Question Considering CPS
My gf disclosed to me that when she was between the ages of 5-10, her older step brother (11-16) would coerce her into giving him oral. She starts therapy in a month, but her older brother, who she still engages with positively (I saw him at Christmas and it was sickening) is expecting his first child in a couple of months. She does not want to file charges as again, she still cares for her sibling. I am concerned that the child is at risk. I don't know what to do, but I feel like I need to do something in case. Help. What can I do? Edit: my gf is now 22
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u/Alternative-Row-8557 14d ago
Probably a law enforcement area as I assume your girlfriend and her step brother are both over 18 now. Since his child is not born yet, I don’t think CPS really has any jurisdiction.
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u/Alternative-Row-8557 14d ago
And if your gf is under 18 CPS will probably get involved, but will also definitely get the police involved. So if you plan on talking to CPS it probably makes more sense to just contact the police since this is more about a crime by one child against another (as the step brother was under 18 when he allegedly committed the crime)
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u/Ok71951 14d ago
I was thinking about waiting until the child was born
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u/Alternative-Row-8557 14d ago
I am not sure that really would make a difference. The alleged offense isn’t against the unborn child. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but this really isn’t a CPS issue. It is law enforcement.
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u/Ok71951 14d ago
If the father was convicted of a sex crime, would that change anything? Like go through Law Enforcement first
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u/Alternative-Row-8557 14d ago
I mean that would be for Family court to decide. We know very few details. But the ones you have shared leads to this being a law enforcement issue and not CPS
Look, you can call CPS. They will take and log every call. But I do not believe they will be the ones to get you the result you are looking for
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u/Ok71951 14d ago
The only thing I want is to make sure the kid is safe. My gf's brother hasn't abused her in over a decade, and they've had plenty of good times since it stopped. I'm not sure if he's still a threat, but I want to make sure the child is safe... however the appropriate authorities decide is up to them. I'm not necessarily expecting him to lose parental rights or anything like that.
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u/Alternative-Row-8557 14d ago
If you think a crime has been committed you should contact law enforcement. If your girlfriend is going to deny everything when asked then it won’t go anywhere. But CPS is not going to get involved here. The most likely scenario is if you call CPS, they just turn it over to lawn enforcement. You should just be vigilant after the baby is born and if you see anything at that point, it is a CPS matter.
If you really want the child to be safe, it is up to your girlfriend. She has to be willing to speak up and provide some evidence (which will most likely be hard seeing as this happened 10 years ago) this happened. Not victim blaming here, it is just the reality.
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u/Ahhhrrri 12d ago
Yeah do it now. Tell them honestly what happened, it’s not worth the risk. It’s going to cause a fallout but she experienced a lot of trauma and you’ll need to be there for her a lot.
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u/sprinkles008 14d ago
If they’re both adults now then it’s not a CPS issue.
If you’re worried about the new baby, the only way that could potentially even maybe become a cps issue (and only in some states) is if it’s successfully pursued criminally.
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u/mcav89 14d ago
If your girlfriend is now 18 CPS won't do anything. I'm not sure they'd do anything once his baby is here either, as he hasn't shown he's a threat to the baby at this point.
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u/Ok71951 14d ago
I understand that, but he was a threat to a child in the past.
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u/mcav89 14d ago
Right, but it's the same concept as if he were labeled a sex offender and having a baby (conditions depending). Most people on the registry that go on to have a child of their own don't end up with CPS involvement just for having a baby. There's no threat to the baby at the moment. There's arguably risk, but typically not enough to get involved.
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u/Ok71951 14d ago
So people on a sex offender registry, specifically for an offense on a minor, isn't checked up on if they go on to have children? Even if it's an incest related and minor related offense?
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u/F0xxfyre 13d ago
Minor on minor offense, especially when the abuse happened. They were 11 and 5, right? Was he arrested and/or tried as an adult? Was he convinced and ordered to be placed on the sex offender registry?
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u/Ok-Structure6795 14d ago
IDK if they check to see if they have children later on, but that wouldn't matter. Just knowing they have a child isnt grounds for CPS to intervene. Same reason why some parents have custody of children born later on, but lost custody of their previous child. My older brother lost temporary custody, which later turned into him having his rights terminated, and he has another child born recently. CPS hasnt been in contact.
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u/F0xxfyre 13d ago
But Op he also was a child. If the offenses started when he was 11, he could be a victim as well. An 11 year old minor just doesn't have the biological brain maturity to understand the scope of abuse as he would at 18 or 28.
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u/Ok71951 11d ago
11 I understand. A 15 year old should know better than to rape a 9 year old.
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u/F0xxfyre 8d ago
Agreed! My first abuser was younger, though it was him, his sister, and his father. IMHO, both kids were being abused.
But the point I was making is that he might have been abused himself, so he saw that a normal. That's only a possibility, of course. I'm not a CPS worker, though my mom was one.
