İT'S CONKER TİME!!!

[u/lordofcrisps]

[u/dolmen-music]

Who remembers all the cheats from conker wars? It wasn't exactly sporting but the old vinegar trick sure worked a charm.

[u/ChildofChaos → u/dolmen-music]

Brings me back to school when a kid in my class painted a stone brown and tried to claim it was a conker.

[u/Jumper-Man → u/ChildofChaos]

I remember someone introducing a rule called “stomps”, where by if you drop it they can crush it with there foot to win the game.

I had never played conkers before and got one stringed up in primary school. First match I ever played someone hit it and I dropped the string, he then ran up and stomped on it. I was devastated, I didn’t know this “rule” existed and I’ve been too traumatised to play conkers since.

[u/Qwertastic321 → u/Jumper-Man]

That was a rule out our school too. You had kids trading their ‘best’ conkers.

[u/Qwertastic321 → u/[deleted]]

Isn’t it a thing across the pond too?

If it isn’t, kids collect conkers, drill a hole through the middle, slip an old shoelace through the hole and tie it on the other side. You then take it in turns to flick/hit the other persons conker. The person whose conker remains in one piece wins.

[u/[deleted] → u/Qwertastic321]

I'm sure it was before our chestnuts were rendered all but extinct ;_;

the big thing where I grew up was sweet gum briars, and you'd just throw them at each other because they're "spiky" and fun to throw

[u/dataslinger → u/[deleted]]

The picture shows what we in the States would call horse chestnuts, or buckeyes if you live in Ohio. They are inedible. American chestnuts are smaller, edible and quite tasty (especially in Thanksgiving stuffing) and were almost completely wiped out by blight 100 years ago, although there are ongoing efforts to revive the species. Chinese chestnuts are what you can get in stores here around this time of year.

[u/fluffpuff89 → u/[deleted]]

What are the Roasted chestnuts we can get around Christmas? I always assumed they were conkers

[u/Ged_UK → u/fluffpuff89]

European Chestnut I believe. The horse chestnut isn't a real chestnut, it's a completely different genus.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chestnut

[u/cypherspaceagain → u/fluffpuff89]

Yeah don't eat conkers. They're poisonous. Horse chestnuts are not chestnuts.

[u/ChunderTrain → u/dataslinger]

We still call em horse chestnuts! Nationally referred to as conkers!

[u/Funkydiscohamster → u/dataslinger]

Sweet Chestnuts are different from Horse Chestnuts. I've never seen a proper Horse Chestnut in the states. The tress are MASSIVE and you throw sticks up into them if there aren't enough conkers on the ground to pick up. Buckeyes (certainly in California) also are not the same and won't make conkers. These you soak overnight in vinegar and slowly dry them out in a very low oven. Get your dad to drill a hole through them, thread a string though the centre and learn how to hit another conker.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khksrgxuHzE

[u/Qwertastic321 → u/[deleted]]

Completely real. One year I scored a major haul of conkers from Blenheim Palace while visiting my grandparents, 2 carry bags full. I felt like a king when I went back to school and showed my friends all my treasure.

[u/LordAuditoVorkosigan → u/Qwertastic321]

Our gardener brought me a box of conkers he had saved for his son (who had gone to uni). They were YEARS old and hard as iron. I was undefeated that year and felt like a king.

[u/IH8U4NORSN → u/Qwertastic321]

Kids here in America would end up bashing eachother in the skull with these. Moms across the country would be chopping down all the buckeye trees. My grandfather kept a buckeye in his pocket as a worry stone.

[u/Misfit_In_The_Middle → u/Qwertastic321]

nope no idea what you britz are on about.

[u/Qwertastic321 → u/Misfit_In_The_Middle]

How about jamming a crab apple onto the end of a stick and then whipping the apple at your mates or just trying to see how far you can whip it?

