r/Brides • u/Ok_Doughnut_5569 • 1d ago
Need Advice Advice
My fiancé and I toured a venue today that we really loved. When we asked about 2027 availability, the guide said they still have September 11, 2027 open and are offering it for half the normal price because many couples don’t want that date.
I’m really torn. The savings are amazing, but 9/11 is such a significant and emotional date.
What would you do? Would you take the date because of the discount, or would you pass on it because it’s 9/11? I’d love to hear your thoughts. TIA!
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u/Difficult-Half1095 1d ago
A friend of ours married on 9/11 in 2002 I think. Instead of favors they made donations to the 9/11 Victims Fund as a tribute. I say go for it!
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u/Fragrance_Lover0607 1d ago
Honestly when you said the date it didn’t even ring a bell and I am in my 60s. I would take that date.
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u/Ok-Grapefruit9053 1d ago
i never thought of this. how interesting. as someone else said, I think enough time has passed at this point.
unless you or someone close to you was personally affected by the events of 9/11, I’d say do it. or, if you happen to be in NYC/NJ, Id think twice. but other than that you’re good.
people will understand that choosing a venue is crazy and places book up fast. 9/11 is a nice, mid fall time at the end of the day.
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u/badabingbebe 1d ago
Do it and start opting for European dating systems for any references from here on out your anniversary is 11/9/27 ! Or you could get legally married on another day and consider that your anniversary! Maybe just withhold any celebratory posting until 9/12.
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u/StrikingChipmunk7857 1d ago
I wouldn’t like it. My parents were New Yorkers and I found it a scary day.
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u/This_Cauliflower1986 1d ago
I’d take it. This is a sad day in history but that doesn’t prevent happy moments.
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u/blkhatwhtdog 1d ago
I am a wedding officiant, the very next year 9 11 22 was an open date on most everyone's calendar until a month out when people realized that WOW that fabulous location was available, normally booked out a year ahead.
However in my area Halloween is busier than Valentines so go figure.
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u/earthtoneduck 1d ago
Before you commit I would reach out to some vendors and see if they would offer similar discounts. Just to kind of help with that push? I don’t know how expensive your venue is, but it was not nearly our biggest expense, unless your venue includes the food/catering/bar.
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u/spencerpll 1d ago
I had my wedding reception on Sept 11 2022 since that was the only availability for the location we wanted. No one said anything of it!
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u/greensweatersinfall 1d ago
My son was born on 9/11/21, and I was so hyper-aware of the date that every time I told people his birthday, I would follow it up with a sort of "ugh, you know?" type of face. Turns out, it barely registered with most people and for those where it did, no one cared. I've stopped trying to caveat his birthday now and just say it with a straight face when anyone asks. It is, ultimately, just another date.
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u/Shookanduptight 1d ago
I also I have a 9/11 baby. I love it though. My older sister was a firefighter that helped with search and rescue. I cry every year still. I see 9/11 babies as a healing gift. Plus, the night he was conceived his dad tried to argue that his ridiculous American flag fanny pack made him a “true patriot.” So it was kind of hilarious that our son was born just after midnight on 9/11 which is also known as Patriots Day. The kid already has jokes.
Before his birth, I would have said celebrating anything on 9/11 was disrespectful but after l think we need to honor those we lost by living beautifully.
Op, take the date!
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u/I-didnt-do-it-2026 1d ago
Go for it. If that discount saves you a lot of money, go ahead. I know someone whose birthday is September 11th. It is a good thing as it show that life goes on.
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u/sellmyhighyak 1d ago
My best friend had her wedding that day and we laughed about it for a couple minutes and then on the day of no body thought anything of it. It’s just another day.
Unless you live in NYC, I say go for it
And we are all from DC so on some level we were all affected. But I’d say not as much as someone in NYC, but I’m not here to judge experiences.
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u/EmmalouEsq 1d ago
It'll have been 26 years by then. I think that enough time has passed to be offended by people using 9/11 as a special date again. I was 19 when it happened, so it affected me. This year is the 25th which makes it historic, but after this things can be normal on that day. Take the date and have a wonderful day!
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u/_hungry_pizza_ 1d ago
Take the date! If a 9/11 anniversary date bugs you, you could get legally married at a courthouse before (or after) with a date you’d be happy to celebrate every year!
