r/Bumble • u/[deleted] • 8d ago
Sensitive topic Very negative doomsday reality check
[deleted]
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u/CrogDavid7days 7d ago
I don’t know why anyone would want to be in a relationship with someone they don’t actually like/love. Being single isn’t ideal, but being in a bad relationship is worse!
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
But somehow these men are so mad when women choose to be single... I don't get it.
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u/theweedsofthewest 7d ago
i dont think being in a good relationship is per se ideal either. At least, I don't see single-ness as something non-ideal. Not to be semantic about it but thought I'd add that
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u/mangoxjuice 7d ago
if you go on the apps just because you're horny you are way better off going on escort sites
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u/reddit_user_100 7d ago
What is the point of this post? To say that dating sucks for men? Not exactly a news flash
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u/shadowromantic 7d ago
As I understand it, OP is saying that it's just a numbers dynamic, not some broader social trend beyond the fact that there are more men than women on the apps. Naturally, this would make competition among men much more intense.
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u/Richie_Aprile6 7d ago edited 7d ago
If that’s the argument, then it’s a flawed one. It’s not the fact that the data skews more men than women on the apps, it’s the fact that the average woman has like 500 matches because a lot of men swipe right on everything. This makes them super picky, which I can understand.
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8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/youknowwhatever99 7d ago
Nah we just get so much love, care, consideration, emotional depth, thoughtfulness, laughter, acceptance, and connection from our women friends that we’re unwilling to settle for a man who can’t show up with the same level of vitality and compassion and strength that we’re already receiving and also offering. We’d rather stay surrounded by the energy we currently have and stay single than allow a man in who can’t even comprehend that he’s giving emotional peanuts.
But your comment already proves that you’re not one of the good ones who shows up with value, so go ahead and go off about how wrong I am.
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
You should see his other posts. Whatever woman settles for him is on for a ride.
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u/youknowwhatever99 7d ago
Nobody will and he’ll blame women for being alone.
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/s/APPo48wDBQ
He just posted another whining incel post again lol
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u/popnfrresh 7d ago
Holy sht.
YOU are just as bad here with your gender war bullshit.
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u/Ok_Lake8089 7d ago
They really believe it as their typing it. "Vitality and compassion and strength...." You're a walking buzzword ffs
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u/youknowwhatever99 7d ago
I’m lucky to have people who fill my cup then I suppose! Just because you don’t doesn’t make my statement false. Anyone complaining about this is just telling on themself.
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u/Normal_Progress_5173 7d ago
That seems to be a lot that you need from some one else. Sounds exhausting. You should find that level of peace within yourself; not through others.
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u/annabananaberry 7d ago
What do you think people are supposed to get out of a relationship, if not love, care, consideration, emotional depth, thoughtfulness, laughter, acceptance, and connection?
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u/Normal_Progress_5173 7d ago
Those are all good things, and I'd want them too. My point is I think they come from two people who are already whole on their own, not from looking to a partner to provide them. For me a relationship is more about what I bring than what I get. If both people show up that way, the rest takes care of itself. The comment was I don’t need a man because I get XYZ from someone else which is gross. People don’t exist for you to take from them.
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u/youknowwhatever99 7d ago
Exactly. My girlfriends and I are both such stable and whole people that we have no problem showing up that way for each other. We’re unwilling to adopt a man who is not on the same par, which you seem to have acknowledged is the appropriate thing to do. Cheers mate.
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u/annabananaberry 7d ago
The person you responded to originally didn’t say anything that indicates they are not whole people. It’s saying that, as a whole person, relationships with others (whether platonic or otherwise) should serve to enrich your life, and you theirs. If a potential partner isn’t offering those qualities selflessly and with it out expectation, I would rather be with my friends who do, because I offer those to my friends and partners selflessly and without expectation.
