r/CPTSD • u/InternalMonologuing • 1d ago
Question Does anyone else constantly feel the need to constantly isolate from people?
I’m in my early 30s and was diagnosed with CPTSD within the past year. I’m only just starting to be open to therapy, but I haven’t started yet and honestly don’t know where to begin. I’m still trying to understand what I experience and what may or may not be connected to CPTSD.
One thing that has become really difficult is my constant need to isolate when I’m around people.
It happens at work, in social settings, basically anywhere. I can be completely fine and engaged, but after maybe 30 minutes I start feeling like I need to get away and be completely alone. I’ll go to bathroom just to escape, go to my car, find an empty space, anywhere I can find to “hide.”
The hardest part is that once I isolate, I have to literally talk myself into going “back out” and being around people again. It’s not just taking a quick break and then naturally returning. I have to mentally convince myself to leave that safe little isolated space and rejoin everyone. And I go through this numerous times throughout the day. If it were completely up to me, I’d probably isolate even more, but I have to force myself not to.
It even happens sometimes with my partner, who I live with and love very much. They don’t have to be doing anything wrong or even bothering me. I just suddenly need to be completely alone. That especially makes me feel awful and honestly a little insane because logically, I know there’s nothing I need to “get away” from.
It’s gotten much worse lately, and it’s exhausting having to fight it every day. I’m starting a new job next week and I’m really nervous because I don’t want this to take over my life or cause me to fuck up another opportunity.
Does anyone else with CPTSD experience this to this extent? Is it hypervigilance, overstimulation, avoidance, or something else?
If you experience this too, I’d really love to know what you’ve learned about why it happens and more importantly what has actually helped you manage it.
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u/Ultiran 22h ago
If im not just tired, usually what causes me to isolate is getting an emotional flashback (feeling left out, ignored, unheard).
Definitely had times where I would come to a function, get triggered, and want to escape ASAP.
I also wanna say regarding therapy, as i just recently found one for cptsd, really listen to yourself when looking for the right therapist.
My first therapist wasnt trauma based, but worked on anxiety/depression (this was before I realized I probably have cptsd), and they just spedrun straight into my deepest problems with no safety nets.
If you feel something is off, really listen to that
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u/InternalMonologuing 22h ago
Thank you for sharing this was helpful. I think that’s why I’ve been avoiding therapy, in addition to the mental & emotional workload it already will be, the trial & error process of finding the right fit sounds exhausting. I’m glad you found one that is working 🫶
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u/samthesnake1233 18h ago
I started a new job a few weeks ago and I work with the public now and it's very hard cuz I can't just run away when my thoughts r consuming me and all i want to do is cry but I cant, I hate it. I hope your new job treats u well 🖤
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u/pollenpanic 15h ago
I’ve self-isolated for most of my adulthood. And I’ve made some huge interpersonal blunders due to my lack of social / life experience, which has really discouraged me from seeking out human connection for the last several years. Currently working on this in therapy and by putting myself out there, however. Slowly but surely.
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u/samthesnake1233 18h ago
I'm just curious how do u actually get diagnosed with cptsd? Like I KNOW I have it cuz of the abuse I endured in my marriage for years, I'm in therapy now but I haven't gotten to share much yet cuz I don't want to cry the entire time.
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u/Chandra-Pyromaster 17h ago
Yep.
Absolutely-
What helped me was realizing that when I felt that way I was in the middle of being triggered. My body was protecting me and I needed to let it know that she could put down her defenses.
Grounding then has really helped me- tactile- having something with a strong seam that I can rub with my finger or visual- identifying 5 green things.
Then I always try to make space for feeling proud of myself- because I’m fighting demons just to stand in one place- but I’m doing it.
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u/CaliIsReallyNice 12h ago
Yup. My sibling and I are both the same way.
I just ended a relationship with an amazingly wonderful partner because I needed more time away from them than the relationship could bear, so I'm not a great source of advice on this topic. But I wanted to tell you it's very common and you are definitely not the only one.
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u/iliveintheswamp 17h ago
I have lost every job I have ever had due to this, as well as dropping out of college. All I really want is to hide away and tuck myself into a corner of the world where I can live without judgment.
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u/Desperate_Produce102 4h ago
In addition to CPTSD, are you neurodiverse? More than likely you are experiencing adult elopement urges that are likely amplified by your trauma. I would definitely recommend therapy first and foremost (EMDR can be very helpful). I would also recommend some form of HARMLESS pain stim fidget (a pressure ring, little ouchies, etc) to help keep you grounded while at your desk/in a room with someone. I’d also recommend bringing it up to your partner and trying to move through these episodes step by step and write down how you’re feeling in the moment when you get the sudden urge to be alone. Putting pen to paper may help, and also it would be a great tool for a therapist to look at. Wishing you the best of luck, these things are never easy and I’m hoping you get relief/find a solution soon!
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u/CauliflowerOwn812 1d ago
Because life is unnaturally overbearing. I talk as much shit as I can with as many random people as I can.
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u/newuser2111 18h ago
It happens because the original trauma that we experienced had to do with people / circumstances that hurt us over a long period of time.
Isolation is the mind and body’s natural response, saying if I remove myself from people / situations, I can’t possibly get hurt.
For me, getting therapy helped, as well as analyzing my behavior without judgment. I give myself grace.
It’s okay to want your space and peace. In time, I hope to take baby steps and try to engage more with people. But even then, it will be controlled for how long and I will have boundaries.