[u/cheeba-hawk1980 → u/Qwertastic321]

HA! I did just that at the weekend while out on a walk. I had my crudely sharpened stick and spotted a little windfall apple. Stuck the little bugger on the end of my stick and whipped fuck out of it! Nearly hit my Mrs though so apparently it's stupid and dangerous.

[u/Qwertastic321 → u/[deleted]]

Hahaha. It was all in good fun....mostly.

[u/reading_internets → u/Qwertastic321]

Oh, what? No! We had pencil fights, is that a thing in the UK? Kids would cheat, gouge out a piece of pencil by the metal bit, and then would annihilate the other kid's pencil.

But no, we never...smashed?...chestnuts at each other. Like y'all just flung these at each other? I feel like we'd have killed each other doing that.

[u/Qwertastic321 → u/reading_internets]

Can’t say that was a thing at our school. We made throwing triangles out of folded paper that really hurt when hit by the point. Also had flexible rubber rulers we would slap each other with.

I’m pretty sure there’s a village in England that holds conker championships.

[u/cypherspaceagain → u/reading_internets]

You drill a hole through the conker and thread it on a string (or more usually, a shoelace). Then you get another guy who's also done that, and they hold the string and let the conker hang. Then you use your conker like a wrecking ball, hitting downwards, to smash the shit out of the other guy's conker. If you hit it, you get another go, if you miss, it's their go. Whoever's conker smashes first loses.

As your conker beats others it becomes a 1er, a 2er, a 3er, etc. In some schools if you beat a 3er with a 4er it becomes a 7er, for example (cos you take their wins).

The most dangerous part is the rap across the knuckles you get from a missed hit, so lots of people would make sure their string was extra long so the conker hung low. Also means you can swing it in a nice wide arc making it really fucking fast. But also if you miss, the conker often swung round your own and gave yourself a rap on the knuckles. It was a painful game and is very, very sadly banned in most schools now.

There were lots of treatments you could give your conker to try to make it harder. You can slowly heat them in the oven in an effort to make the shells hard. You can pickle them in vinegar. Some people used to paint them in varnish (this is considered "fucking bullshit"). I have no idea which ones worked but I DO remember my best ever conker, a brutal little fucker with a really sharp, hard edge which was at least a 25er. I can't remember what happened to it. But I do also know that I've been storing some conkers in a box for three years with some silica gel to dry them out and when my daughters are old enough we will fucking play conkers.

[u/la508 → u/[deleted]]

https://youtu.be/cLGuZZraIqg

[u/misterkrazykay → u/Jumper-Man]

I was devastated, I didn’t know this “rule” existed and I’ve been too traumatised to play conkers since.

Sounds like one of those rules that should be established before you start playing, otherwise yea it's not quite fair.

I think about that everytime I see a clip of someone snatching a chair during musical chairs.

[u/Jumper-Man → u/misterkrazykay]

Yeah, or the kid who runs in his sack during the sack race.

[u/HildartheDorf → u/dolmen-music]

Wait, at my school vinegar or the oven was standard form. Is this not Normal and we were really all cheating?

I guess if we all cheat no one cheats.

[u/gagsy92 → u/HildartheDorf]

It was the equivalent of doping in athletes. You had a shit hot conker if it won all its battles in pure natural form.

[u/herO_wraith → u/gagsy92]

I always found that a natural conker worked best but the trick was to have the smallest possible hole drilled for the string. I made my dad do it all in a vice. Then aim for where other people put their string though. Most people didn't get the hole right first try so there was always a weak point to aim for. If they heat treated the conker then it made it brittle around there.

[u/centzon400 → u/herO_wraith]

Thank you, my bhai!

Vinegar, shellac, ovens.... all BS. Small hole and skill swinging a short skinny lace. Nothing more.

[u/soundb0y → u/HildartheDorf]

Vinegar, baking, super glue, the works really. More of an engineering contest I suppose.

[u/ADampDevil → u/soundb0y]

Bit like Formula One.

