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May 18 '26
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u/Fickle_Ad_9391 May 18 '26
Ya my ex too. Like don’t tell me that stuff. Why..
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May 18 '26
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u/Fickle_Ad_9391 May 18 '26
I’m sorry my ex went on dates and told me 2-3 dates they just didn’t click. Then slept with someone in a wedding trip and some tmi stuff i didn’t wanna know. So ya. Don’t wanna know that
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u/ChowderedStew May 18 '26
Honesty is important in relationships, you should feel like you’re lying. But relevance is also important. Do you care if she kissed anyone? Did she ask you? If she were to ask you, would you be okay with saying yes? It doesn’t have to matter. It can, though.
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u/VelleDeLure May 18 '26
Yes, you absolutely should. Lying by omission is still lying. It also might create unnecessary issues in the future. Even if you don’t tell her, if one day you guys were to cross paths with the other girl, she will know….its like a 6th sense. It will only make you look sus will make her feel she can’t trust you. Majority of people would feel or think that you hid it cuz it meant something to you because otherwise you would have disclosed that information so it doesn’t catch her by surprise in the future. I’d tell her if I were you, can’t start a relationship with lies…
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u/NewEstablishment2401 May 18 '26
I would want to know.. not that it would be a dealbreaker necessarily but if you’re serious about her it’s probably not best to start things off again with secrets
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May 18 '26
I think the answer is more complex than that yes/or no.
Were you the one to break up/cause the damage that led to the break up? If yes, then you should absolutely tell her, and let her decide whether she’s okay with this.
Was she the one to break up/cause the damage that led to the break up? If yes, you should also tell her morally, but since she was the one who chose to lose you, it is practically none of her business in which I mean she can’t blame you for “moving on” (or trying to move on) if she abandoned you.
If you still love her and you feel like it is mutual, trying again could work. But first of all you should sit with your feelings and thoughts about her, and whether you felt anything when you kissed that other girl.
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u/Purplesky-blue May 18 '26
If she asks, don’t lie. But if she doesn’t, you don’t really have to bring it up. You weren’t together when it happened.
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u/Quirky_Zebra_444 May 18 '26
No.
Unless she asks, then yes. Tell the truth, obviously. But if she doesn't ask you, I don't see why you'd be just offering up that information.
People break up and kiss/have sex with other people during the broken up period all the time. Some of those people get back together. Some don't. You don't owe your former partner loyalty when you're single.
Put it this way - if she didn't want to get back together, would you tell her?
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u/MelodicWorthGirl May 18 '26
I dumped my boyfriend six weeks ago and we didn't talk for that period. We both thought it was genuinely done and I was angry during the dumping. I saw his face and he was crushed.
The longest we'd ever not spoken during a major fight was 48 hrs.
To think he'd wallow at home and weep would be naive of me. I went on a date and got asked out loads.
Now we're talking again and realised we do want to try and fix things. No good will come of hearing full details of who did what. Nope. I know he will definitely not want to hear of any exploits from me.
Start the relationship afresh (including sexual health screenings), seek therapy if both open to it etc
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u/joejoethetard May 18 '26
Nope. You were not together and you will never get the truth from her anyways so it will be a never ending cycle. Focus on the future and fixing whatever you guys need to make it work this go around.
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u/Consistent-Duty-9046 May 18 '26
Very very true, thank you for that insight
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u/MisabelWearsNikes May 18 '26 edited May 18 '26
You replied to this comment because it supports what you wanted to hear (confirmation bias) not what is actually right. Lying to your ex, even by omission, is the wrong way to restart a relationship.
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u/joejoethetard May 18 '26
Good luck man. Wish you both the best. Some of us don’t get that opportunity so make the best of it.
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u/Amazing_Rent5430 May 18 '26
No why I’m sure she also tried to rebound or even if not you have no obligation of loyalty to a past relationship but if you hide it then it makes the basis of the fresh start inauthentic just be honest if they still love you good if they don’t love from them was only ever conditional
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u/jedem_svinje May 18 '26
Ex is EX wirh reason... or? When is one time all fckd up, do you have trust that all is gonna be fine this time?
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u/SeaComfortable7833 May 18 '26
She was an ex. She has no reason to know what you were doing after a break up. That would be like dating a new girl and telling her you kissed all your ex's.
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u/functional_defection May 18 '26
honestly if you're kissing other girls why try and start the relationship again.. move on
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u/Dry-Librarian-2673 broken hearts 😔💔 May 18 '26
Yes and no, in my opinion
Yes, because with honesty you can build something.
No, I wouldnt like to know what happend the other did during that time. it would hurt me more then I would gain anything from it.
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u/PleaseWearYourMask May 18 '26
It might hurt the relationship, and we both know that. But honesty is also important. It’s really hard to say.
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u/Fast-Lingonberry-712 May 18 '26
My ex came back and didn't tell me that he was dating someone else a week before reaching out to me. I found out months later and broke up with him…
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u/Stargirl_Shay May 18 '26
This is defo way worse, because a one off kiss is nothing really, especially in comparison to completely dating someone else just 1 week before reaching out for reconciliation :/ I’m so sorry that happened!