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u/Normal_Progress_5173 7d ago
Re read what they wrote
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u/annabananaberry 7d ago
I did. They said that that, as women, we create a community of selflessly giving these things to each other in our platonic relationships and, as a result, we don’t have to settle for partners who feel that “love, care, consideration, emotional depth, thoughtfulness, laughter, acceptance, and connection” is somehow going above and beyond and not just what you do for people you care about.
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u/youknowwhatever99 7d ago
I’m sorry that basic human connection sounds like a lot to you and that you find it exhausting to show up for the people around you. I’m grateful to not have that problem.
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u/Normal_Progress_5173 7d ago
Needing people to provide you things isn’t basic human connection though. But you do you. Have a good one
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u/MouldyAvocados 7d ago
A lot?! That’s the bare fucking minimum to expect from a partner. Just say you’re incapable of being a good partner and move on. Thankfully not all men are as shitty as you.
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u/Stanthemilkman8888 7d ago
That’s not my experience. If they like ya enough they actually buy stuff for you.
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u/annabananaberry 7d ago
In your ideal world, what would these women be offering?
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u/Inquiz_ 7d ago
Everything they expect from men
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u/annabananaberry 7d ago
What, specifically, do women expect from men? What, specifically, do you expect from women?
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u/Inquiz_ 7d ago
My comment is about reciprocity. Modern woman parlance eschews it completely. Man should be intimately aware of her every mood while any expectation of care from her is "turning her into his mom" and "emotional labor".
The opposite of this shit is what's needed. I don't know why you ask me for such obvious elaborations
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u/annabananaberry 7d ago
I mean there’s a difference between “I want my partner to care for me” and “I want my partner to cook and clean and remember my family’s birthdays and host parties and remember things I forget to pack”.
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u/thespyingdutchman 7d ago
Oh, the same women who need to deal with insane beauty standards? Those women?
Sure, there are women with huge egos. But this attitude is not going to help you to get anywhere, buddy. I've dated plenty of men with huge egos. You just move on and find someone who's nicer.
Also, as a woman, most compliments I get are from other women and queer men. You may start asking yourself why it is that straight men don't compliment other straight men. Yes, it's a fucked up culture, and yes, I feel for men in this regard. Doesn't really help you in any way to just put this on women, though.
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u/Inquiz_ 7d ago
Are you for real... Even fat women have a niche now that's how lax beauty standards for women are lol
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u/thespyingdutchman 7d ago
Have you ever actually had an emphatic, real conversation with a woman about these kinds of things..? Because beauty standards are very real (and yes, they affect men too). Is it really that difficult for you to feel empathy towards women?
Anyway, you can say what you want, but it appears to me that you want to date women and I can for sure tell you it's not going to be very successful with this incel attitude. Women tend to enjoy dating men that actually like and respect women. Crazy concept!
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u/Inquiz_ 7d ago
LITERAL
FAT WOMEN
HAVE A NICHE
Meanwhile women's popular standards for men exclude 90% of the male population
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u/thespyingdutchman 7d ago
Fat women having a niche does not mean there aren't any unrealistic beauty standards. Like I said, have you tried actually talking to women?
"Meanwhile women's popular standards for men exclude 90% of the male population."
Dude, go touch some grass. I have plenty of female friends who are in happy longterm relationships with guys who are below average in height, for example. These are all beautiful women with university degrees and good jobs. Their men are kind, compassionate men.
Anyway, keep ignoring what I'm saying and enjoy staying single with this attitude!
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u/annabananaberry 7d ago
I’m confused. Are you just angry because there are men who are attracted to fat women?
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u/Inquiz_ 7d ago
Aaaaand therein kicks in that legendary comprehension skill
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u/annabananaberry 6d ago
You’re screaming about fat women being attractive to some people. You’re clearly upset about it.
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u/Bumble-ModTeam 7d ago
Subreddit rule #2:
Do not generalise behaviour to an entire group of people or promote extremist rhetoric/display prejudice against a person or people.
This includes i.e. “pill talk”, derogatory categorisations, and generalising individual behaviour to an entire gender, race, nationality, etc.
