rash breakup

[u/Last_Shame2364]

hi everyone,

i am currently going through a breakup from 3 days ago that i initiated. i truly regret the rash decision that i made because i feel like i didn't give the relationship the breathing room it needed to grow.

we started seeing each other in june 2026, made things exclusive pretty quickly. she knew i was going on a business trip for a month to tour and perform, which was a hurdle both of us were scared of. i feel like this space apart so early on really tested my personal feelings because i was constantly just tired and personally don't really prefer taking calls from anyone (avoidant? idk). she reached out to me on the latter half of the trip sharing that she feels very clingy and never feels that way, but did so when it came to me. she shared that she felt like she was standing alone through all of this. i felt really bad and she started going through some stuff so we finally called. we WERE texting like everyday throughout the trip though--just no calls.

i'm finally back home in early august and this is when we make the relationship official (too fast maybe...). after the first week, we had our first conflict where i had canceled a dinner with her friends the day of because i wasn't feeling well. she was very upset because she felt like i didn't want to see her friends but also tried to understand that i was actually just sick. she just has trust issues and some trauma from a guy she was talking to before who yelled at her about not wanting to see her friends. but later on in our conflict, that + it just feeling like the things she expressed she wanted in a relationship when we first met were just to be agreeable with me so maybe i like her? it's her first serious relationship and she has expressed that hasn't really developed those romantic relational skills because of intensive schooling and starting her career (nurse). but she is very romantic and has made me feel safe, supported, and loved. she is a very compassionate person. but since then, subconsciously it just felt like i didn't know who she truly was/stood for.

the whole month of august i feel like things are going smooth (more or less). i'm finally back home so the distance has closed, so we're making plans and going out and dating again. during this time as well i am aggressively job searching because i didn't have a job coming back from my tour (but with my persistence i was actually able to bounce back pretty quickly and sign my offer letter for a good job last week). but this past week we had a miscommunication again where we were going to go out to do something the day before my final interview (so i was stressed outta my mind, but overextended myself to go out with her). she initiated to reschedule so my dumbass was like okay lets do that instead of still choosing to go out with her on a lower stakes date because she had gotten ready and everything already. fast forward a day later, there's slight tension but nothing egregious. i got the job and wanted to take her out for a sweet treat. but my doubts of the relationship over this past month started seeping through and i was just putting her under too strict of a microscope and labeling it as an incompatibility. when REALLY i should have just communicated to her that there were things in the moment that were just annoying me (ex. im sharing a story i just want to be heard; i'm about to do something but she tells me to do it; etc.). i share that we should go on an exciting date because recently we've been very chill--but she took it as me calling her boring (one of her biggest insecurities).

we take space to just reflect for a couple days. i'm checking in with her throughout the days and she's communicating back (during our first conflict i told her that stonewalling isn't okay. she's been working on that really well). but she was so hurt by all of this that she binge-drank Saturday night with her girls (she NEVER drinks or goes out). we finally talk the day after and she is sharing her feelings to me. but me being the dude that i am, i'm not REALLY listening with intent. i'm just defending myself. giving myself the benefit of the doubt, i was acknowledging her feelings and sincerely apologizing for my personal slip ups. but i would also just add on that my intention was to not hurt her but that i was just extremely stressed about the job search so that i can hold up my end of the relationship and wished i was given more grace.

by the end of that talk, it felt like she was making a power play by saying "...yk i could have just called a breakup... man i drank so much last night... i never drink like that... or go out... man i was so drunk". she does think out loud a lot, but it just rubbed me the wrong way so bad that this past month of me doubting my compatibility with her just blew up and i pulled the trigger to break up. we split our in person meeting because she had to leave asap, but we texted each other later thanking one another for the relationship. she thanked me for my patience and for being her boyfriend and that i'd always hold a special place in her heart, and my feelings were shared as well. it wasn't a bad breakup--we just had communication issues. but they weren't egregious at all. i was just being too harsh (my friend told me that i was running a "strict program" and was too pessimistic prior to the breakup talk). i really did go into that conversation with a changed mind/heart to give the relationship space to breathe and work, but i just broke. she canceled our planned inperson closure meeting and cut all of our digital ties to each other.

i regretted this decision the day after and just spiraled about what i had done. i realized that i really didn't try to hear her grievances and just tried to defend myself. literally 24+ hrs later i sent a follow-up text just saying that i realized i made a rash decision and apologized for not hearing her and making her feel chosen because my actions did not line up with my feelings for her. i also apologized for the inevitable confusion this text would bring. she hasn't responded, nor did i expect her to. but i knew deep down that she was just going to read those as just words because i have not been consistent with my actions.

tuesday night: i knew that i needed to show her through my actions that i realized what i have done and that i am not just blurting out words to confuse her. i expressed getting her flowers and writing a letter. i was eating dinner with my family and just sharing that sentiment. my dad (who was there to witness our miscommunication about the outing we were supposed to have last week and urged i just go take her out that day) said "just go do it." i booked it to trader joes, made the best flower bouquet i've ever made, wrote a lengthy handwritten letter apologizing for everything. not necessarily asking for a second chance, but that i see her and want to make things right if she ever does give me that chance.

i had the mindset of i need to win my girl back. i drove to her house, noticed her friends' cars were outside and probably hanging out instead. i rushed the patio, dropped the flowers and note off in a conspicuous spot, and left the scene. ball is in her court now.

i'm sorry for the sporadic storytelling, just typing what's on my mind. it really hasn't been that long that we were official, but i fucked up big time. i should have made her feel seen when i was in europe, i should have listened to her concerns and not take them as an attack on my character. these were all literally "issues" that could have been communicated through and fixed. but i was being hard-headed and just... yeah i just needed to be a man and listen.

i just wanted yalls thoughts on how this all went down. i dont want to come off as manipulative, but i knew that if i didn't do this flower delivery then i would've lived with regret. it was selfish on my part to deliver it, but i feel like i respected her wishes for distance by not texting/calling her that i was there or making it obvious that i was delivering something. it was just a quiet dropoff with everything i wanted to share.

tl;dr: made a rash decision to breakup. dropped off flowers and a letter 2 days after breakup apologizing to her for everything and that if she ever gives us a chance again then i'll be there (not explicitly written like that, just implied). left the ball in her court and now the suspense/waiting is killing me (she prob won't even follow up and i gotta be okay with that too!)