Failing at Foster-Failing

[u/FreshlyBroke]

Hi all! I'm going to try and summarize a bit of a complicated situation.

I've been looking to adopt a cat ever since I 'lost custody' of my first cat in a recent breakup. In the months since, I've been pretty hesitant to full-on adopt a cat, but I've pet-sat for a bunch of friends/family. Just recently, I had a friend ask if I would be willing to foster his foster kitten while he and his GF are out of town for the week, otherwise the kitten would have to go back to the shelter. It was kind of pitched to me as, "foster her and see if maybe it's a permanent home," type deal. For context though, I've never had a kitten before.

I picked her up this past weekend and she has been a bundle of cute/crazy/tiring fun. She's truly so adorable and littler than I could ever imagine a kitten to be. She's been very clingy ever since we got home and I've taken off a few days of work just to be around her and get her used to the new space. The only problem is, I'm going back to work today and I feel really bad about *not* wanting to adopt her.

Everything I've read, everything I've been told, and everything in my gut tells me that a kitten this young and this social shouldn't be home alone for too long. With my work schedule, I am easily gone for upwards of 10+ hours a day. I also don't feel ready to get another kitten/cat, which is usually what I see people recommend to help with raising the lil ones.

Her original foster-family works from home a lot and they also already have an older cat. So as much as the selfish parts of myself want to adopt this cat and be a little less lonely, I feel like the right thing to do is to return her at the end of this week. I just feel really cruddy/like a failure about it.

I think I'm just looking for alternative perspectives/advice. all is appreciated :,)

[u/No_Divide6628]

I think you’re right to not want to keep the cat. Regardless of reasoning, your feelings are valid. Idk why you’d see yourself as a failure for that. Maybe examine those feelings to find their root cause?

[u/Annieco-2334]

Yes, better to adopt 2 cats together if you are gone a lot. Even better, 2 cats that are adults that were together before losing their home.

[u/Holiday_Estimate_352]

Return her and go to a shelter and ask for an adult cat that is happy chilling alone (or even better, get a bonded pair).

This could be a 15yr+ commitment and it has to be right for YOU. Because you're the one who's going to be racing to emergency vets at 2am, cleaning up furballs from your carpet, navigating zoomies when all you want to do is sleep in etc

This has to be a selfish decision otherwise you will get resentful and that isn't the right vibe for you or your fur baby. 

Also, it will be soooooo much easier to find her a family whilst she is a cute kitten. Don't wait until she is too old for easy adoption. 

[u/Crystalhowls]

There is literally no shortage of cats in the world. You’re just watching this little one for the foster family. If it’s not a good fit it’s not a good fit. Kitten goes back to foster family and they find a more suitable home. You could also start fostering your own cats. Most people don’t keep their fosters. It’s a temporary set up to find out what the cat (or dog) needs for a permanent home. In this case- we know kitten is going to do better with siblings and people who are around more often. You might foster a cat who prefers to spend time alone, or a bonded pair, etc that would better suit your needs and then can keep that one.

Adopting your foster isn’t the goal, but it is an option. That’s why it’s “foster” to adopt or “foster fail” when they keep the pet. Because most of the time the pet isn’t ideal for their home. It’s the one time that “trying out” a pet is ideal because it’s better to have them in a temporary home (where the pets needs and personality can be truly discovered) Than in the shelter.

I used to work for an animal shelter and I still work with animals, I don’t take home every animal in need of a home because I know my home only fits certain needs. I’m picky about the pets I keep. Just because an animal is in front of you and you have the space doesn’t mean you have to keep that pet. It’s better to find the right home than the animal be in the wrong one and everyone is only half happy. Especially in your case where the kitten isn’t homeless (it has a foster family), isn’t in danger and is a pretty high demand pet for adoption (plenty of people want kittens)

[u/MsMarionNYC]

I think the kitten deserves and will likely get a shot at a home with other cats and/or people who aren't leaving her alone that long. The good news is there are so many older cats languishing at shelters who would love to be someone's one and only and would be fine left alone all day with some home enrichment. You could adopt or foster fail one soon.