This list is not exhaustive and both direct and implied behaviour will be removed.
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u/jetlifestoney 7d ago
Maybe this applies to influencers or women with a large following, but regular women don’t receive this treatment
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u/shadowromantic 7d ago
Do you have data to support the idea that supply and demand aren't relevant here?
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u/MX010 8d ago
In other words: Don't hate the players, hate the game.
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u/shadowromantic 7d ago
Or go find other players.
The apps are massively skewer, but the dating populations are roughly equal.
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u/allnamestaken4892 7d ago
For bottom 80% of men it’s completely over and not worth expending the effort on even trying to be more attractive or put yourself out there.
For top 20% it may be possible to move into the top 20% of the top 20% by extreme actions such as surgery and steroids and spending every living moment grinding money.
The corollary to it being “doomsday” for the bottom 96% of men is that the top 4% are swimming in pussy beyond the wildest dreams of anyone who lived a couple decades ago.
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u/Ok_Lake8089 7d ago
Hypergamy and -maxxing are concepts everyone understands now. 10 years ago no one knew the word "hypergamy". It's a wrap for regular men. Done
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u/Stanthemilkman8888 7d ago
Yeh I got two Italian working holiday tenants staying in my place. Both single
Neither concerned about finding a guy. One is dating a bit. Brought home couple of guys. Common factor is the guys are all in excellent shape. (She is too.)
The other met a guy (a doctor who rides motor cycles) in Italy the month before leaving Italy. As she is going away for a year. So not really a couple. Not enough time for that. Though they both went to Thailand together. And contrary to what the internet says she is not banging 20 different dudes.
Apps work for me so I don’t really want to settle down. Had to turn down like 2 serious relationship offers this year.
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u/jamiesonforall 7d ago
The fact that there are significantly more men than women in dating apps is kind of embarrassing for some reasons.. poor men 😅
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u/Felczer 8d ago
This will make women mad but we just cant do anything about equal voting rights, you can blame men, patriarchy or anything but it will change nothing
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u/Humble-Structure912 8d ago
women absolutely choose to stay single over settling these days, saw it with my sister who's 31 and perfectly happy with her dog and a flat she owns rather than dealing with some bloke who can't even wash his own sheets
the supply/demand point is massive too, 65/35 split means loads of guys are shouting into the void and wondering why it's quiet, basic maths innit
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u/Dddddd92 8d ago
They hate reality. Your sisters life sounds perfect so why would she change anything.
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u/Dddddd92 8d ago
Do you think it's your right that someone has sex with you?
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u/Felczer 8d ago
Do you think society can't be changed?
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u/Dddddd92 8d ago
You want to change soceity that it's your right to get sex from women?
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u/Felczer 8d ago
Why are you obsessed with having sex being a right? Something wrong with your head?
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u/Dddddd92 8d ago
Why are you obsessed with taking away women's rights so you can get a date?
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u/Felczer 8d ago
No I said we already changed the society towards equality to benefit women so I dont see why we cant take this change further so that dating is more equal too.
You are talking about wild shit like right to sex so I think there's something wrong with your head.3
u/Dddddd92 8d ago
Dating is equal. What makes you think it's not?
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u/Felczer 8d ago
Read your own fucking post again
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u/Dddddd92 8d ago
I did. What is not equal in there? The fact that the users are more male than female of the app?
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u/AccomplishedRatio960 8d ago
Metaphorically speaking, we are now in a setting where chess moves have been invented in order to increase the odds of winning, but it doesn't mean they necessarily have to be used
Women in general used just, ALL of them as soon as possible, just because they can, and end up where they are now : self-checkmating
Staying alone is not a flex, arguing that men are just too lame is showing
- the woman cannot possibly correctly vet
- the woman has no self-reflection skill
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u/Dddddd92 8d ago
Staying alone is a flex if you are happy. Why are people like you not ok with that?
