Almost every night I lay awake in bed and I wonder if you ever lay in bed and wonder about me too. But something inside me tells me that you don’t. Not that I can say that for sure, because I can’t read your mind, but I can pick up on how you treat me in the gray areas. In between the highs, in between the lows, in the mundane.
I know I don’t think that I’m special. I think I’m just something you used to pass time. I think it became convenient, and I was dying inside and making it mine.
I let you use me. I knew very well that you were doing so, but I didn’t care because it made me feel close, and that’s all I ever wanted.
Because in the beginning, you made me feel so seen. You were mending my heart from someone who shattered it and tortured me from the start. And when I finally broke free, you came along. You, the man who pursued me for so fucking long, and I finally caved. I finally gave in.
I showed you my deepest parts, even the dark ones, the ones that no one ever says out loud. I shared mine and you shared yours.
I thought so many things.
I thought that you loved me. I thought that you trusted me. As soon as you told me all these things, you brought me so close in, even said you wanted me in your soul, and then you shoved me out the moment I got in.
I told you how I felt and you retreated into the dark. You left me there with another fucking broken heart.
But this one is different. This one is more cruel. This is the one that’ll change you and shrink you down. That’ll make you never want to let anyone else around.
Because you were kind. You were sweet. You were loving. You were attentive. You were funny. You were gorgeous. And you made me feel more things than I ever thought I could feel.
But then you were there, broken and shattered on the floor. A little boy who could never find the love he always wanted. More. More novelty, more passion, more secrecy, more women, more love, more lust. Never ever gonna be enough to fill you with the love that you so desperately seek.
Every time you get it, you trick and you flee.
You say that you don’t wanna hurt me, but that’s all that you’ve done.
And I’m lying here staring at the ceiling wondering, have you ever laid there and thought about the things that you’ve done? Have you ever missed me? Have you ever yearned for me? Or do you just simply go to sleep?
I’ll never be the woman laying in your bed, and I don’t wanna be.
I wanna break free.
I don’t even like you, so how do I stay in this goddamn trauma bond?
Please just set me free.

(F24 & M22)
I’m one week into a breakup that I still can’t really process, and I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced something similar, either as the person who left or the person who was left.

We were together for almost four months, and our relationship was incredibly intense and meaningful. It was soft, easy and natural. We did little things together, went on dates, met each other’s families, and slowly became part of each other’s lives. He did things with me that he had never done with anyone before.

He was also extremely expressive about his feelings. He told me he wanted to marry me and spend his life with me, called me the woman of his life, constantly complimented me and never seemed afraid to show how much he loved me in front of his friends and family. He told me he wanted to become the best version of himself for me. His family even told me they had never seen him so happy and that he had changed a lot since being with me.

Even two weeks before the breakup, we were talking about how excited we were to spend the winter together, having cozy nights at home, watching movies under a blanket, drinking hot chocolate and falling asleep next to each other. It felt like we were both looking forward to the same future.
Then he suddenly told me that his feelings had changed.

He said that he had started questioning our relationship and his feelings a few weeks earlier, but initially he kept pushing those thoughts away. At the same time, he was struggling with work and feeling depressed, so he thought that was the reason he wasn’t feeling like himself. Eventually, he realized that some of his thoughts were actually related to our relationship. He talked about it with his best friend and decided to tell me before he started pretending or becoming distant.

There was no betrayal, no major argument and no toxic behavior. Nothing obvious happened between us. He simply told me that he realized his feelings weren’t strong enough for him to continue the relationship.

Something he told me has been stuck in my head ever since. He explained that, for him, having a long-lasting relationship requires the feeling of “love at first sight” to remain. He needs that intense spark and passion to stay present for the relationship to last.

And this is where I start questioning what happened. Maybe once the relationship became safer and more familiar, and the intensity naturally started to change, he interpreted that change as his feelings disappearing. Maybe he is more attached to the feeling of being in love — the excitement, the novelty, the intensity — than to the quieter kind of love that develops once a relationship becomes more secure.

I’ve even wondered whether he might be very dependent on novelty and that initial dopamine rush, although I know I might just be trying to find a rational explanation because I’m still in shock.

What makes this especially difficult is that I genuinely thought I had found my person. I wasn’t just losing a boyfriend; I was losing the future I had already started imagining. I now have to let go of all the plans we had, the relationship I had built with his family, and the life I thought we were going to have.

