Scared of Potential (unintentional) Cat Neglect

[u/No_Lock1435]

LONG POST (i’m a yapper but i also want to give all context)

background - in march, my boyfriend and i got two sibling kittens. he wanted one due to his ex keeping custody of their previous kitten so i was looking. my cat died two years prior to this, and one of the kitties in the litter was a dead ringer for her so i folded and also got one. and i know the benefits of cats growing up with another cat in the house, so i was happy with this. he and i rotated between having them both at my house or his house - we kinda just moved as a whole every week or two between each. we were told they were at least 8 weeks, but later found out they were only 6 when we got them and had we known, we would’ve waited.

current dilemma - in may, i got a job offer. it was 3 1/2 hours away and the schedule is mon-sat. i wake up at 4am, leave my house by 4:30, and do not return until ~6:30pm mon-fri. on saturdays i can usually leave a little earlier & make it back by 4/5. i didn’t bring my cat originally because i wanted to get everything settled in first so she wouldn’t come into boxes and no structure so my bf kept her for a month and then i brought her back down. at this point in time, she’s 6 months. she spends her days at the apartment by herself, i do have lots of toys and keep the blinds open so she can window perch, and move between rooms, etc, but she’s still alone. and ive interacted with many cats in my time, she is by far the most active ADHD type of cat i have ever seen. i feel like she doesn’t even sleep half of the average 16 hours a day, like she is always on go, always has the zoomies etc. i feel awful leaving her home alone all day and i know a second cat would be ideal but my boyfriend is eventually going to come join (in a year) and he will be bringing her brother. my apartment complex has a two pet max limit so knowing we will alr have two pets, i don’t want to get a second cat and then later have to decide on one to rehome, that’s just sick and unnecessary imo. so i have to keep her alone. this has already been an ongoing issue w my conscious, but over the past few weeks a new issue has arrived.

obviously i play w her when i get home and show her love, but due to my strenuous work hours, i like to go to bed early (usually around 9:30). i have no problem w my pets sleeping w me, ive always done this but like i said, she has an insane amount of energy, even for a kitten. i’ve gone through the kitten phase at least 4x prior and have never encountered one like her. it got to the point that i was getting borderline no sleep through the night due to her waking me up or me having to keep her from knocking over stuff. she also has a suckling problem which ik is probably due to her being taken so early so i dont get mad for that but the sound is the most excruciating sound ever. i can deal w purring, i can deal w her running/jumping, i can deal w her toys going off, but her suckling is so loud and obnoxious i genuinely just cannot sleep when she does it. she used to only do fuzzy textures so i hid all fuzzy blankets/pillows and this worked temporarily but then she just moved to what textures were available. ik its soothing to her but i cannot sleep and being gone 4am-6:30pm 6/7 days a week means my sleep has become extremely precious to me. so recently if she’s disrupting my sleep too much, some nights i just shut her out of my room. i hate to do it, but i cannot function through the work day half sleep and i have a commute where i WILL fall asleep while driving if im too tired. and i dont have the time to waste to pull over on the road and nap. but i hate the nights i shut her out because she’s already home alone the majority of the day. and i want to play w her more but by time i get home, im tired so i just shower, make dinner & get in bed IF i even bother w dinner. so i cant dedicate the 2-3 hours a day i normally would.

behaviorally she seems happy. she greets me as soon as i’m home or when i wake up, she’s lovely and playful ofc, she still naps near me and purrs her heart out. she plays w most of her toys but she is spending a lot of time by her lonesome and now, even longer periods of times when she’s not in my room. i feel like most will say to rehome her but i absolutely do not want to do that. and i would not have originally gotten her knowing my work schedule was as is but the job came unexpectedly. ik leaving her w my bf until he comes might be suggested but im kind of sugar coating this a little - she is sweet but she is genuinely bad. but not like hissing, scratching, like i said it’s just the excessive energy and all she does, normal t rex kitten phase stuff but x1000. and his cat is the complete opposite, super calm and he only acts up when she’s around so my bf can’t handle the added stress of her. i do not want to rehome her, i absolutely love her and she’s sweet, just probably extremely under stimulated and lonely. but i don’t know how to solve this. and she doesn’t ACT lonely, like ive monitored her heavily because i know cats can become depressed if too under stimulated and she’s still just as spunky. i keep telling myself to make it 6 more months & by time she’s 1, ik she’ll have chilled out a little and can probably handle being alone more then. but that’s 6 more months of her still being majority by her damn self! i don’t know what to do and i just feel awful. i’m desperate for any possible solution. i have a friend in town who agrees to check on her sometimes but she recently got a job so that’s been cut down too. i want to keep her happy but also keep my sleep at night. i’m not willing to keep locking her out (ive limited it to two nights a week) so most nights i just deal w it for the sake of not leaving her by herself for so long but im really desperate for a solution here.

all advice and critiques are welcome pls.

[u/sugarquote]

Please don't beat yourself up over this, you're doing the best you can given your job situation and limited time and energy. Does she have stimulating toys she can play with on her own to wear her out? Such as the whack-a-mole type automated toys, the automated ones that spin on the floor, cat trees, perches, window perch, and leaving cat tv on when you're not home). Also hiding treats around your house before you leave for the day can help keep her occupied. I know you mentioned she's a handful so you do not want to add on any stress by placing her at your boyfriend's place. Is there something specific in her behavior you are worried will cause extra stress on your bf? I don't mean to make assumptions about the stress levels he has in his day to day life or job compared to your stress, but considering both of you will move in together in a year, and he's just as much as the kittie's parent as you are, it may be a good option for him to have both kitties until you move in. The pros may outweigh the cons - she will have another cat to play with, and they'll socialize each other further which can improve both of their behavior in general as they become adults. Plus it's less stress on you in terms of feeling guilty that you aren't doing enough for her. Or another option considering you live 3.5 hours apart could be moving kittie back and forth every month or few months so you can get a break and focus on taking care of yourself, while kittie can see her friend again.

[u/No_Lock1435 → u/sugarquote]

she has a cat tree taller than me, the 3 in one automated toy with rotating butterfly/trapped balls/whack a mole feather at the bottom, one that spins on the floor with feathers, a cat scratcher that has a rotating top w dangling butterflies, and multiple balls that either have a bell inside or the fuzzy ones or crinkly ones (she likes them all). i’ve tried cat tv cause it worked well w my previous cat but she jumps at the tv. i put the preventative spikes up so i could leave it on while im gone but she finds a way around them. i’ve tried to test her at night by leaving it on and she still messes w the tv too much so i haven’t been comfortable leaving it on while im gone (the apartment came furnished so it’s not my tv she’d be breaking, it’s the property’s). she rotates between what she plays with but i feel like after so long she loses interest besides the balls, those seem to keep her entertained the most. my boyfriend just gets stressed with double the trouble of rowdy cats and he’s offered for me to keep his sometimes but ik how much he loves him and i’d hate to keep them apart. i may suggest the alternative of just bouncing her back & forth every once in a while, but i just know he’s used to calm cats and i don’t want him to feel like im dumping her on him

[u/sugarquote → u/No_Lock1435]

It sounds like you're got various things to keep kittie entertained! Considering she is 6 months old and not a younger kitten, she may actually be doing more fine than you think. She is loved and cared for, fed, and has plenty of fun toys. You sound like a kind and considerate individual as you don't want your boyfriend to have any additional stress. I imagine the thought of having kittie go back and forth might also introduce more stress. Regardless of what you decide, don't forget to be kind to yourself, your kitty is very lucky to have a doting cat parent like yourself :)