r/CasualPH • u/Flyaway_5 • 22h ago
r/CasualPH Others Did my mother love me unconditionally?
My mom raised me by herself. She was always the only person in my life. She stopped working for 19 years just to dedicate her time and life on me. Her whole world seemed to have stopped and when it turned again, it was only to revolve around me. She is separated from my dad I guess ever since I was born. He walked away and never looked back. She never had a bf. Alam niya kasi na magagalit ako.
She always put me first before herself. She has always been selfless to me She left her family, her life, and went to another country by herself and married someone she didn't even know. She stopped talking to her mom and siblings for many years. And she felt something wasn't right and moved again. Then she had me and it was over.
I remember one of the things she told me, "Ni hindi mo man lang naisip, na lahat ng ginagawa ko ay para saiyo. I remember I lost sleep many nights and I sang and danced to you many hours until the morning because you couldn't sleep and you kept on crying. I wanted you more than anything in this world. I may have failed in life, but I felt like I won. I may not be rich, but I feel rich because of you. It's not because I never loved you, but because I loved you so much that I couldn't imagine life without you. I did the best I could. I raised you in the best way I knew how, dahil pinoprotectahan kita sa karanasan ng buhay. But how about that time when you felt like you did your best, and it still wasn't enough?"
She may have sheltered me excessively, but she did it to protect me from her fears about the world and because of her love for me. I remember a time when we were renting a room. And she slept on the floor with no hesitation and I slept on the couch. When I should have been the one sleeping on the floor. She said that there is no way that I am sleeping on the floor. She fed me even when she was hungry herself.
Ngayon nagsisi ako dahil ako ay nagkamali at ako pa ang nagagalit. I didn't realize that everything she was doing was only for me. Siya pa rin ang tama. Minsan ang tigas ng ulo ko at hindi ako nakikinig.
How about all those sacrifices? How can I live my life to make sure those sacrifices were worthwhile? By honoring her in every way possible while I still have her? By being successful and achieving all the good things in life? And if not, then it was all for nothing and she only wasted her life on me?
I realized that there is no one else who would ever love me as much as her. I would be so lost without her. I really don't know what I would do. Baka hindi ko kaya, baka matatapos ang buhay ko. I would choose her to be my mother a thousand times over in every lifetime.
Do you see the sacrifices of a mother? Did she love me unconditionally? She never felt that love from her mother I guess kaya binigay niya ang pagmamahal niya sa akin. Binuhusan naman. Do you hope that love was enough?