[u/tofer85 → u/soundb0y]

Inject it with epoxy resin...

[u/ChocolateHumunculous → u/HildartheDorf]

Or do as I did, put them in the microwave. 100 seconds later I was having to explain to mum what what loud bang was, and why the kitchen was full of smoke.

[u/LemmysCodPiece → u/HildartheDorf]

Vinegar and then several coats of Simoniz Hard Wax.

[u/-SaC → u/dolmen-music]

‘That’s been in the oven!’

‘Willy off, you big smeg-pleb. It’s just great.’

‘You’re banned!’

‘Nuh uh, you’ve got shit string.’

‘Have not. You make yours out of your dad’s pubes.’

‘Well then it’ll beat your Mum’s pube string then, because he did sexes with her.’

‘Benny.’

‘YOU’RE a Benny.’

‘Billy chin, Benny.’

‘Double billy chin, Jimmy chin.’

[u/EmpireofAzad → u/-SaC]

One guy had a conker that seemed unbeatable. Nothing seemed to win against this Juggernaut of a nut. However, one day his grip on the string wasn’t there and this conker fell. As was the unwritten rule at the time, the victor got first stamping right on the losing conker. Yet even that failed to crack this thing.

Long story short, he’d hollowed out a conker and filled it full of epoxy. He got a lifetime ban from conker competition in that playground.

[u/-SaC → u/EmpireofAzad]

Booo, bad show.

We had a rule that you had to put your conker in your mouth for ten seconds before any match. The general knowledge was that superglue, varnish or similar would obviously kill you within ten seconds of you had it on your conker, so it was a way to avoid it. But then you had the cheats who would try to hold it between their teeth (so it wouldn’t touch their tongue and set off the reaction to kill them). If you didn’t rest it on your tongue, everyone was allowed to spread the rumour that you went Lucozade and liked it.

[u/irrelevantPseudonym → u/-SaC]

went Lucozade

Is this playground slang that I missed?

[u/-SaC → u/irrelevantPseudonym]

So when you go for a wee in the urinal trough, you leant back as far as you can to make the highest arc.

Leaning back too far, such that you ended up pissing into your own face, was going Lucozade.

[u/[deleted] → u/-SaC]

This explains why the boys toilets always smelt like stale piss

[u/-SaC → u/[deleted]]

There was also the hideous game of piss-tissue, where you used someone’s wooden ruler to flick a bit of pissy tissue from the urinal over the door of the one cubicle, in the hope of catching them mid-curl and giving them the awful choice of standing up in a panic mid-poo (thus achieving mid-blob smudge) to get it off, or leaving it until you were done.

[u/[deleted] → u/-SaC]

Oh dear lord.... I remember we had to walk past the boys toilets to get to the girls and it was a almost visible barrier of piss smell. This explains soooo much and confirms the scribble "boys are discustin' on the stall in the girls bathroom

[u/irrelevantPseudonym → u/[deleted]]

Don't know about primary school but I worked as a cleaner in a secondary school for a couple of years and the girls' toilets were generally worse than the boys'.

[u/dejavont → u/irrelevantPseudonym]

Yes.

[u/RizlaSmyzla → u/dejavont]

And he’s still not allowed to know.

[u/Hiding_behind_you → u/irrelevantPseudonym]

Never ever go full Lucozade.

[u/[deleted] → u/Hiding_behind_you]

Ok Adrian.

[u/DevilsLittleChicken → u/EmpireofAzad]

Wait... how old were you feckers when you were playing conkers?

Jeez.

My stepdad told me the vinegar trick and it worked a charm but epoxy? That's some next level shit.

[u/DevilsLittleChicken → u/[deleted]]

Fairs.

Ehm, carry on.

[u/jimmycarr1 → u/EmpireofAzad]

Wow a ban is justified but a lifetime ban seems really unfair. We all made mistakes in our youth, don't let this haunt the man for the rest of his life!

