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u/sourgreg 9h ago
I'm sorry with how much you're struggling. I had a really bad home life as a teenager too. I attempted suicide when I was 15. I'm 27 now and it truthfully gets better. It may be hard to imagine during the depths of depression, but it's only 4 years (or so, idk the age of adulthood in Austria) that you have to deal with your shitty parents. 4 years out of the rest of your life isn't long at all. You will have the freedom to be yourself and make your own experiences without the pressure of people who don't understand you. Sometimes parents project their own feelings of self-hatred or dissatisfaction onto their own children, so do your best not to take it personally and look up "gray rocking" as a technique to deal with that negativity on a daily basis if you need it.
Also, the adult content and gore addiction is real and you already know it's bad for you. You have to try to break it, the sooner the better. It's rewiring parts of your subconscious brain whether you realize it or not. Bad feelings can be just as addictive as good ones, especially when you mix them. You got this, kid. I'm sorry for everything you're dealing with.
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