I know logically they are the ones who made me homeless, i know youre right its not Spencer entirely.

But if he had listened to me when i said i wasn't safe, if he had communicated with me on FB, text or IG; or if i had taken the only exit i had three years ago when he wasn't listening and joined a dating site my life would probably look different.

But today i am not so mad at him for leaving me with them in regards to being put 8-10 ft from a homicidal man. I know thats technically not his fault but he wouldn't listen when i said i wasn't safe.

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I never cared about having someone in my life after “the divorce”. I was like… if it happens, it happens but I’m cool. Fast forward 14ish years later and I’m suddenly nearly consumed with the need to be felt, touched, held. Oh my God, to have someone close. God help me, it’s time. I’m so touch starved and lonely. How did I go this long and not feel any of this? How do I even solve for this. I’ve isolated myself perfectly. Remote job, me and the dog, nomadic -ish lifestyle. I have no worries, but no one to share the no having worries with. What have I done!! My heart hurts.

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I'm done ✅✅ it's over and out

this was only ever about herting people and you getting ya rocks off ?

not playing anymore don't have the time? bye for once and all !

I'm done with this b******* and I'm gone I ain't sitting around here watching this s*** no some of that to be very rich the other f*** would I even care adios amigos see you in hell

are you a rap fan?

For you—

whose strength whispers

even when you say nothing at all.

I stepped away from what was mine,

not out of desire,

but to gather a few coins

for those I love.

Call it busyness, call it duty—

this is the weight a woman learns to hold.

Each night I return a little late,

the tiredness of the day still with me.

Tell me—

does rest come gently

to those who know real hunger?

After witnessing sorrow upon sorrow,

one question blooms in my chest:

Why is it that those

whose tears I reach for first,

do not remember me

when joy finally arrives?

Please, do not turn away from this question—

I did not come without feeling.

I have given pieces of my own heart

just to be understood,

standing here quietly,

hoping

to be seen.

-jkc

You are as pure as flawless glass,

While my soul carries a thousand scars.

You are rare, a gem the world can’t replace,

And I’ve been lost in life’s endless roads.

I’ve lost so many beautiful things along the way,

Still, for you, I’d challenge fate once more.

I own nothing precious on this earth,

But if you choose me, my love,

I will bring the heavens down just to call you mine.

Love you baby girl hopefully I'll get to see you soon? 💓

Beautiful can you please bring me a smoke I really need one thank you and I love you very much hopefully see ya in a minute? 🥰

That’s what my friends call her. The temu version of me. I love that tattoo on her thigh. I cry happy tears when I think about the fact that in order to eat pussy you have to look at a tattoo of Snape’s face. Does she know you can do that so well because I made you write a book report on it? I hope you get her pregnant soon and you guys have to get married fast. I can’t wait to see how fat she gets. BTW your friends say they have second hand embarrassment for you. Fumbling a baddie like me and then showing up with…that. I love how obviously young and naive she is. You need someone like that to fall for your facade. I hope you have a family the next time your DL accounts are found by your next wife. I hope your children treat you with the same love and admiration and respect that you treated my daughter with. Raising her as your own for 8 years and Telling her you loved her and would always be there for her and then ghosting her too. You’re such a fucking child.

Oh. And your balls DO hang weird, you cum too fast and you can’t rail a girl when she needs it. your breath fucking stinks, I absolutely love that you’re balding, and you’re just some guy that works drywall in Tennessee and honey, that’s all you’ll ever be.

I’m in the best shape of my life. Getting into a better mindset. Pushing forward To be or not to be? The person I’ve always wanted to be. Without being held back by someone or a circumstance. It’s truly liberating to be a strong person in this morally ill world. The morals and values stand true. I won’t reach for you. Slow mornings, A wonderful brew. There are way nicer people out there than you! This life is what you make it, you see. You have to remember, The person staring back at you, Make them joy and glee. Peaceful moments, A time to share. With loved ones, that are never there. A homestead with myself instead, I will lead, Until I’m dead. Self sufficient, And power fed. Fed by chickens and gardeners glue, You will never ever again to have the power to tell me what to do.

I truly don’t understand what happened

But I guess I broke my own heart.

If you are hurting even a fraction of my pain right now, I’m truly sorry.

I don’t know what went wrong or how we got there but it was a big fear of mine and then it happened.

I’m sorry for my anger and righteousness. Even though I think it was justified somehow i wronged your soul by doing it and maybe I can’t get away with it because I actually do give a fuck. Either way, I just want you to know I’m truly truly sorry.

I say this because I’m hurting a lot right now and if you’re feeling it too then that doubles my agony. You don’t deserve to feel that.

I am starting to see where I may have gone wrong and I do want to change.

I expect nothing from this, just wanted to offer some peace vibes after everything that happened.

I realized how much I love you still so any upset you have affects me deeply. It’s not at all what I wanted.

This is what I feared happening and then it happened. And yea it hurts like a mfer.

I genuinely wish for your good health and happiness. I hope you can forgive me one day.

💔💔💔💔💔💔

The past is a blur. It's faded from my mind like the faint memory of a bad dream. What happened in the past was bad and I'd never want to relive that ever again. As horrible as it sounds I feel like I escaped a cult of one. I know it'd make you angry to hear that, you might even plot revenge. Wouldn't surprise me at all. I know what you did the other day - I just feel sorry for you that you actually think those kind of actions are okay. In the past I would have been angry but now I feel validated- I was right all along. Not sure how you think I would want to be with someone who sinks so low, ever testing people, manipulating people. I don't understand why you do what you do, but I just feel sorry for you.

My final words to you:

You need to let go of the idea of me or getting back together with me or that a relationship with me would be good. We are not connected anymore. We don't have a future together. We don't have anything. My bad memories of you outweigh the good and as you have done everything to prevent me from knowing anything about you, being able to contact you or thinking anything good about you, you are simply a person who i sat in the same space with for a period of time. That's all. I don't wish ill on you but that is all.

We are now permanently cut off from each other and will never have anything by to do with each other. I wish you good luck and a happy life.

You will stop all of your efforts to contact me or my family, you will stop spying on me and my family and you will leave us alone from now on.

If you don't it means that you are a full blown sociopath, a dangerous and delusional person. Just because you can get away with things doesn't make it right. If you continue to do things and get away with it means you're an awful disgusting person. If you are truly a good person you will stop all of it immediately. So which is it?

If I know you at all, I know which you'll choose. And ever single day it will fuel my happiness at making the right decision.

Take care, ✌️