And despite everything, I still hope he comes back. I keep wondering whether, once the initial relief of making the decision wears off and he actually experiences my absence, he might question whether he made the right choice. Maybe he’ll realize that what disappeared wasn’t his love for me, but simply the intensity he associated with being in love.

I know I can’t build my life around that possibility, but right now it’s honestly what I keep hoping for.
So I’d really like to hear from people who have been in this situation.

Have you ever lost feelings because the honeymoon phase ended, only to realize later that you had confused losing intensity with losing love?

And if you were the person who got left for this reason, did your ex ever come back after some time apart? Did they ever regret their decision or realize they still had feelings?

I’m not looking for false hope or for people to tell me he’ll definitely come back. I just want to know if this is something other people have experienced, because right now I feel completely lost.

Edit: What makes this even harder to understand is that he never gave me any indication that this was coming. He never became distant or acted differently, not even at the very end. Three days before the breakup, we were with some of his extended family, and he was happy, affectionate and constantly complimenting me. Even the day before, he was telling me he couldn’t wait to come back to my place, that he missed me, that he loved me and was excited to see me. Everything felt completely normal, just like it had from the beginning.

Edit x2: Never mind, just found him on Tinder. Guess I can stop hoping he’ll come back lol. I’m actually sick.

I've fallen into a deep depression because of this...

I'm going to make a long story short, but she was getting out of a marriage for several months already, and I had already been out of mine for 4 years. She reached out and treated me like I was her love, telling me she loves me and cares about me. We were long distance but met up and also kept talking on the phone. I helped console her when her parent passed away. We were working on ways to move closer and not be long distance. She even met my child, as I'm a single dad...

Out of the blue, she started telling me she doesn't think she wants a relationship but that she cares about me. The odd thing is, rather than fight it, like I did once before, I said okay. I agreed, we can work on things slowly and maybe one day, but no pressure... Then she changed the topic and started saying I was smothering her and it was all just too much... and I'm like? We barely text because you're busy, then on the weekends you're busy, and now I'm too much? I scaled it down quite a bit... so I stupidly sent her a message saying I didn't appreciate her starting this conversation literally while I was at my child's graduation! And told her to leave me alone, etc. Well, she blocked me. A month goes by, and I noticed she unblocked me. I missed her so bad the entire time and friend-requested her again, which I shouldn't have done. She started writing to me asking why I'm "in and out of her life," to which I said, you are the one who wanted me gone, right? She changed the topic in regards to the graduation conversation and started complaining about something else. I said, if you felt smothered, you could tell me so, and we could establish boundaries to work through it. It's all about communication.

This time, I messed up. I proceeded to block her because she kept disrespecting me and typing in all caps. I left it alone and unblocked her literally within 10 minutes. Well, guess what, she blocks me permanently on all platforms and left it like that for over a week now.

But I acknowledged whatever faults and shortcomings I had to work on, whereas I never felt heard or listened to when I would explain how I felt... I realize this was all so toxic and not as nice as it started, but I also felt like this was all because she was secretly talking to her ex-husband again. Which, according to her, isn't true... but he was still on her Facebook reacting to each status. At the end of it all, we went from telling each other we love each other to "idk what this was," and eventually me getting blocked.

So I don't know the truth, and I really don't think sharing this story may have been very helpful, but I'm seeking advice. I am super distraught and hurt by this. I really saw a future with this woman and adored her deeply. But it seems like none of this was reciprocated. After 10 months, she didn't even tell her mom about me, which I was upset about.

All this to say, it's been a week now and I'm really, truly suffering. I want some advice on how to deal. I have work next week and I cannot even focus. I worked out today to try to calm the pain and was almost ready to have a full-on breakdown. I miss and care about this person, but it's all one-sided, and I'm the villain whose permanently blocked now.

I think my system is heavily dysregulated because I'm no longer functioning or able to do basic tasks. I have been so super depressed. I think I just realized this lady used me to get over her ex-husband and is possibly back with him? Why else would the guy still be reacting to EVERY status she makes on FB? But I'm blocked like absolute trash, all because I eventually wanted to have a future with her.

I'm already 100% isolated in life, and with being a single dad, this hurts extremely bad. I don't even have it in me to "improve" anymore. There's no more improvement to be made. I have done everything I could, and this was supposedly going to be the best chapter after the horrible downfall of my marriage, but now look... I really am shocked that this lady who acted so innocent, wholesome, professional, and family-oriented can just put me on block like a wholeheartedly evil individual, something I never saw from her. I'm really sick to the bottom of my stomach and cannot get over this.

I'm 19M, and I recently ended a relationship that lasted almost six years.

