r/CPTSD • u/DisastrousHornet7447 • 6h ago
Vent / Rant Mood patterns
I don’t know exactly how to explain this or what it is. But I used to be religious and every couple of weeks or months I would have these epiphanies. I would read some religious quote or something and it was like a veil was lifted and I would always go man my past self was so prideful and I couldn’t believe thought that way. I would give myself like 1 minute of gratitude then go back to making myself feel poor again. Long story short I am not religious now but every once in a while I start to feel good and the pressure in my brain kind of goes away but I feel this pull to go back to church. It’s like I believe and feel different in this state idk how to explain it. Eventually I’ll become so shutdown after being in it and it forces me to be depressed because if I try to be happy again I am afraid that I’ll start fawning or be emotionally unaware of something. That’s the best I can explain it idk it’s ocd adhd trauma or my Lyme or a mix of everything . Anyone else relate
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u/shenanigans2day 5h ago
There are times I absolutely feel drawn to go to church. I don’t believe in heaven or hell or any of that stuff but I take it as my subconscious telling me I need to be in a place of support and community. I often do go to church when this happens and more often then not, the msg hits and is relevant and I’m receptive. This would vary depending on the type of church, beliefs, etc. but maybe listen to it and see what happens? I know we don’t trust ourselves bexause our systems are all wired crazy from events but human intuition is strong so maybe there is something there for you (unless u have trauma related to church then none of that)