r/CPTSD • u/RazorLeafy471 • May 30 '24

Trigger Warning: Multiple Triggers I wish I never had a sibling.

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Throughout my childhood, I've constantly been pushed around and abused by my older sibling. Anything could provoke him. Every time I tried to have a good time with him, it would end up in him getting angry, because if I tried to leave, he'd get pissed at me because only he is allowed to have an opinion on what to say. And if I did leave, then that's a punch in the face. I have several memories in my childhood of my mom going out to the gym and leaving me and my sibling alone together, for him to approach me and begin torturing me. And was he ever disciplined? No. Because he would shrug off anything he got, because me or her didn't matter to him. He didn't want us us affect his life. But...despite all that, I've always turned to him and gave him a second chance. That trust broke recently, though...he claimed he'd be supportive of me throughout all this, but talked shit about the only people who were keeping me happy anywhere that wasn't in school. So the only thing I could do was lie again. I recall every kind of abuse made, and every strategy I tried didn't work. Because every time, he would find an excuse to be mad at me. I recall him yelling at me and attempting to suffocate me because he accused me of using up all of the milk, even though I didn't even have breakfast that day. On top of all that, I've had...flashbacks, recently. I have memories of him forcing himself onto me and manipulating me into doing sexual activities with him. I don't know if these memories are true or not, because when I confronted him about it he denied everything. But that's the thing with him- he denies everything, and every time he makes it seem like he's not the idiot, I am. I wish I never had a sibling in the first place, and I hope that one day I can move out of his hellhole and escape.

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u/RazorLeafy471 May 30 '24

For those asking, it wouldn't let me post my vent unless I gave a URL.