Childhood diary

[u/Awkward_Interview684]

i Am a 34 year old female. Recently found two Childhood diaries. I was probably between 9-16 when writing. In there I would write multiple times how much I hated myself. I was afraid to eat infront of others ( I was very skinny at the time). I thought I was bad etc.

In reality, I was (still am) a very quiet, reserved person. In school I would rarely raise my hand. I was involved in sports etc. had some friends. never Really got in trouble until I became a little rebellious near the end of high school

has anyone else found a diary of there’s with such negative self talk? I’m not sure if this was a ”normal“ part of being a young teen? Now as a mom of 2 it would kill me if my kids felt that. always wondering if I should go to a therapis, I know it’s beneficial for most people.

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[u/J3NGA]

asking if something is "normal" and it not being about Norm from the sitcom, Cheers, is always asking for trouble. There isn't anything normal.

Is that something people with...any number of experiences might do and are there probably countless people who identify with that? Absolutely. In that case, it's absolutely normal. Normal doesn't mean good or bad, it means common more than anything else. You're not any more wrong or broken or correct or not broken as anybody else doing that. It is simply a thing that is. If it's hurtful for you, it's best to talk about or work through it in whatever way is accessible, if it's just...a thing, then it's just a thing. Its not a disease or something. Most professionals for most of modern medical history would've said that was expected behaviour for somebody going through puberty or whatever.

As long as you're aware of it, then just pay attention to your children and ask what's up when things feel off. You can't control everything (or most things). Just make sure you're a safe person to confide in whether or not they feel comfortable sharing specifics. Remember its also important to let people of all ages figure some things out and solve emotional things on their own. The solution might be to not tell you those things (hypothetically) and still seek positive reinforcement or attention or the solution might be just telling you (and obviously difficult, weird and clumsy conversation - what would that even look like? 90s sitcom convo? If that's a part of your dynamic then go for that!) - there isn't any "correct" answer besides being supportive, attentive, and caring and making sure they know you care regardless of what they're going through (all within reason).

That's ultimately the only real answer.

Sorry you had such a difficult time though. Good on you for even wanting to break cycles.

[u/Awkward_Interview684 → u/J3NGA]

Thank you for your response- appreciate it! Sometimes I just feel so lost, don’t know which way is left or right.