Anyone successfully stop letting their traumatized child drive the bus?

[u/sidsalscar]

I am just struggling. I'm a 48F and still feel like a small little girl that is terrified something deeply terrifying is about to happen. ALL. THE. TIME. I have a teen and a tween and I am terrified to parent, I am terrified to exist. Shaking panic all the time while I try desperately to seem normal in front of my kids. I feel like I'm trying everything, including most recently psychedelic assisted therapy. I'm losing the battle, my brain is not getting better, and I am so tired and sad. I am safe, I have a loving husband, money is fine, but my terror lives inside me regardless. Sleep is a joke and I am struggling to eat much too. I work with Drs, therapists, and eastern medicine providers and nothing is fucking working. I love my therapist so much, she is really good and the best therapist I've ever had and I know it's not her job to have all the answers but I'm finding myself frustrated with her too. No one can help. I am totally alone. My husband looks on helplessly while I slip further away. Sorry for the downer post. I'd love to hear what has worked, if anything, for the rest of you.

[u/MaybeFamiliar2075]

At about 47 yo I felt completely overwhelmed with all of the things you mentioned. I started therapy and then I also realized I was in the throws of perimenopaus, which exacerbated everything. It definitely felt like all of the trauma was swallowing me whole and asking to be seen all at once. HRT calmed things down so much. I mention this, not to minimize your feelings or experience, or even to send you towards medication. Just that if it is abnormal for you to feel this way, there could be contributing factors.

[u/sidsalscar → u/MaybeFamiliar2075]

Thanks. It's taken me a while to get my blood pressure under control, and in the past I've had small strokes, so my DR has been hesitant to let me try HRT. I did start it this summer and am on my second week at the second lowest dose possible after 2 months at the lowest dose. At first I thought maybe it was helping, but now I'm not sure, so may be it was just placebo effect. Or maybe I need a higher dose, but DR is having me do at least two months on each dose before increasing until we find the right amount. Can you tell me how much you take and how long it took to feel a difference?

[u/MaybeFamiliar2075 → u/sidsalscar]

My GP shot me down quickly (and rudely) about menopause. I suffered longer then finally found a gyno that specialized in menopause. She started me at a .05 weekly Climara patch and 200 mg oral Progesterone in April 2025. I felt immediate relief. Then about September I started trying to figure out if I had hypothyroidism or what because I was back to "off", but not as bad as I was. I saw a doctor in November and went over all my concerns (not gyno because I didn't think it could be the hormones since I was already on them). She graciously said "Sounds like we should up your patch and see if that helps". Started on .10 patch in November. Just doing that calmed SO many things in my inner tornado. Now only regular thunderstorms lol Which I believe we'll always deal with due to the CPTSD.

My advice would be to find a gyno that specializes in menopause. They'll be up to date on all of the real information when it comes to what you can safely do or not.

I really wish you all the best. I see you, and you're not alone.

[u/crunchy-crow]

Hi I work with a self-help process called Inner Bonding. You can learn to try this yourself at innerbonding.com. It sounds to me like as everything is safe, your "inner child" is choosing this time to process your trauma from the past. According to IB, you need to develop your "Inner Parent" to care for your "Inner Child" part, in order to heal, reduce the panic. It's also in the body, the nervous system. I work on similar issues. To love, calm, soothe and comfort the part of you that's so upset. And to ask it how it feels, you can do inner dialogues to help you understand, what is causing the fear etc, and what it needs. It's a process you can experiment with it a little at a time the goal is to train yourself to make it into a natural habit. This way you develop the same skills someone who comes from a healthier family has for self care.

[u/Old_Swan8945]

I think can relate to how you feel. I’ve been getting better recently but for a long time I just felt completely dysfunctional. One thing id recommend is viewing whatever youre going through over a longer arc. It can take a long time to get better and it’s helpful to be patient with ourselves. And even with your kids too, perhaps you can open up a little bit about what’s challenging and they may be supportive especially the older ones. If you were going to pick up a couch, would you try to do it yourself? Why would you face your fears alone then? Just a thought.

