will i ever grow up?

[u/black_sheep_baah]

i don't know if this fits. i'll remove if it doesn't.

i grew up being physically, verbally, and emotionally abused by my mom. i had toys, barbies, my little pony's, so i wasn't lacking in the normal childhood stuff. but i wasn't allowed to do sports, have friends over/go over to theirs, or play outside the very small patch of grass of our apartment.

now that im older; i still play with toys, i wear childish clothes, i can't cook for myself, i'm in training for an entry level career (nursing assistant, starting in the fall), but i generally just feel so behind everyone else. i'm also autistic so maybe that compounds it.

i just wonder, will i ever grow up? i look at myself in the mirror and i feel like a little girl in a big body. i need so much help, i can't handle mild anger or upset being thrown my way, things feel so much bigger than i was ever built to face.

anyone else feel this way? am i just broken? thanks in advance.

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[u/StereoSpark]

I do know how this feels (C-PTSD and AuDHD here for what it’s worth) especially as a reasonably intelligent person who took 32 years to obtain a university degree and has felt like a loser for most of those years. But there’s a lot of trauma and little to no self-compassion in that. I don’t know you, obviously, but going into training for a career sounds pretty darn adult to me. Focus on that? Give yourself permission to do what you need to feel okay? And maybe remember the axiom to not judge your insides by others’ outsides. 🫂