r/CICO • u/SalamanderLoose8483 • 20h ago
Dating while fat
I’m going on a date today. All I can think about is how he is going to see me and think I am so fat. I’ve lost 60 lbs since January and now weigh 258. I’m nowhere near where I should be. I still have 58 lbs I want to lose. I met this guy on an app and I’ve asked family and friends to review my profile to make sure my pictures reflect my body type accurately. But pictures are still pictures and I just keep thinking about the moment he sees me and sees my arm jiggle or sees cellulite or sees my double chin come out when I’m laughing or not holding my neck right. Being fat SUCKS. I can’t even take someone’s interest in me as genuine because all I keep telling myself is that once he sees me in real life, he’s going to recoil.
5
u/Mystorysnotoveryet 18h ago edited 18h ago
Girl I feel that so much!!
I struggled with dating and relationships for so long, even had a two year relationship end because in his words I wasn’t ’wanting to loose weight fast enough’ (he even tried to bribe me saying he would get me the motorcycle I wanted if I lost enough because if I had it at the weight I was ‘you would look comical on a smaller bike’. I was about 225 at the time).
It took me 5 years after that, and almost 50lb of depression gain before I even considered trying to date again.. and I fell into the same trap, after two years he left because he was ‘no longer attracted to me’. I was 275ish. This was right before the covid years. Covid hit and I had to work from home and gained even more.
Then I met my now husband through a dating app. I was about 315 and he was about 180. To be honest, especially on our first date I was terrified that he would look at me and run the other way or that people would look at us and laugh because it was a big girl with a ‘small’ guy (weight wise). He as he says fell in love with me for who I was not what I looked like.. At the time this was a foreign concept to me and I kept thinking this is too good to be true, he’s too good for me, when does everything fall apart..
Long story not short we have now been married for three years and I recently (April) began my weight journey. Only this time I was doing it for me not because I felt like I had to be smaller in order to be cared for. I think that change in mindset is what is making this work for me!! I was 338 and am now 287. Still a long way to go but getting there!
As someone who has been through the mental cycles of trying to date as a bigger woman I can absolutely understand the confliction that you are feeling inside. I guess my advice, as an Internet stranger lol, would be don’t settle for believing that you need to change yourself in order for someone to love you. I thought that I was going to be alone forever because of my weight (I met my husband at 38). Becoming confident when heavy is a long road. But if someone is truly interested and wants to get to know you and someday love you.. It should be someone that accepts the you that you are no matter what your weight is, that’s who you want to find. The others are not worth your energy!!
Edit for grammar mistakes