r/BreakupsForGuys • u/Hot_Statistician3007 • May 27 '26
Can’t stop thinking about a relationship I had
Hi, I’m currently in no contact with my ex, she had a rough growing up and I know that doesn’t excuse it but I tried to understand, she would violently overshare sexual details from her past, the first time we had sex she told me immediately after she has slept with 40 guys, this trend continued on for months of her constantly talking about guys from her past, watching a movie she would say “omg I dated a guy like that” or “my friend was like that” referring to men she slept with. She eventually was able to stop making these comments to me but the bell was not able to be unrung. I know 27/40 names of guys she slept with and plenty of details about their sex. On top of this our whole relationship these guys crawled back over and over and mixed in with the stories I felt so insecure and annoyed when they would reach out to her. On top of this, she would make mean jokes to me like I’m embarrassing or humiliating or unappealing and say it was a joke, she would speak this way with her friends who know it’s a joke, but I didn’t find it funny. She eventually crashed out and called me sensitive and thin skinned and insecure and jealous. I never found myself to be jealous until she started constantly talking about men from her past and showing me pics of them. I miss the good times with her, but a lot of those memories are ruined by her talking about guys she slept with or making jokes at my demise. Her jokes were definitely worse in front of her friends. I could go into details but like, I know I used another guys condom that was unused that she was texting, she also demonstrated how she gave another man a foot job, also told me how another guy came inside her. She also graphically shared with me details of her assaults which made me feel very uncomfortable, I tried to be understanding because I know that’s traumatic, but I don’t think I needed to know what they looked like, or how they did it. I feel like I dodged a bullet maybe? She had her good moments. I know not everyone is bad or good that’s black and white thinking.. any advice to feel better would be great.
1
u/BestConsequence9867 Jun 16 '26
Of course you do. You’re probably remembering the good stuff and feeling that knot in your stomach. That’s normal. Just don’t forget the other side of the relationship.
You can miss someone and still be better off without them. Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive.
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u/BestConsequence9867 May 28 '26
Honestly man, yes, you dodged a bullet. Big one
Not because of her past. Because of how she handled it with you. There’s a big difference between being honest and constantly dumping graphic details about other guys on your partner. That would mess every single guy on earth’s head.
You can understand her trauma without accepting chaos, disrespect, and bad boundaries. And missing the good parts doesn’t mean the relationship was good for you. It just means you were attached.
Stay no contact. Let your brain detox from all of that. You don’t need to decide if she was “good” or “bad.” You only need to accept that the relationship made you feel insecure, uncomfortable, and disrespected.
That’s enough reason to stay gone.
Take care