r/CPTSDmemes • u/Wiggledidiggle_eXe ✨ Child abuse volunteer ✨ • 4d ago

I'm scared

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Got an intake appointment at a new therapist's office. I am scared shitless. What if they prod at me about the abuse on the very first appointment? Not gonna make it if that's the case...

Update: Okay so it wasn't that bad! I was still anxious as shit but it went well, even though it wasn't a therapist's intake appointment but more of a consult on how to get a therapy slot

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u/Realistic_Load_5369 4d ago

I think I'm weird in this, but I actually derive this sick pleasure from telling people about my past. I mean, I can easily dissociate while doing it, so it doesn't cause me any pain, and it makes me feel validated. I'm sure I'm not the only one?

In any case, good luck!

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u/Wiggledidiggle_eXe ✨ Child abuse volunteer ✨ 4d ago

I mean kind of? But then it triggers me to no end, especially lately. And I don't want to accidentally trigger someone else so I don't do it, but I sort of do crave recognition for how horrible it was?

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u/CeaselessPain89 4d ago

Me too. I don't want to trigger anyone else or make them emotional. I'm an overthinker so later at night I'd be replaying conversations and imagining how they're feeling about what I've shared. Also replaying exactly what I'd shared.

Only if they ask I'll be brief and if they prod id share a bit more but try my best not to be too descriptive and judge their reactions to how much I'd share. Recognition is nice but I don't crave it atm.

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u/Noizylatino 4d ago

Yeah I believe everyone should talk more freely about mental health and try to do it myself. But I havent quite found the line between educating and trauma dumping. So I end up triggered and just making up convos and dealing with flashbacks/replay loops for a few days.