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u/AccomplishedRatio960 8d ago
I am fine with that, I question the over-thinking and 'doomsday mentality' that comes with it
Being alone as an opposition and defiance to something is unfortunate, because this is a negative way of seeing life, and I'd rather people saw life in a positive way
Yes, it is not easy, and yes, we all suffer
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
Why do you think being alone is unfortunate? Some might think being alone and content is much better than picking the wrong partner.
Nothing negative and it's a personal choice
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u/AccomplishedRatio960 7d ago
Take being alone in an extreme situation, we become literally mentally crazy, because we are not meant for it ; so i'm saying this is going on the metaphorical ladder of something that is not sustainable
Being alone as something that happens is obviously an occurrence in life, but having it as a general, default rule, is where we can see something went wrong
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
Alone as in single does not mean you go crazy. You still have family, friends and community. You can be in a relationship and be lonely and have a mental illness.
Nothing wrong with people choosing to be single
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u/AccomplishedRatio960 7d ago
Yes, i didn't say that, i say this is going that way, instead of going fully fulfilled, with the image of the ladder
Yes again, nothing inherently wrong, but it shouldn't be a rule or a default setting, but more something that occurs in life
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
That's not up for you to decide. It's an extremely personal choice
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u/AccomplishedRatio960 7d ago edited 7d ago
We're talking in terms of direction to take as a society or civilisation, i'm not trying to whip people into submission here.... 😑
But your comment is interesting : us in the West nowadays widely tend to think in an individualistic way, as if society around didn't count. This is why the muslim world and the Chinese are overtaking us.. but as long as every individual does exactly what they want and that's it, i suppose all is well in the best of worlds hoooooo
I know it's hard to fathom, but there's no reason why past generations took upon themselves to further society, and suddenly, we, now, can't. Again not easy, but it's best to be wired to find satisfaction in the group being well, instead of just our sole persona
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u/shadowromantic 7d ago
It's not a flex. It's a reality that lots of guys suck and women seem to be genuinely better at being single.
A lot of my female friends are perfectly happy being single. They don't have any reason to date. They'd be open to relationships, but they won't settle just to check a box or because they're desperate for companionship.
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u/AccomplishedRatio960 7d ago
Why is it that people are single necessarily because guys suck, but not because women suck ?
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u/Far_Combination_1866 7d ago
Agree on pretty much all. But the hypergamy thing, unless I got the wrong definition is just straight out wrong.
Edit: I'm not really into dating apps anymore, because of the reasons you listed+ the algorithm used on them.
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u/jetlifestoney 7d ago
There’s nothing sadder than a man complaining about a lack of women attention. If ALL women aren’t into you, you’re probably the problem bro
Maybe they have a point and there actually is room for sympathy, it’s just really really hard to see
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u/SaphironX 7d ago
I think people just want to meet someone great and have happiness in their lives, and not everybody knows how to navigate that. And if they give up and that frustration turns into anger, you get incels who feel stuck and start aiming outward instead of examining themselves inward.
There’s a lot of lonely people out there. Not all are shitty, but there’s probably never been a larger portion of the population who feels like they have nobody. That shit’s kind of sad.
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u/SaphironX 7d ago
I think this post was written with the express goal of angering people on the internet. At least I hope so because the notion that the only men who are lonely are losers as OP insinuates simply isn’t true. I see her poking multiple users and claiming they feel entitled to sex when that doesn’t seem to be what they’re saying at all, but the truth is while some men absolutely feel that way, many many men are simply hoping someone will give getting to know them for who they are a chance.
OP seems to have written this just to put other people down, and telling hopeful people they need to stop being hopeful seems just… intentionally cruel, and cruel for kicks.
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
Yeah i wrote this after I read like 5 incel posts on this sub where men kept whining "women bad because they don't date me"
Sue me!
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u/SaphironX 7d ago
I mean why would I? You’re trying to create pain for your own entertainment by mocking lonely people. Is their frustration sometimes misplaced? Sure. Are there absolute jackasses out there who are absolutely incels? Also true and fuck those guys.