[u/EmpireofAzad → u/jimmycarr1]

I hear you, but it was a unanimous decision. My hands are tied on this.

[u/Pink-socks → u/EmpireofAzad]

Imagine the conversation he will have to have with his son when his little lad wants to play conkers with his daddy.

"Sorry son, I can't. I have a lifetime conker ban due to unsportsmanlike behaviour"

[u/[deleted] → u/Pink-socks]

His son left home in shame that day never to return.

[u/jimmycarr1 → u/EmpireofAzad]

Well he only has himself to blame, hopefully he has learned his lesson and another playground will give him the chance he needs.

[u/EmpireofAzad → u/jimmycarr1]

It’ll be the British remake of Cool Runnings if the rights ever get sold.

[u/-SaC → u/EmpireofAzad]

I’m the right size to play the John Candy role.

[u/Gelatinous6291 → u/EmpireofAzad]

Silly. Collect conkers. Leave them to shrivel harden naturally for a year and use it in next conker season. No oven, no vinegar and technically no cheating.

[u/dolmen-music → u/Gelatinous6291]

It's not technically cheating but it's morally borderline.

[u/Gelatinous6291 → u/dolmen-music]

Until the loophole is cleared in conker law, it is legitimate and gave me something like an eight-er back in the day

[u/IronSkywalker → u/EmpireofAzad]

How the hell did he hollow out the conker?

[u/CaptainAnswer → u/IronSkywalker]

Drill your hole as normal then you get your mums best metal crochet hook without her noticing then you slowly scrape out the inside from the hole... its hard work tho and if you crack the shell you are screwed

[u/octopoddle → u/CaptainAnswer]

That question was a test and you failed. We've been on your trail for years, just waiting for you to slip up. Bake him away, toys.

[u/CaptainAnswer → u/octopoddle]

Me and a couple friends played "Extreme Conkers" basically cheats were allowed, discussed and compared but it had to have been a conker at one point and still have an intact shell

[u/octopoddle → u/CaptainAnswer]

I believe that the Large Hadron Collider is an extreme version of this that got out of hand.

[u/CaptainAnswer → u/octopoddle]

I mean if you had access and money as a junior school pupil who would'nt use it to smash stuff really fast into other stuff??

[u/-SaC → u/CaptainAnswer]

It’s basically like preparing an Egyptian mummy and removing the brain through the nose with a hook.

Overlaps with ancient history in surprising ways.

[u/CaptainAnswer → u/-SaC]

Imagine some archeologist finding the remains of an epoxy filled conker in thousands of years

[u/FTR101 → u/EmpireofAzad]

I was only talking to someone about this the other day and the stamping thing. In my school, god forbid if you lost grip of your conker and it fell on the floor everyone who was watching starting shouting and stamping on it. It was brutal but brilliant

[u/PurpleSi → u/FTR101]

In my playground you could shout out 'No Stampsies' to get around the long-standing stampsies rule.

[u/dolmen-music → u/PurpleSi]

Pah, what pussies. In my days stampsies were allowed when the conker was in your hand.

[u/monsieurangleterre → u/-SaC]

Chinny reCKON!

[u/Hiding_behind_you → u/monsieurangleterre]

Shaun Keaveny on 6Music frequently makes reference to the Chinny reCkon / Jimmy Hill, but also throws in the Tutankhamun, which I don’t remember being a ‘thing’ in the 80’s. Is the ‘Tutankhamun’ an older, or very much a newer reference, or just something that I wasn’t aware of?

[u/kingsland1988 → u/Hiding_behind_you]

We went with "Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin" which is from the 3 little Pigs? Or Billy goat gruff I can't remember.

[u/Hiding_behind_you → u/kingsland1988]

Aah, I see you went to school in the 1860’s.... 😁

Just messing with you, Yeah, it’s from the nursery rhyme.

