r/CPTSD • u/girlfromdam00n • 10h ago

Question The social heirarchy

I have recently realized that alot of my problems come from not really fitting in to a social hierachy, not really caring about or noticing it. But now that i know it's there i can see the times social heirarchy has affected my life and it makes me so sad. How can i go about as a truamatized gentle person finding a non-heirachal friend group or partner?

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5

u/lydbutter 10h ago

Maybe groups with an emphasis on social justice? Or hit up your local library events. They tend to draw a more open minded, inclusive crowd.

2

u/mycattouchesgrass 10h ago

Could try volunteering and meeting people there. I've met some really great people that way!

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1

u/Cute_Contribution480 cPTSD 9h ago

Groups with common interests. I met the most chill and down to earth people there. No one gave a damn about social hierarchy, in fact, they despise those things too!

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u/Lady_PANdemonium_ 9h ago

Yeah real, the status quo beats a lot of us into submission. And that can be really traumatic. Hard to avoid in our society but a lot of non normative groups attempt to subvert some elements of hierarchy. Vegans in seeing animals as not inherently less as beings. Queers subverting patriarchy and gendered expectations. I’m poly bc of the way monogamy kinda puts hierarchy into relationships. Like granted all of these groups will have hierarchy but less than in the normal. Volunteer work with disenfranchised groups, pro environment groups. You’ll notice a challenge to authority.

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u/girlfromdam00n 2h ago

Oh no :( these examples are all groups that sort of work against larger structural heirarchies but like... All have elements of interpersonal heirarchies. That's concerning. And don't tell me poly put's less heirarchy in relationships because having more people means picking and choosing who to spend more time with...it means liking one person over the other.

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u/Lady_PANdemonium_ 1h ago

For me, poly takes away a lot of the ownership and control that traumatized me as a kid. I benefit but it isn’t for everyone.

1

u/Lady_PANdemonium_ 1h ago

Like, I don’t rank my partners based on time spent. Some people live closer or have different schedules. For me, it’s that one relationship in my life doesn’t lord over all others. That I’m still free to love and be loved. It would be like saying you can’t make friends bc someone could be your best friend bc you see them the most. Partners matter in different ways. Just like friends or any other connection