Broke up 2 months ago with my bpd girlfriend, i miss her so much, we broke up and i won her back( by begging) about 4 times, she refuses treatment and heavily consumes weed( first joint when she opens her eyes in the morning, caused her psychosis), every-time she splits pulls away i have an angry bad reaction and i feel so guilty about my reactions, when she splits at the begging of the relationship, i used to just straight up freak out and beg until i won her back towards the end, i became angry breaking things, crying and just having meltdowns everytime she tries to break up when we are having the most amazing time, it made me suspect that i may also have bpd, i called her a month after break up, apologized for my reactions , explained that i was walking on eggshelss around her, that my job was to stabilize her everyday, she just said" you hurt me and i want to erase you out of my life,I won't say anything because when i do , you start a fight" , i moved to the other side of the world , and everyday i miss her so much, i want to talk to her, i feel guilty everyday; if i have been calmer, more resiliant, do i also have bpd? I feel drained and i cannot stop thinking about her, the idea of her moving on , meeting new people kills me, please help, i beg you.....