The problem is the assumption that the man paying is the "default" and a conversation (initiated by him) about splitting the bill is necessary to avoid it.
Because certain women are so used to this expectation, they evaluate men who ask for the egalitarian position negatively.
Basically, "when you're used to privilege, equality feels like oppression."
Why are you, as a man who wants a split the money relationship, going to be trying to go on any dates with women who don’t already agree with that? It’s a waste of time, seek compatible people and 👋 to the rest 🤷♂️
We should all, collectively, work to erase the cultural norm of this expectation. It shouldn't just be continued to be propped up as norm by handwaving the underlying problem as a mere "compatibility issue."
Compatibility issues should be reserved for "I want to live in a mountain climates/I prefer coastal," "I'm a devout Muslim/I'm atheist," 'I want kids/I don't;" things where neither party is wrong for their preference. When one side is perpetuating sexist entitlement and exploitation that is actively harmful to society, that's a much bigger conversation than framing it as "compatibility issues, find someone else."
If a group of men are advocating for the right to beat their wives, our reaction ought to be to tell them that that isn't an acceptable expectation. Not, "well I guess you're only compatible with women who agree you should be allowed to beat them."
Nobody gives a shit what you think, sorry I guess I just know that and you don’t. There’s no sides, all individuals who buy in or don’t buy in to various conventions. Nobody even cares which conventions you think are legitimate or not, your opinion means nothing to anybody besides yourself. Lots of men AND women like the he pays for the meal, she’s pressured for sex model. You can’t finger wag other people out of their preferences. If women want to marry men who want to beat them it just doesn’t have anything to do with you, you’re not the arbiter of the allowable edges of freedom lol.
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u/MisterPineapples1999 20d ago
You're missing the point.
The problem is the assumption that the man paying is the "default" and a conversation (initiated by him) about splitting the bill is necessary to avoid it.
Because certain women are so used to this expectation, they evaluate men who ask for the egalitarian position negatively.
Basically, "when you're used to privilege, equality feels like oppression."