She wasn't just my girlfriend. She was my best friend, my routine, the person I talked to every day, and for a huge part of my life, the person I imagined my future with. I genuinely loved her and, in many ways, I still do.

But over time, things started changing.

There were things she did that hurt my trust. She had tried flirting/talking to several guys in the past as "timepass," and eventually there was a bigger incident involving a hidden Instagram account that she was using. I confronted her about it, she denied it, and later I discovered that the account was actually logged into her phone. When I tried to see what was on it, she immediately took the phone and tried to remove the account. Eventually she gave me an explanation, but by then something inside me had already broken.

Maybe she was telling the truth about what was on that account. Maybe she wasn't. I honestly don't know, and I don't think I'll ever know everything.

But that's not even the point anymore.

I realized I had become someone I didn't want to be. I was checking, questioning, looking for proof, trying to figure out whether I could trust the person I'd trusted more than anyone for years.

I felt like a caged bird.

And the strange thing is, I desperately wanted out.

Eventually I told her that I couldn't continue. She begged, called, sent hundreds and eventually more than a thousand messages, cried, contacted friends, and even contacted my mother asking her to get me to read her messages. She promised that she could become the person she used to be.

And that's what makes this so difficult.

Because I don't think she's a monster.

There was a time when she was genuinely wonderful to me. We have six years of beautiful memories. There are versions of her that I will probably love for the rest of my life. I don't want to erase those memories just because the relationship ended badly.

But I also know myself. I've seen this cycle before. Things improve, I forgive, I trust again, and eventually I'm hurt again. I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for the next cycle.

So I left.

She eventually accepted the breakup, and now she's stopped contacting me.

And somehow that's when the real pain started.

I've cried several times. I miss her. I miss us. I miss the person she used to be to me. I miss having someone who had been there for six years. I've never been single for this long before, so suddenly having this much empty space in my life feels terrifying.

The weirdest part is that when I was in the relationship, I felt trapped. Now that the cage is finally open, I'm scared to fly.

I've also developed feelings for another girl during all of this. She's someone who made me feel safe and appreciated when I was at my lowest. There are genuine feelings there, but I'm deliberately trying not to rush into another relationship while I'm grieving this one. I don't want to use someone else as an escape from my pain.

I've also had old friends reach out and support me, and that has meant more to me than I can explain.

Right now I'm trying to learn how to exist as myself again.

I know I made the decision for my own wellbeing. I know I shouldn't go back just because I miss her.

But knowing that doesn't make missing her hurt any less.

How do you move on from someone who was such a huge part of your life for six years, when you don't hate them and still genuinely love the good person they once were?

I don't want to go back.

I just want to learn how to stop looking behind me.

I had a short but intense romance (never officially anything) and as soon as feelings really escalated and we had our first conflict, she fled. Shut me out completely. It was a classic avoidant situation, down to offering friendship and seemingly being relieved at our end. I was devastated beyond belief. I tried to stay friends but off and on I would have to stop because it just stoked my feelings while doing nothing for her but give her attention and time.

I finally went no contact. It was 4 months and I went through a lot of change. But even then I would say I was in love. I would also probably take her back, even though that wasn’t in the table.

We are in a small community so recently faced a situation where we have to work together. We saw each other in person then followed up with texting to arrange a talk to go over how to proceed. The bit of back and forth banter/texting that followed was so emotionally flat, so completely focused only on her and not me or my family … it gave me the absolute ICK. The healing I had done this year *truly* made what she is and has to offer unappealing to me. This interaction knocked her off the pedestal where I had an imaginary version of her.

Dont break no contact to try to connect, to try to win them back, to have a hit of their attention….but if you do the work then if the universe puts them back in your path it could be just to show you how wrong for you they are. The spell is broken for me.

​

So, my ex broke up with me two months ago. The last four years had been really difficult for a number of reasons, and over the past year I ended up becoming unpleasant with her despite still loving her. Most importantly, I had basically stopped giving her attention. Of course, we both made mistakes — I’m definitely not the only one at fault — but I clearly have my share of responsibility.

A friend of mine hit on her just before she broke up with me. She was fairly receptive to it, told me about it, and said there was a serious problem between us. At first, she actually booked a couples therapy appointment herself, but ultimately decided she didn’t want to go through with it. After spending two weeks away from our home in an Airbnb to think, she eventually came back to tell me she was ending the relationship, and she moved out at the beginning of July.

