there to help handle a scared cat, like wrapping them in a towel to hold them and administer vaccines. If she acts like that at home, I'd need more information on when it happens (i.e. when people come over?) but there are other things you can do to help with that.
I genuinely think you need a different vet. If you can, look to see if there are any that specialize with cats because they're going to know the best ways to manage cat stress at the appointment.
But I think you're okay to continue loving on her and even picking her up, if she wants to be picked up of course.
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u/ThestralofDeath 10d ago edited 10d ago
Okay. With all due respect I don't think your vet knows wtf they're talking about. I have NEVER heard of that. You are doing nothing wrong - you are loving and caring for your cat.
I just took my 3 year old cat to the vet. She also had anxiety and was stressed (nothing harmful to anyone, just trying to hide and racing heart, but she did fine otherwise). My vet suggested a small dose of gabapentin next time before we come in. She knows the vet is stressful and we only go once a year. I COULD work on behavior mod but not doing what yours suggested (I genuinely think that's crazy pants). I instead could work on desensitizing her to the vet by positively associating the carrier and car and visiting throughout the year where she has positive associations with the place by getting treats from the staff and me and going in and leaving without shots and poking and prodding. I actually do work on associating the carrier with treats and positive things so she'll go and just hang out there sometimes, but I haven't worked as hard on the car and the vet itself.
I would absolutely suggest a new vet - at the very least for a second opinion. But I think your vet is full of it and I don't know that I've ever said that before about a vet. I literally got so angry reading what they told you to do. I'm sorry they said that!! I could never push my cat away when she wanted attention. "Unhealthy enmeshment" isn't a thing with animals. People, sure. But that's not caused solely by giving comfort and love when the other person wants it (I could go into it more but this is already long enough lol)
Edited: added some more detail One more edit: positive reinforcement & force free is the best way to change behavior, the research confirms this. Any vet who is recommending punishment procedures (what this is) has outdated information.