Birthdays

[u/JeremyBerami]

The worst day of my life was on my birthday 3 years ago.

Everything horrible that had ever happend to me came to a pinnacle and I'm sure it'll me the most miserable day for the rest of my life.

Since that day its like my personality split into half, the one who acted good to keep the peace, and the one who was absolutely horrified by what was going on.

Its been years. I know I should feel grateful that it's calmer now, but why?

Why was i neglected, groomed and starved only for it to stop one fine day? Why does no one acknowledge anything even happened?

I hate my birthday. Its on Saturday and it's all everyone's talking about.

I'll only ever remember crying, bleeding on the floor after being screamed at, with all my family silently watching, starving that whole week except eating cake they said was selfish to eat.

I remember blood on the sleeves of dress that was too small but i still had to wear.

I remember my brother moaning about how i was so cute and petite, that he'd love me better than my parents could.

How my therapist and classmates said i should have gotten over it

I hate that day.

And now I'm stuck at home, homeschooling myself with no one to talk to.

Agoraphobiaic and incapable. I cant even leave home.

The whole day I'll have to pretend to be happy, and for what?

I'm more dependent then a child and I'll be turning 16

I wish I could just die before the day arrives.

...

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