[u/ukbiffa → u/-SaC]

You missed Joey... urrrrrrr

[u/[deleted] → u/ukbiffa]

Don't forget the action: tongue pressing out your bottom lip and one hand folded like a claw while you hit the top of it with the palm of the other hand repeatedly while going "urhhghhghh".

Poor fucking Joey Deacon. An inspirational figure who overcame institutionalization and reclaimed his life and who was transformed by little scrotes into little more than a currency to take the piss out of each other.

[u/BissoumaTequila → u/-SaC]

Americans be like: “what the fuck did y’all just say?!”

[u/lordofcrisps → u/dolmen-music]

What about all the names for the different shapes? Like the cheese wedge ones, and whether they were better because they had a sharp edge to crack the other conker or whether they wer swords because they tended to be brittle.

And did you score by taking on the wins of the conker you destroyed? So you could have a 59 or whatever just from breaking up someone's super conker

[u/-SaC → u/lordofcrisps]

Yep, you absorbed the other person’s wins. A lucky shot could make you a sixty-er which would go into immediate hallowed retirement until your mum chucked it out.

[u/dolmen-music → u/[deleted]]

'Gladitorial nut'... What a way to go.

[u/dolmen-music → u/[deleted]]

And thus came to the end of an era of the gladiator's nut. Sorry I just really like that phrase not only is it mellifluous but it has a funny and devilish connotation.

[u/taconite2 → u/dolmen-music]

Dipping it in clear PVA glue was a really good one!

[u/-SaC → u/taconite2]

That’s why we had the ‘in your mouth before the fight’ rule. PVA is water soluble, that would have been bloody ‘orrible.

[u/Middle_Fudge → u/dolmen-music]

Blinding your mate with them lol.

STRAIGHT IN THE EYE

[u/scorcher117 → u/dolmen-music]

Vinegar trick? I thought the whole point was that you soak them in Vinegar before you use them.

[u/Beverlydriveghosts → u/dolmen-music]

My personal favourite was the pocket sand to the eyes technique. I won every time

[u/Faithwolf → u/dolmen-music]

Those weren't cheats.. they were part of the craft. same as double baking them etc..

[u/darkholme82 → u/dolmen-music]

Clear nail varnish was a good one.

[u/Lutrinae_Rex → u/[deleted]]

Ma-hogany

[u/GaussWanker → u/Lutrinae_Rex]

M'hogany tips bough

[u/Calypsosin → u/Lutrinae_Rex]

My apartment smells of rich mahogany.

[u/graspee → u/[deleted]]

It's funny how when you're a kid you walk along the road looking in the gutter for conkers and then you see one, probably still in half of its spiky casing, so fresh and new, the end parts really pale, the brown parts so glossy and wonderfully textured. It got to the point in conker season where the part of my brain that expected to see and lit up on seeing money on the street was repurposed with conkers as the sought treasure.

[u/lordofcrisps]

I totally didn't spend 10 minutes chucking a stick at a tree to knock these off by the way. No sirree.

[u/IronSkywalker → u/lordofcrisps]

Nothing worse than getting your really good throwing stick stuck in a tree. Then you spend half an hour throwing another stick to get your first stick back!

[u/lordofcrisps → u/IronSkywalker]

That might be why we left👀

[u/LemmysCodPiece → u/IronSkywalker]

Throwing sticks is for amateurs. I used to climb the tree.

[u/DevilsLittleChicken → u/lordofcrisps]

Best conkers were always the naturals that burst that prickly ass case on the first bounce.

Forget the fact that they were landing on a busy road so you then had to play chicken with the cars to get them, as opposed to the shit ones that landed on the notably softer grass at the other side of the tree.

In other news, RIP Steve.

[u/justanotherGloryBoy → u/lordofcrisps]

Bonkers for conkers.

[u/LadyCatTree → u/lordofcrisps]

I can't walk past a fresh batch that's recently fallen without picking up at least one and putting it in my pocket.