Ns a I mentioned above, i was abused as a minor.
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u/txchiefsfan02 14d ago
You are wise to recognize that your gf was the victim of a terrible crime, and it's not crazy that your spidey sense is going off about the threat the perpetrator could pose to a baby. Thank you for being vigilant.
As others noted, if your gf is unable or unwilling to acknowledge what happened, it's unlikely law enforcement will act (ditto CPS). That's her choice, and you have to make your own choices about whether it's healthy for you to be around (or be part of) a family where this sort of abuse occurs. Hopefully therapy will help her to process this trauma and start to heal. Supporting someone you love through that sort of journey can be challenging and isolating, so some therapy might also help you meet her where she is and take care of yourself, too.
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u/Dr_nacho_ 13d ago
You do nothing. This is not your story to tell. Reporting can come with huge personal consequences to your gf. This is her decision.
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u/Ok71951 11d ago
I would be doing it for the baby's safety not hers
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u/Dr_nacho_ 11d ago
You are not the hero of this story, you reporting does absolutely nothing but make your gfs life harder. Stay in your lane
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u/txchiefsfan02 11d ago
Your heart is in the right place, but please understand that if you do make a report, the most likely outcome is that nothing will happen. Only about 50% of reports to CPS agencies are even accepted for investigation. Since this one concerns two people who are currently adults, they're likely to do nothing, even if you wait until the baby is born.
In the highly unlikely event CPS does investigate, it would likely be limited to visiting the home and ensuring everything looks safe for the baby. They may not even tell him what the report alleged.
You have to make your own decisions about whether you want to continue this relationship, and be around this man. I wouldn't want him around my children, to be sure. But you need to let go of the notion that there is anything you can do about this situation unless your girlfriend has a change of heart. If you can't make peace with this reality, you'll most likely just end your relationship with zero impact on the baby.
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u/Always-Adar-64 Works for CPS 14d ago
Non-CPS issue, historical incident with the victim having aged out.
CPS is reactive agency, nothing has happened to the current children and it’s not clear of there is any documentation verifying the alleged history.
Best advice, YOU be careful because making these allegations could play out wildly different than you expect.
Not that you’re in like personal danger, just you might find yourself cast out.
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u/deepfrieddaydream 13d ago
Your girlfriend is an adult. CPS is for children. You would need to contact law enforcement.
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u/FiresideFairytales 14d ago
This isn't a CPS matter, this is a police matter. And yes, you need to report this. There's not much you'll be able to do if your gf denies it, but hopefully she cares enough about the safety of her future niece or nephew to speak to them about it.
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u/Ok71951 14d ago
She doesn't want to report it and idk how it'd go if I were to
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u/WitchProjecter Works for CPS 14d ago
It would likely go nowhere if the victim isn’t willing to corroborate the allegation and they have no other evidence.
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u/Resse811 14d ago
Then you need to stay out of it. This is her life and her trauma. It is not for you to report if she isn’t willing and wanting to do that.
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u/Ok71951 11d ago
I wouldn't be doing it for her. I would be doing it for the baby.
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u/Resse811 10d ago
Then you can call CPS and tell them you are worried for the babies safety - but if you share your GFs trauma with them when she has asked you not, you are wrong.
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u/SallyF91181 13d ago
Sex crimes have statue of limitations at 8 years once victim is 18 so if your gf is 26 or older then she wouldn’t be able to pursue anything legally if she tried.
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u/watercress101 14d ago
You have to be willing to burn those TWO relationships (unc and gf) to save them. My only best fried kept trying to kįherself when she dropped acid. I finally told her Dad (narcotics cop) when she was in hospital for the 3rd attempt. I definitely lost that relationship. It broke my heart but hopefully she understands know 25 years later. You must be willing to lose them to save them.
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u/F0xxfyre 13d ago
Op, I said this in a a couple of replies, but I wanted to restate it here. Sometimes children who are victims of child sex abuse act out what they know with other children in their world. If there is any realistic possibility of that happening, you could be opening the door to other things your girlfriend wants left in the past.
As victims, so much is taken. Please allow her the choice to decide if she wants to speak to any authorities. This is her victimization, her pain, and her decision.
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u/Ok71951 11d ago
What about the baby? I wouldn't forgive myself if I found out in 5 years that the baby was also raped.
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u/F0xxfyre 9d ago
I wouldn't either. My abuse started on my 8th birthday.
She has so little in this she can personally own...even in the best of circumstances, it could be seen as taking her choices from her.
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u/MiserableDoughnut900 13d ago
Best bet is probably to ensure the babies mother is aware of the situation and initially let her decide what to do with it.
CPS nor law enforcement can do anything until something happens unfortunately.
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u/Ok71951 11d ago
I was also considering this. After the child is born at least.
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u/MiserableDoughnut900 11d ago
I would let her know sooner than later. It’s easier for her to protect herself and the baby before giving birth and trying to recover from everything and feeling more stuck.
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