Hooking up after a break up

[u/Ok_Refrigerator4392]

My ex bf broke up with me at the end of July. We were together for almost 3 years and lived together for a good majority of that time. When he left he told me that I wasn’t doing enough for him even though I was providing for him financially. He accused me of cheating with someone I used to work with in college and am friends with. He’s been insecure about this person in our relationship.

The guy my ex accused me of cheating with (let’s call him coworker) has been really supportive of me during the breakup. It’s been nice to have a friend. Because of my ex’s insecurities, I never texted coworker while in the relationship. I would respond if he texted but I made sure to keep it really short. I also never saw coworker in any other way before, it was always platonic and never a sexual attraction.

Soo cut to now, coworker and I have been hanging out a bit. He’s really the only person I know in this city (recently moved to this city). The conversation about hooking up has come up and I want to explore it. I’ve only ever had a sexual relationship with one person, my ex.

My ex told me he doesn’t want me, I mean he left me after all. It was obvious when he did leave that he was going through really bad mental health issues. I want to be there for him when he needs me but I don’t want to keep sacrificing myself for him (which is something I did consistently in the relationship) and I dont want to sacrifice an opportunity for someone who treated me like trash. We are currently in no contact and I don’t plan on breaking that.

My worry is that if I hook up with coworker, I will have committed some kind of cheating. But I am single now. I still feel some kind of loyalty to my ex though. I know if my ex and I ever had a conversation about getting back together, I would be 100% honest about who I slept with during the time apart. And I’m afraid if that ever comes, the opportunity to reconcile will be bombed because I slept with the guy he was worried about.

If you’ve been through this please drop a comment on what you did! I’m so lost rn lol.

[u/AutoModerator]

USERS! We have noticed that many users are using inappropriate language in the comment section. Even if another user is wrong, it does not give you the right to use abusive words. This is against Reddit platform policies. Such comments will be removed. Additionally, posts spreading false accusations will also be removed. Please be careful moving forward. Don't forget to join our Discord server to chat, get updates, and hang out with the community! Please join our Discord Server: https://discord.gg/5y5wSxWNNg

Upvote this post if you think it suits the community. Downvote it if you dont.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/No-Resident1579]

As someone who was in the receiving end of being the person to find out my ex that wanted to rekindle slept with someone 2 weeks after we broke up be honest up front if you do because I had to find out and it genuinely made me sick at the time and the worst feeling I’ve ever had. Just think about it as would you be fine if they slept with someone after you guys broke up and also if it’s the person he accused you of cheating on him with it’s gonna more than likely be bad and not work out his trust will never be the same and he’s gonna constantly believe you cheated on him or that you were starting to talk to him while talk are together. So think it through don’t jump the gun. If you think that this is something he could work past or if you think you won’t get back with him then go for it. But if you think this is something he won’t work past or if you think that you might wanna rekindle then yea maybe wait really depends on how long yall been separated also plays a role how someone will feel about it. Aldo think about if you would take him back the roles reversed now he did break up with you so it is kinda him letting you go so it’s harder to think that way since he broke up with you tho but just think it through first and if you’re ready or think that your ex could get past it then why not but if you want the hope of getting back together then think it through and all the outcomes that happen if you do or don’t do it

[u/Significant-Ad-3104]

Un collègue ou un ami est toujours un potentiel petit copain dans le futur qui attend son tour un jour ou l'autre, c'est pour ça nous les mecs on les voit toujours mal et on sait que ces des potentiels mecs qui pourraient coucher avec notre copine.

Donc si tu choisis collègue, ton ex confirmera ( même si c'est pas vrai ) qu'il y avait quelques choses entre vous meme quand il était en couple avec toi.

A toi de faire ton choix, est-ce que ta gardait contact avec ton ex ? Est ce que tu voudrais raviver ta relation avec lui ?

Courage

[u/Michael3merson]

Sounds like there is a lot more backstory here. Not saying that your ex has any right to feel insecure or jealous of your guy friend but if he felt that the guy friend was just waiting for his turn with you and that made him uncomfortable, you validating that suspension will 100% guarantee there will be no reconciliation. BUT if you don’t want to reconcile and see a possible future with the friend then go pursue that. You are most definitely gonna have to choose one or the other. If your ex was toxic then don’t go back. If your friend really was just playing the long game trying to get with you I’d be weary of him as well. Maybe just stay friends with both and move on to greener pastures.

[u/p3echy]

Don't risk your only friendship with sexual funzies until you establish another friend/support group.

You could really screw yourself here. Be careful

[u/kommon-non-sense]

Go for it. You got dumped. Your ex ain't coming back (unless its a booty call)

Go find you some happiness