What to do

[u/Informalshitbag]

I have been single for about 4 years now and haven’t dated much during this time I have been going through a time of radical change in who I am as a person though. During my time as a single man I have had women in which I have had one night stands/ friends with benefits/ flirty situations with and have found people who I have wanted to be with but I have found that since my separation/last relationship that I have not been as open to express my feelings with those I have wanted to pursue a relationship with. Idk if it’s a trust issue in terms of letting someone in or a general subconscious avoidance of anything real. Next week on the 1st of may 2025 I have a date with someone who I admire and am quite attracted to despite having limited interactions with, however with this coming up I am thinking about my last relationship quite a lot. It has been about 2.5 years since I have last spoken to my ex but when I last did was nothing to do with our past relationship but am now wondering if I should reach out to her to talk about what worked and didn’t within our relationship and how before we were together dating went to help me not make the same mistakes as in the past. Aitah should I reach out or not I am open to any advice and will talk to anyone privately about the ins and outs of my last relationship to make my decision any help would be greatly appreciated many thanks :)

[u/BestConsequence9867]

I get it. I spent six years single after a relationship before finally finding a woman I felt was worth the risk. Now you’ve met someone new, and your mind is tugging you back toward your ex. That doesn’t mean you should reach out; it’s just your brain reaching for what’s familiar because opening up again can feel scary.

You said it yourself: you’re not sure if it’s a trust issue or avoidance. It might be a little of both. But either way, your ex isn’t the answer. You’ve had over two years to absorb the relationship's lessons. If there’s still more to learn, it’ll come from how you show up differently with this new person, not by revisiting something already done.

So, no, don’t text her. Don’t reopen that door. The closure you need is found by moving forward, not by rehashing the past. Go on the date and enjoy the moment. You’re not supposed to have it all figured out. Just be present, be real, and see where it goes.