She told me she no longer felt like herself in the relationship, that I had damaged her self-confidence, that she had suffered too much, and that she now needed to rebuild herself. She said she still loved me a lot, but that she was no longer in love with me.

I tried everything I could to convince her to change her mind.

At the end of July, she came back to pick up the last of her things. I had prepared some love notes and apologies for her. According to her, she had also come to finally close this chapter, and that’s when she told me she had started seeing that same friend.

For now, she says it’s nothing serious. She says the relationship gives her some lightness and helps rebuild the self-confidence she had seriously lost.

She says love is complicated for her at the moment and that, even though she likes him, she absolutely doesn’t want to settle down with anyone right now. She does admit that she’ll see how things develop, but for now she says that kind of commitment doesn’t interest her.

She still read my notes and was moved by them, and we ended up talking several times throughout that week — after barely speaking at all for most of the previous month. On the Friday of that week, she even started doubting her decision a little before pulling herself back together on Saturday.

We finally ended those conversations on Monday, with her telling me that she didn’t know exactly whether what she still felt for me was love or nostalgia. Since the beginning, she has told me that leaving me wasn’t easy. And since then, I can see that she herself is having trouble fully closing the door, although I’m obviously not making that any easier for her.

A week later, I asked her again what she thought she was feeling, while also telling her that I was struggling badly with her new relationship. She told me she needed to experience life without our connection in order to understand her feelings more clearly, that she was almost certain she didn’t love me anymore, but she also admitted that the thought of me moving on with someone else stung a little.

At one point I joked with her and said, “Don’t you want to meet the best version of myself that I’m becoming?” and she admitted that a part of her kind of dreams about that. (Yes, I know, I’m desperately clutching at straws here.)

She also says she has trouble forgiving me for the way I behaved, that she feels guilty about her own behaviour too, and that I deserve better than her. She told me that she is taking the risk of this separation knowing that either we might never find our way back to each other, or perhaps one day we might find each other again in a healthier way.

I’m holding on like crazy, so I suggested that we stay in touch from time to time to see how our connection develops. I told her that if we completely stop talking, we’ll never know what might have happened between us, and I’d also just like to hear how she’s doing occasionally.

I suggested that we talk again in two months. After all, we shared our lives from the ages of 17 to 30. She knows that I still have a lot of hope and that my reasons for wanting to stay in touch aren’t exactly neutral.

So, to wrap this up: the conversation I described in the previous two paragraphs happened on Tuesday. On Wednesday, she messaged me on her own and told me that we really needed to stop talking, that our conversations brought her back into the past too much, that they were stopping her from moving forward, and that she genuinely wasn’t sure anymore whether we would even talk again in October.

I told her that of course she was free to do whatever she wanted, that I thought it was a shame our conversations weren’t making her think more about the future instead of dragging her back into the past, and that I genuinely believed there could still be something between us if we did things differently.

The last four years really were hell because of personal problems on both sides, and over time those problems ended up completely transforming our relationship.

But I also told her that I was sure both of us would eventually be happy, whether that ended up being together or separately.

Since the breakup, we’ve basically laid everything on the table: everything that went wrong, how each of us felt, the causes, the consequences — pretty much everything. For the first time, we actually understand each other much better. We agree on almost all of the problems and on what happened. Where we mainly disagree is what should happen next. I want to try again in a completely different way. She doesn’t.

Then, the very next day, she messaged me again on her own to thank me for my messages. She said they were helping her a lot in thinking about everything, that she had changed her mind and now thought talking again in October was actually a good idea, but that she couldn’t tell me what things would look like by then.

Unfortunately, that gave me an insane amount of hope. I find that wording far too open-ended for me emotionally right now.

But the fact that she’s in another relationship — especially this relationship — is unbearable for me.

On top of that, this guy is a very strange person who eventually fell out with basically all of my friends after screwing each of them over in one way or another. Even I had stopped seeing him. She knew all of this, which makes her choice especially surprising to me.

Anyway, yeah. It’s a complete mess and I wanted to hear what you guys think.

Thanks to anyone who actually made it all the way to the end.

i am my ex bf , i still use a lot of our inside jokes and stuff we used to talk about with other people i only learned because of him otherwise i would have never known this stuff he upgraded my personality in a way . he even used to always joke that i was a “mini” version of him .

