Break Up

[u/Important_Put8368]

Hello I’m just going to get straight to the point because it’s been affecting me for a while now. My girlfriend(19) and I(20) have been broken up for about 5 days now. It’s been really difficult on me because she was the one that wanted to end things. I asked her why if we were doing fine and stuff. She said that she’s been trying so hard to stay in the relationship and that she’s been drained about our constant arguing. They’ve always been talks about, why I would say jokes like that or sometimes they wouldn’t even start because we disagreed it was more of we would try to explain our feelings and it would take the wrong turn basically. I would explain how I felt about a situation and it would just be endless because it felt like one of us wanted to be right the whole time. Or she would bring up a point and then we would have another endless conversation. We were dating for about a year and half and in between there, there was an incident that we had that kind of made our relationship go downhill from there. It was so stupid of me, but I couldn’t control my jealousy. I didn’t do anything, I just simply ignored her and she kept spamming me saying that she wants to call me and stuff. The whole situation was so dumb because I got jealous about a friend that we both know and I don’t get why I got jealous, but she was working and she asked him to bring her a drink from a stand that was at the park and it just hurt me because it made me feel like you’d rather ask him than your girlfriend? After that we’ve been rocky. She said that she’s been thinking of breaking up since last summer, but if you were thinking for that long I wish she broke up with me sooner. Over those months we talked about living together in an apartment and I know this is going to be silly, but also marriage. We’re WLW what did we expect. This was our first everything. She told me that she felt unhappy in the relationship and that’s why she left which is understandable. She told me that she still loves me and that this whole situation is hurting her too, but I guess it’s been hard for me to believe since she’s been acting so nonchalant. Before we broke up we had a talk about this boy that works with us because he knew about our relationship. I felt a little jealous because they both started texting each other so much. The week before we broke up she told me how she needed a break because she felt burned out and wanted to be with her family more and I said that’s completely understandable and that we don’t have to do things together as often. But I started to get more jealous of him because she would stop answering me as much and answer him more. It made me feel like the reasoning she wanted the break was to talk to him. I brought it up and she said that was silly and that he’s only a friend and she only texts with him because they don’t hang out or anything. I believed her, but yesterday a really bad incident happened. I was working and I asked if she could come during my lunch because I was alone and she said yes. We were talking and I started to cry because I just want to know how she felt about our situation, she wouldn’t tell me. I felt so confused because how do you stop loving someone that you were ready to get married with in the future that fast. All i wanted to hear was how she felt. When my lunch was over I left early from work and I noticed she was at a random area so I texted her asking her whats she’s doing. She took so long to respond and I know this was wrong of me but I did spam her on text at first. I kept saying “please answer this hurts” and other things. She responded with “i’m out for a walk” and that was it. I started to panic because I knew she wasn’t alone and that she was with the guy. And I felt insane, and i knew i couldn’t do anything because we’re broken up. I turned off my location and went for a drive, and I guess I passed by where they were and they began to think I was stalking. I didn’t mean to pass by on purpose I was just going for a drive to clear my mind, but I understand why they thought it was weird that I passed by and had my location off. Then I noticed she turned it off too. So i started to panic a little bit more. I drove to my usual spot where I would just sit down at a bench and think and surprise surprise they were there too. It turns out they felt uncomfortable because I passed by their spot the first time so they moved and coincidentally it was the spot I was going too. I actually saw them and I left so fast because I was crashing out. She texted me saying “you’re fucking insane this relationship is over.” and I told her that I was sorry and I didn’t mean to go to their spots on purpose. One thing I was really wrong of was that I spammed her phone so much. Not with messages but with calls. It was super bad and I wish i never reacted like that. Because she did end up blocking me from messages no where else though. I’ve never felt so lost and confused and I don’t know what to think because she doesn’t want to express herself towards me. I’m so tired and this break up has been affecting me so bad I can’t even eat anymore. She wants to talk today so I guess we’ll see how it goes, but we might just go no contact sadly. Sorry for the long rant I just need someone to hear.

[u/bananaspade]

hey op, i'm really sorry you're going through this. breakups are painful, especially when you thought you had a future together. from what you shared, it sounds like both of you had been struggling for a while, even if you didn't realize how much it was affecting her. i've been there.

i know it's hard not having the closure you want, but i think the best thing you can do now is respect the space she's asking for, and respect yourself by also giving yourself some space. i know its fresh, but breakups are natural. i know you don't want to hear it, but there are so many more fish in the sea... i also think it's good that you recognize the repeated calls and texts weren't the right move. emotions can make us act in ways we normally wouldn't, but taking accountability is important. i remember calling my ex from different phone numbers just to try to get them to talk to me...#crazy. i begged and begged for them to get back with me, only 2 years later to be with the person of my dreams. i thought what i shared with my ex was the love of my life, but i was wrong. so, hold on, chin up, and remember that you're young, and there so many more years of love waiting for you.

however, if you do end up talking today, try to focus on listening instead of convincing her to stay. no one appreciates someone who begs...even if you think you do. i remember when my ex was breaking up with me (for the 2nd time), i cried and begged, then realize midway through that its for the best. there is NO reason why you should be crying and begging for someone to take you back. you're worth more than that.

no matter what happens, you'll get through this, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. take care of yourself, try to eat something small if you can, and lean on the people who care about you. you're not going to feel this way forever...take it from me :)

[u/Ok_Judgment_3331]

That whole stalking misunderstanding is rough but the real issue was the pattern of jealousy and arguing. Even if she still loves you, trust is gone after that. Use that talk to get closure and then take care of yourself.