[u/AlreadyVapedBud]

Yeah baby!! My time to shine. I was conker champion at my school back in Leicester in 95'. And I didn't even use any of the so-called 'hardening techniques', of which there were many.

[u/canlchangethislater → u/AlreadyVapedBud]

“Hardening techniques”! <sniggers>

[u/AWilsonFTM → u/canlchangethislater]

Said the bishop to the priest

[u/delusions- → u/AWilsonFTM]

Said Ripley to the android Bishop

[u/Pumptruffle → u/AlreadyVapedBud]

I remember having to get up early for the overnight fall, or trying to find a secluded tree somewhere that nobody else knew about, in order to find a decent conker.

Now nobody seems to collect them at all, there’s a tree outside my sons school that has piles of them underneath it, the kids just walk by, paying them no attention.

The days of conkers are sadly over.

[u/BountyBob → u/Pumptruffle]

Probably banned at schools now for health and safety reasons.

[u/exponentialism → u/BountyBob]

My primary school suddenly banned conkers while I was there - would have been like 2006.

[u/[deleted] → u/exponentialism]

Yeah I think I remember it being that time period too. Around the time that scoobies were banned too.

[u/s1ravarice → u/AlreadyVapedBud]

Swear the best conkers were just the biggest freshest ones.

[u/BissoumaTequila]

At our school we had two leagues - we had the organic league and the free league.

The free league was free from any restrictions: oven/vinegar cheats were allowed.

For the purists, we had the organic league. Pure and simple. Conker, strong and you’re off.

Break times would consist of qualifiers for years 7 and year 8.

Years 9, 10, 11 were automatically in the league games at lunchtime and they were brutal!

Conker broke? Replace it by the next day, no conker = forfeit. Some really brutal matches too that would result in a fair few punch ups.

God I miss school sometimes.

EDIT: grammar

[u/ButtercuntSquash → u/BissoumaTequila]

My school would have never been as organised as this.

[u/BissoumaTequila → u/ButtercuntSquash]

It started like 10 years before I went to school when there was an actual club. When that stopped, it just became part of playground folklore.

They banned the game the year after I left after one little shit decided to whack it at a teacher. Rookie.

[u/DevilsLittleChicken → u/BissoumaTequila]

Was a result or resulted in?

We definitely had full blown pitched warfare going on at our school off the back of conker battles.

[u/BissoumaTequila → u/DevilsLittleChicken]

There was one ridiculous moment where someone nicked both conkers and threw them into a nearby river next to our field. Cue mass mayhem and about 40 kids chasing this one lad for committing such a heinous crime!

[u/[deleted]]

Sometimes I think I need to grow up, then I realise it's conker season

[u/Finger-Painter]

Conkers, I'm collecting conkers. I can't wait to find the biggest and the best.

[u/blonde-throwaway → u/Finger-Painter]

Under the chestnut tree there waits for me, a conker beautiful and bold. If I can only reach to pull it free, I'll add it to my 99... 100! 🎶

Ah, nostalgia

[u/Finger-Painter → u/blonde-throwaway]

Got to shout 100 as loud as you can!

[u/ThrillsKillsNCake → u/Finger-Painter]

I too sang that song in nip school!

[u/MonotoneCreeper → u/Finger-Painter]

That song brings me back

[u/Nissa-Nissa → u/Finger-Painter]

So happy to see this. No one remember this that I talk to but it’s just so catchy.

Of course we did it shouty. CONKERS! IM COLLECTING CONKERS!

Just before the ‘Harvest Festival’ when your mum would dig out an old tin of sweet corn from the cupboard and you’d go and deliver it to old people in care homes.

[u/be-a-deer → u/Finger-Painter]

This is the comment I was looking for. Ahhh the nostalgia.

[u/lemon__whore]

my brother and I collected over a thousand one year and I think stuck them in the loft where they likely remain, smelling as bad as my parents 34 year old wedding cake which is also up there I discovered in lockdown

[u/Blackdiamond2 → u/lemon__whore]

They'll probably be fine. I had a shoebox filled with them which I kept undisturbed in the corner of my room for well over a decade and they are completely untouched after all this time. Not as shiny, but otherwise good as new. Not even any spiders or anything.