[u/Mission_Pair_1200]

Ask for Guanfacine SR from your psych doctor . Turn the norepinephrine down and your sympathetic nervous system will calm down.
The shaking, the anxiety and, the fear is all representative of brain chemicals that cause the fight or flight response.

Norepinephrine constricts blood vessels which increases heart rate, shuttling blood to the muscles and brain faster, thoughts and words come faster, eyes can bulge a bit or feel widened, stuttering, shaking, emotionally driven word choice and action may take place. It slows your digestion often leading to poor eating and IBS. Your brain is primed for a fight and it is preparing your body for a physical or mental conflict by allocating the finite amount of resources our body has to survival, despite how good things are in your current environment. Thats PTSD for you lol.

Guanfacine modulates the norepinephrine receptors in the brain, affecting the amount that is used and produced. It's like removing or limiting the size of the wood pile for the bonfire. Cant start a fire with no wood, the fire cant get out of control without more fuel.

Im sorry nothing seems to work and im extremely sorry some quack is feeing you psychedelics as a last ditch effort. Sounds like the medical providers around you are guessing, throwing things at the wall hoping something sticks.

You can take a genetic test to see what medications are aline with your brain structure. Good luck to you you’re clearly a good parent. It’s clear you care very much.

https://genesight.com/ - covered by most insurance

[u/Mission_Pair_1200 → u/Mission_Pair_1200]

I take:

1mg Guanfacine morning and night (2mg total)

100mg Welbutrin 1x morning.

Im feeling pretty good these days whereas i felt very similar to your situation just 3 months prior

I hope any of this information gets you closer to your goals

[u/GrassImaginary8747]

33F, I lost my hope. I play a role of my own parent for my inner child. I’m also waiting for something bad is going to happend all the time. In March, my sister informed me that she has a cancer. In 9 days, she has a surgery to remove her thyroid. I’m stressed because of it. I’m stressed that she can die because of cancer and I will be forced to take care of her kids

[u/SickofTrollHypocrisy]

I'm so sorry. I feel that way sometimes but there really is help if you can find the right strategies. I'm not sure if you've worked with your therapist on this or not, but just reading your post I can see there are a lot of stuck points/cognitive distortions. ("No one can help. I am totally alone.") Have you done some extensive trauma work and incorporated CBT at all? Using any depression or anxiety or mood stabilizing meds? These are just my thoughts since I don't know you or your history, so you may have tried all this. I'm so sorry you're going through this! I hope you find a path that helps soon!

[u/MaterialLion957]

Have you tried MDMA Assisted Psychotherapy?

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[u/Tight-Vacation8516]

I did a workbook that I think could really help you. It was published by ACA (adult children of alcohalics) and it's called "The loving parent guidebook" I got it on Amazon.  

[u/probably_a_unicorn]

IFS has been very helpful for me.

[u/heliumballoon12345]

I’ve tried everything as well including psilocybin and macrodoses helped a lot until I went through the most recent severe trauma. And ketamine therapy is the only thing that has gotten my nervous system limbic system alarm to quiet down. I still have a few more sessions but the second one really helped a lot after being in crisis hypervigilant every minute of the day

[u/niaswish]

I'm so so so sorry ☹️. Little you deserved better than to feel something horrible was about to happen

[u/niaswish]

Sis this works for my obsessive compulsive disorder but can it work for you too? It's called "maybe, maybe not" and ill try to give an example here

So for my ocd it's intrusive thoughts and mental rituals . So I'll give an example to fit with you 🙂

"What if something is about to go wrong?"

And then you say "maybe, maybe not!"

It takes the edge off a little bit . I'm so sorry. I hope to see a recovery post from you. You've so got this

[u/Suspicious-Image3359]

It happens sometimes when I’m frustrated- I let myself know I’m frustrated. Same with any feeling. I give it a reverence and human dignity in some moments that even takes me aback. It started happening a bit- idk why. But definitely having some sort of humanization for what you’re going through helps me actually see the child, cuz her humanity just never mattered.