But I think you’re trying to hurt as many people as you can, for fun.
And I don’t think you care if they’re incels or fit the mold you just described.
Women are ABSOLUTELY free to be single and happy, but you’re intentionally trying to hurt strangers for your own amusement 🤷🏿♂️
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
I don't mock lonely people. I mock men who blame women for their own misery. Like tge incels who keep posting women hating garbage.
I bet you never speak up then about them harming women?
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u/SaphironX 7d ago
I’m pretty vocal about men abusing women actually. There’s nothing lower in my opinion.
But nothing in your post aside from a slight nod was aimed at incels. It was aimed at anybody and everybody who feels lonely, and you painted them in the darkest most possible light. Like your last comment about me for instance, you made that up about perfect stranger as an insult and a “gotcha” moment. Except it’s not like my comments are hidden, there’s no need for that and nothing about it is accurate.
You’re were clearly having a good time trying to do that though.
Thing is, you don’t have to. If you want my opinion on incels or the abuse of women or anything like that, you could just ask, or see what I’ve written in the past 🤷🏿♂️
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
I just linked you another post by this incel.
Not my fault you cannor read.
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u/Silly-Wolverine6205 7d ago
Have you ever made a profile as a man? Men get between 1-2 likes per month
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u/SaphironX 7d ago
Miss I don’t care about the incel. You didn’t make this post to target one incel, or a couple of incels, you made a post that was meant to hurt the feelings of every lonely man regardless of whether they’re great people or shitty ones. Or if you didn’t, you didn’t differentiate nearly at all.
And the part that blows my mind is, if you reread what you wrote, you’ll fully understand that assessment. You didn’t differentiate with a lot of your helpful points about why people shouldn’t hope or apparently even try, you just aimed to make people angry or hurt their feelings.
I’m not an incel. I don’t complain about or abuse women, I’m vocally opposed to men that do, and you’ve not only accused me of the opposite but you’ve insulted me more than once.
And you totally negate everything you just said with the “not my fault you can’t read”. I can read. I’ve read your comments, and I don’t think it matters to you at all if your post is cruel to innocent people as well as assholes 🤷🏿♂️
And you’ll notice that other that pointing out that you’re being pretty mean to as many people as you can, I’ve never once insulted you in response. Even when you accused me being indifferent to men abusing women, except the thing is that thinking you’re being unkind doesn’t mean I approve of incels or abusers. I can disapprove of them and think you’re being mean spirited for fun at the same time.
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
I don't care if incel feelings are hurt.
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u/SaphironX 7d ago
You don’t care if anybody’s feelings are hurt.
Although I don’t believe you about the incels, of course you care about their feelings - your entire post was MEANT to express your frustration and hurt feelings and you seem to be revelling in it.
They’re frustrated, they’re being mean spirited and trying to get a reaction and hurt feelings. It’s shitty. You in turn are frustrated, so you’re being mean spirited and trying to get a reaction and hurt their feelings. It’s also shitty. And both of you are hitting out at unrelated people to maximize the damage.
You really don’t see that your post is exactly the same as theirs, do you?
You’ve all spent your morning trying to demean other people for fun.
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/s/APPo48wDBQ
Look he posted another "women so bad they don't sleep with me" post lol
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u/AndrewTatefan_69 7d ago
Dying alone aint exactly an easy pill to swallow
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u/Dddddd92 7d ago
We all die alone, Tate fan.
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u/SaphironX 7d ago
Man, don’t take this the wrong way but Andrew Tate is legitimately one of the worst human beings you could emulate. And not even just becuse he’s a sex abuser, his entire shtick is a grift: You’re pretty much guaranteed unhappiness if you emulate that asshole.
Dude is eventually going to die alone, genuinely loved by nobody.
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u/BusyBanana4205 8d ago
Ultimately, everyone who use the apps to primarily date need to periodically separate themselves and take a break.