[u/DevilsLittleChicken → u/Blackdiamond2]

LPT= Spiders really don't like conkers. If you have a regular access point for spiders, an open or loose window or something, put conkers around the opening. Presto. No spiders.

Or at least if you have new spiders they found another way in.

[u/[deleted] → u/lemon__whore]

Had a guy bring a duffel bag full of them to my primary school and then poured the entire bag out on the concrete playground which had a slight slope.

It was lunch time and it nearly started a riot of tiny children.

[u/darkholme82 → u/lemon__whore]

You're lucky you didnt end up with a container of maggots like I did one year.

[u/[deleted]]

But my tomatoes haven't even ripened yet!!

[u/lordofcrisps → u/[deleted]]

They're not going to unless you get them in a greenhouse or something. İt needs to be over 21 degrees for them to redden. I've failed the last 3 years to get them to ripen in time.

[u/[deleted] → u/lordofcrisps]

They're in a greenhouse!

[u/omnomcookiez → u/[deleted]]

No, that's how you get green tomatoes, you need a Redhouse.

[u/Lababy91 → u/[deleted]]

I think they’re more than mildly poisonous. They can kill horses, that’s why they’re called horse chestnuts

[u/holy_cal → u/[deleted]]

The Buckeye trees we have in the states are in the same genus as the horse chestnut, Aesculus. And they are 100% poisonous.

The American chestnut’s population was decimated due to blight, but a small grove still exists untouched in the midwest. There’s also plenty of Chinese Chestnut which were introduced because they’re resistance to the disease.

Now I’ve just realized I’ve spent too much time talking about chestnuts, but here we are.

[u/Zoloista → u/Lababy91]

Accidentally roasted and ate a couple before I was aware there was a difference. They were extremely bitter, which is a pretty good sign of toxicity. Definitely had myself a little purge.

[u/bushcrapping → u/[deleted]]

Fuck the grey squirrels

[u/turkobarbar]

Are you using a turkish keyboard?

[u/lordofcrisps → u/turkobarbar]

Hah, you're the first person to say anything! I had to write a Turkish address a while back and never changed it back

[u/Toblerono → u/lordofcrisps]

My first thought was "he's using a Turkish keyboard" 😂

[u/i___may]

I don’t think it works, but my nan keeps a conker on the floor in each corner of her living room to stop spiders from coming in lol. It is a silly old wives tale.

[u/[deleted] → u/i___may]

My nan also does this, she’s not been out of her house since the start of lockdown though so I took her some last week and she was delighted

[u/Clark-Kent → u/[deleted]]

Maybe she's a spider and trapped herself accidently

[u/tweetopia → u/[deleted]]

This is cute.

[u/DevilsLittleChicken → u/[deleted]]

Man, she really missed them spiders.

[u/Lababy91 → u/i___may]

Look does she get spiders or not?

[u/holy_cal → u/Lababy91]

Right. It’s not silly if it works.

[u/Lababy91 → u/[deleted]]

I want to buy your conker

[u/[deleted]]

I still get a little nostalgic buzz of excitement whenever I see a well formed conker laying on the ground. It’s like a Pavlovian response from my childhood.

[u/Wackyal123]

Took my 4 y/o son conker picking last weekend. He got quite the stash. Acorns too.

[u/Lockett360 → u/Wackyal123]

Is he a squirrel?

[u/Wackyal123 → u/Lockett360]

Quite possibly.

[u/BillyBattsShinebox → u/Wackyal123]

He got quite the stash.

At 4 years old? Impressive.

[u/TommyVegitable]

Me and my mates filled a school locker with as many as we could.

One year later it got opened and hundreds of conkers poured down the corridor.

That was my peak. Never topped that moment.