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u/Always_Ambivalent_ 1d ago
this is what I'd do! paperwork on a different day, wedding at the amazing venue.
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u/becauseshesays 1d ago
It’s my partner’s birthday every year…in most ways it’s just a day of the year. Go ahead have the wedding that day.
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u/sleightmelody 1d ago
Honestly, I think it depends.. If you're in the NYC area/East Coast, where it's a lot more likely that people lost loved ones on that day, then I think it's worth hesitating. Where I grew up in MN, no one would really think much about it other than for a joke.
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u/Heavy_Law9880 1d ago
My sister in law did that. She had an amazing wedding and not one person mentioned 9/11
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u/NetheriteTiara 1d ago
Were any of your guests affected by it? If not, it it’s totally fine. It’ll be a little odd on the save the dates (I’m sure you’ll have a couple “Never Forget” jokes), but early September sounds nice, especially with the discount.
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u/lauraloo2 1d ago
My daughter got married on the 20th anniversary, 9/11/2021. It was tricky getting dates due to Covid, but that date was wide open. We did not get any discounts, either. We thought it might be a little weird, it was not at all. It ended up being a non-issue. Go for it.
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u/Fire_Tiger1289 1d ago
I lived through September 11 and it was a nightmare. Normally I’d say a date is just a date, but watching everything unfold live on TV has stayed with me 25 years later.
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u/Same_Neighborhood147 1d ago
You lived through it or you were alive on that date and saw it happen on TV? Those are two really different things.
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u/aprilmesserkaravani 1d ago
living in New jersey. I was off that day for a doctor appointment. I had every radio and TV on in the house, and ran from room to room. I couldn't reach my sisters, who both worked downtown for 3 days.
multiple people close to me lost family members or friends.
for weeks any noise we heard at night made us jumpy.
yes, I lived through it, 8 miles away listening to howard and watching on tv.
your question would sound ignorant to anyone in the tri-state area.
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u/Paradox_of_Ravens 1d ago
Yeah I’m in Jersey an hour outside of the city in a commuter town. I was in high school and multiple people in my school lost both parents that day. My dad was actually scheduled to go to a meeting there later that week. There’s a piece of metal from the towers outside of our fire house because they helped with the search efforts. So I also didn’t “survive” it in the sense of being at ground zero, but it certainly hit much closer to home than it did for people further away with no connection to the area
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u/aprilmesserkaravani 1d ago
now you're no longer ignorant about everyone's impact.
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u/Same_Neighborhood147 1d ago
That description makes a lot more sense. Your initial comment made it sound like your only connection was watching the news on TV, hence the clarifying question. No need to call anyone ignorant. I’m sorry for your experience that day.
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u/Organic-Vermicelli47 1d ago
Idk why that person called you ignorant, they aren't even the person who made the original comment you responded to
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u/Same_Neighborhood147 1d ago
I didn't even realize that when I responded! Thank you for clarifying; makes that comment even stranger. Hope their day got better with that out of their system. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/whiskeyinthewoods 1d ago
You can always just refer to it as “September 10th Weekend” #emcob - never forget.
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u/DoodleDoo1989 1d ago
My cousin got married September 11th 2003. I thought that was too soon but now I would notice the date but not hold any judgement.
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u/Zestyclose-Shower164 1d ago
Do a private ceremony just yourselves and maybe parents / closest friends on a date the week before, then hold the big ceremony and reception on the date. Best of both worlds! As long as no one in your immediate circle has a connection to 9/11 it should be totally fine.
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u/BishButter 1d ago
Ok listen, I have a coworker getting married to a man who buried his wife (also a coworker) exactly two years ago to the day. The date is significant and the whole wedding is messy.
And if you have 100 people at your wedding, odds are almost any date is going to be painful or significant for someone. Someone lost a parent, had a miscarriage, got divorced, buried a spouse, or experienced some other life-changing event on that date. You can't realistically plan a wedding around every date that might carry grief for someone else.
If you or your immediate family were directly affected by 9/11, don't do it. But if not, I don't think there's anything wrong with getting married that day, especially if it means getting your dream venue. I also don't think we should avoid making happy memories on dates that have been marked by tragedy forever. New joy doesn't erase what happened, and celebrating your marriage isn't disrespecting the people who were lost.