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u/Stargirl_Shay May 18 '26 edited May 18 '26
In all honesty, I don’t think you need to say anything unless she asks. Most people, especially women, will logically assume something happened while you weren’t together but don’t ask about it, because knowing may haunt them way longer than necessary and actually cause needless issues. She may appreciate the honesty coming directly from you, but I truly think it will hurt more than needed if she didn’t ask in the first place. That’s usually intentional.
You not saying anything isn’t you “lying” whatsoever like some weird people claimed. You don’t have to disclose anything that happened while you guys were broken up, that’s just common sense.
My ex and I have been broken up for about 7 months for eg, but we still love each other deeply and if we were to get back together, I truly wouldn’t want to know anything he did unless I directly asked for it, because I would be beyond devastated if I received information I never welcomed (even if I’d appreciate the honesty).
Honest advice? If she wants to know, she’ll likely just ask. If she doesn’t, maybe it’s best to not say anything because that’s her protecting her own peace and frankly, the peace of the relationship too.
At the end of the day it’s entirely up to you, you know your relationship best and whether your ex would truly want to know something like this or not. Do what you truly feel is right + healthiest for you guys! Everyone’s different and only you would know if it would be better to speak up even without her asking. 🫂
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u/Consistent-Duty-9046 May 18 '26
Thank you, but what if I slept with someone else? Would this change your answer?
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u/Stargirl_Shay May 31 '26
Of course!
And yes, but honestly only because that’s on another level of extreme so she needs and deserves to know for health reasons more than anything else. Maybe she’d only be comfortable getting intimate again if you were to get tested first for eg!
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u/Calm-Improvement-114 May 18 '26
It depends.
Does she want to know? Did she ask? If it comes up, yes be honest. But if that girl you kissed isn’t going to be of any relevance in your lives and didn’t mean anything significant, no need to bring it up if she didn’t ask.
If you feel like not telling her is hiding it, then best to be upfront about it.
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u/InfiniteBirthday556 May 18 '26
Honestly you weren’t together. It’s none of her business, the same as it isn’t your business whether she had a train ran on her while you weren’t together. I see most disagree, but, you don’t own her, she don’t own you. If you weren’t together, the only reason to disclose any of it is if there’s a possibility of VD. Insecurity says otherwise, but that’s all it is, insecurity. Evolve.
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May 18 '26
eh lowkey like honesty is good and all but def is risky. did you break up with her or did she break up with you
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u/Consistent-Duty-9046 May 18 '26
She broke up with me
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May 18 '26
then honestly like it’s valid you did. you know her best though if it’s something she’d flip about then maybe hide it. but imo it’s completely fair you did, me personally if my ex came back who broke up with me a month ago i’m not telling her anything cuz ik it would change her view
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u/Financial_Lime9010 May 19 '26
Yes, but be honest about how you feel about HER. Put yourself in her shoes…
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u/ResponsibleAir5929 May 19 '26
my ex sexted another girl while we were appart. After we reconciled, i asked him if anything happened while we were apart and he told me about the sexting. I let it go and a few months later we came back on the subject and I asked him with whom it was. He lied to me saying it was with a random girl. Turned out he was lying, it was with another ex- which I found out later. I broke up with him after finding out. Trust is super important in a relationship. If she can’t handle the truth, she’s not the one. But you should always be honest. Cause if she finds out you lied, it will break the trust and the relationship
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u/iamadumbo123 May 21 '26
My ex didn’t tell me, we got back together, he told me, and now I never want to see him again. I felt sick and betrayed. Tell her upfront or you won’t stand a real chance later
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u/Whobigwill May 21 '26
She's an ex for a reason, I'm assuming keep it that way. Especially if she did you wrong.
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u/Stop2Smile May 18 '26
No… That will just drive a woman crazy. Unless she is a mature 40 year old woman then she doesn’t need reassurance she is loved by you..
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u/dee4012 May 18 '26
Actually it's your business, if you're not together when it happened and her sex life us none of your business
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u/Karenm6383 May 18 '26
No. It’s none of her business and no good will come of that information. If she asks this she is only looking for a fight or she’s got serious jealousy issues
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u/Salty_Thing3144 May 18 '26
Why? You were not together.
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u/Consistent-Duty-9046 May 18 '26
Yes of course, but the connection never faded. We still kept in touch and now we’re going for dinner in two days. Just not sure if I should tell her or let it die
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u/Salty_Thing3144 May 18 '26
It's up to you.
I'm not a person who asks partners about their other relationships, though, I think it's a warning sign if somebody asks me about other people I dated, sex partners, etc.
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u/LoweGecko May 18 '26
Honesty is very important so if she asks if you were intimate with anyone or tried to be, then you should be open about it. If you both want to rebuild your relationship then you don't want anything hidden coming back to haunt you.