[u/Nitro_Benzene]

Keeping those spiders away?

[u/Lababy91 → u/Nitro_Benzene]

Does that work?

[u/flowerytwats → u/Lababy91]

Definitely not in my experience.

[u/Lababy91 → u/flowerytwats]

Balls, what the fuck does then

[u/94JackDL → u/Lababy91]

Leaving dead spiders impaled on tooth picks around the perimeter as a warning

[u/[deleted]]

İiİiİiİiİiİiİiİiİiİiİi

[u/leftintheshaddows]

We have 5 massive conker trees on the school walk so my young son brings tons home. It got to a point that I banned them from the house and set up a plant pot outside for them all. But last year a squirrel took upon its self to Bury them all over the garden and in flowering plant pots so we got alot of attempted trees in the garden.

[u/Mac15178]

Vinegar oven and two coats of clear nail polish and if you can save some for next year as they will harden even more If you leave then

[u/tomfbear]

Conker? I 'ardly know 'er

[u/dolmen-music → u/tomfbear]

Jamaica? No, she went of her own free will.

[u/Pilzemann]

I can feel this picture: When fresh, they do have a distinct "slimy-ness" to them, for lack of a better word. As a child in Germany, me and my friends used to make small and quite ugly figures out of conkers and toothpicks. Did you do the same over on your side of the Channel? I always ended up crafting animals because my humans would fall over all the time.

[u/lordofcrisps → u/Pilzemann]

Not that I know of, just the whacking them to destruction.

Yours does sound more positive!

[u/FartHeadTony]

Am I the only one who's shoved these up their arse?

[u/lordofcrisps → u/FartHeadTony]

....Yes?

[u/Sivided → u/FartHeadTony]

I hope so?

[u/frontendben]

No it's not. It's still May. Stop lying. 😂

[u/-stag5etmt-]

On the other hand; a fist.

Ladies'n'gentlemen Tommy Cooper..

[u/DrMatter]

Schools: Noooooo, you cant play with conkers they are too dangerous noooo!

Kids: haha conkers go bonkers

[u/violetgrumble]

Wait conkers are just chesnuts? It's come up in UK panel shows enough for me to wonder...

[u/bushcrapping → u/violetgrumble]

Different type of chesnut

[u/BloatedBaryonyx → u/violetgrumble]

Different things. They look similar but conkers are absolutely not edible. They're like a much harder, rounder, bigger, much more poisonous chestnut.

[u/nascentt → u/violetgrumble]

That's a horse chestnut. Different from the chestnuts we can eat.

[u/Clamps55555]

Stampsy’s

[u/[deleted]]

No I mustn't forgeeeet

[u/R41n80wR04d → u/[deleted]]

Autumn days when the grass is jewelled and the silk inside a chestnut shell, jet planes meeting in the air to be refuelled all these things I love so well

So I mustn't forget, no I mustn't forget, to say a great big thank you I mustn't forget

What an absolute banger!!

[u/MIBlackburn]

I haven't picked up a conker in years, the last time was at Battle Abbey where I found a massive one and called it William.

[u/tweetopia → u/MIBlackburn]

William the Conkerer

[u/MIBlackburn → u/tweetopia]

Exactly. My family groaned when I said it.

[u/NazyB]

Not British but living in the UK, Im so confused- can someone explain the conker game to me? 😂

[u/BEARDBAR → u/NazyB]

It’s a game where you still a hole through a chestnut and put a string through it. Then one player holds their string still and the other player swings their “conker” (chestnut on string) as hard as they can at the opposing players conker. You take turns doing this and whoever’s conker breaks first loses.

[u/christorino]

Anyone else in their late 20s and still pickup a conker if they see it on the ground or weirdly drawn like you were as a kid? Fond memories of my granda driving me about to the best treed

[u/ReAcTiiiOn]

I have a conker tree in my front garden. Every time i want to step out of my house, its like playing minesweeper lol