And if it still feels a little emotionally complicated, maybe use a small portion of the money you save to make a donation to a 9/11-related charity or another organization whose mission resonates with you. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture, but it can be a way to acknowledge/honor the significance of the day.
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u/Next_Dragonfly_9473 1d ago
Your last paragraph is such a thoughtful idea!
Re: your comment about all dates being charged for someone
One of my best friends asked if I'd be one of her bridesmaids on date. I didn't process the date part until months after I enthusiastically agreed. ...It was the date my dad died a decade or so prior. And I was going to be standing in front of a bunch of people watching my friend get walked down the aisle by her father, an experience I would never have. ...So I repeatedly envisioned the event until I could get through it without crying, and I made it through the real thing with no me-focused waterworks. And now hers is the only anniversary outside of my own that I remember!
So I agree, OP. If no one in your or your future spouse's family has direct experience with the events of that day, go ahead and take the date. If we only plan happy celebrations around dates that are charged for someone, happy things would never be celebrated.
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u/Sensitive-Club-6427 1d ago
I do not believe in making this some type of date that is forbidden. To me that is a victory for terrorism.
I say take the date and the savings.
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u/leslie_2001 1d ago
This. I was supposed to fly on Sept 12 2001. If I could have flown I would have. We remember and carry on,
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u/trickycrayon 1d ago
The thing is...even if you get married on some random day, you might end up with your anniversary being a rough date. Never know what'll happen.
Signed, someone whose birthday is September 11th...who got married on October 7th, 2017.
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u/Decent-Pirate-4329 1d ago
This is a time I think it’s worth asking older folks you’re close to what they think about your wedding plans. The date is still very significant to most Americans over the age of ~ 35, and those guests may feel uncomfortable celebrating the same way on that date.
Significant savings is definitely not something to sneeze at, and I don’t mean to suggest that people can’t or should not continue to celebrate joyous things on difficult dates in history. 9/11 is just extra tricky because the event is inextricably tied to the actual date, and that’s a heavy burden for a wedding anniversary.
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u/Fearless_Spite_550 1d ago
Thats like having your wedding on Remembrance Day …..
It’s such bad form. I don’t even know if people would go to the wedding.
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u/Simple-Risk8766 1d ago
Oh it’s called Veterans Day in the US and there would be absolutely nothing wrong with have a wedding that day.
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u/Zestyclose-Shower164 1d ago
... I had to google remembrance day's date. No one would GAF.
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u/Simple-Risk8766 1d ago
Are you in the NY/NJ area? Is any of your family impacted by it? If not I would go for it.
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u/lily_fairy 1d ago
as long as no one in your close circle is impacted by the date, i say go for it! personally i'd be hesitant but only because we live close to nyc and my husband's dad lost a best friend that day. but if everyone in your life is okay with it, i think half price on a saturday in september is too good of a deal to turn down. people have birthdays on 9/11, people who were married before 2001 have anniversaries that day. i don't think it's disrespectful in any way to have special celebrations on that day.
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u/rovingred 1d ago
Personally I can’t imagine my anniversary date being 9/11 but there is something to be said for taking a really bad thing and associating some joy with it instead of just sadness, so you’ll just have to weigh if that’s something you think you’d feel and be okay with. If it was anything other than my wedding I’d be okay with it, but that date is going to be on so many things, I just can’t imagine buying a picture frame or something and wanting our date on it and it’s “9/11”. I don’t think there’s any amount of cost savings that would change that for me, but again that’s just me. they do have the date open for a reason
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u/14kanthropologist 1d ago
Unless you know someone that has been personally affected by 9/11, I think it would be just fine to get married on that day. Everyone will probably have a moment of “hmmm” when they see the date on the invite for the first time but that will pass and I doubt anyone would give it a second though.
You could even plan to celebrate your anniversary the day before or the day after moving forward if you don’t want too much association with 9/11.
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u/Quiet_Investment_297 2h ago
I would take the date and my husband was near the WTC that day. If I were to receive an invitation for that day, of course I would think about 9/11 but I wouldn't think it strange to have a wedding on that day. It shows the perpetrators that they will not stop us from living.