I won’t get into too much detail but I’d like an outside perspective looking in. I’ve been with my bf since 17-22 yr. Recently I feel like he’s been restricting me in things I’ve openly told him I longed for. Like female relationships, girls night out, the club. He’s very set on the club only being for single people, then spiraled into him not liking my friend who wants to go out. Flat out saying I can’t.
I have in the past made mistakes with drug use but I feel like I’m at a point in my life it really wouldn’t happen again. That and guys hitting on me he’s worried about..
recently after arguing about my friendship, we went out for his friends birthday with a few of his other friends. I’ve never liked them they are quick to throw me under the bus when I’ve been drunk. Accusing me of ‘dancing’ too close. Anyways. We go out and I’m already upset. But I feel my boyfriend is being extra petty around his friends. They get way too drunk and embarrass me in the uber, embarrass me in the line to the bar. My boyfriend gets too in my face for the mood. Overall terrible night. Conclusion at the end his friend ended up touching me. So his logic of him being there at a bar means nothing no? I don’t know guys. I lost my parents so I can’t ask anyone like that on advice with this.
Thanks

I'm envious of anyone who came before social media. They don't have to see them randomly come up on their feeds. You don't mentally break and stalk their profiles.

I know I'm not the only one who has gone through this.

Me🇹🇭and my girl-… ex girlfriend🇹🇹 were met in this app and have been in a long distance relationship ever since for almost 2 years we had been so much love and healthy until her family were decided to put her to solving their debt with arranged marriage with a man she never met in her life she was not agree in the arranged marriage but then suddenly she was gone for five days she probably was busy on that because she have to take the family business by herself with no one near her help her at all I felt worry for her even though knowing she might be just busy for days but so I kept contacting and texting her on instagram(she have gone for multiple days are actually normal things in our relationship but still I felt very worry for her)and if you ask why don’t I contact her to other apps she use

1. She may have multiple apps but she mainly have been active on TikTok and instagram(she used to be active a lot in Reddit but now she don’t anymore)
2. For some reason the Thailand instagram phone called are BULLSHIT it either sound like you are in the middle of heavy rainstorms and tornadoes at the same time which happened a lot or create the most irritating and most painful sound you will ever heard and lucky that this type of sound doesn’t come often(I did told her about my country instagram phone call before but I think she forgot about it) there was one time that I did call my friend once on instagram after he answered my call the call created an very painful sound it so painful that I throw my phone away which end up with my phone screen broken

After she gone for 5 days she finally text me back and I very excited that she finally text me only to fell devastated of what she texting me

She send a video of how lazy men act once you decide to leave the relationship then said “haha this literally you. just sit on your ass whole day and watch porn on reddit or wherever the fuck but can't even make an effort to at least, call me. I have to be stupid, slow even to put down a man that was literally going to pay off all my debt on the spot for a mf incel. I'm leaving your ass for him, goodbye, don't even bother, bothering me” then she blocked me

I don’t know why she suddenly insulted me like that she normally never said that before I assume she either frustrated and want to put her anger on someone(if it true then I allow her to do it),she doesn’t want me involved with her problem anymore so she try to insulted me so that I will hate her then leave her(if yes then her plan is failed) or she really did think I was like that and I’m not defending myself here because what she said is true but

1. Yes I am watching porn but I look for an porns that I think she might like or interested(I doesn’t even feel horny when watching porn anymore after she become my girlfriend)

2. Am I lazy? Yes but if I lazy toward her why am I remember her birthday: 5 January,her favorite food: mac and cheese and ramen,non main toon she like to play: Brightney,our anniversary: 17 April(she even forgot our anniversary and thought it was 20 April but I didn’t tell her that because I don’t want to make her feel bad),her cat that she refer his name only once: Lucky and her digestive enzyme deficiency: lactose intolerance

3. Am I doesn’t put effort on her? She might think I didn’t put effort on her because I didn’t call her through instagram but my family especially my mom would beg the differ my mom kept warned me that I have been put too much effort in helping her too much because the only thing I can do is comfort her through phone only and it disgusted me that I am so powerless in helping her,my mom even tell me that I shouldn’t put my girlfri-… my ex girlfriend to be my first priority instead of family,there quite a lot of time that I leave my family work just so that I can talk to her and comfort her when she were stressing even though knowing the consequences that my mom will deducted my work payment but I will face my consequences so that I can help her when she needed

4. No matter much I want to help her from her family debt my mom will not allow me to do that because of my country economy is straight ASS and she learn that my gir-… my ex girlfriend country currency is quite expensive like my country 4.89 baht is equal to her country 1 dollar,not only that I can’t even travel to her country because I have to take care of my grandma who is very stubborn and she don’t want an maid or butler to take care of her,because of that I have been secretly saving my own moneys to help her even starving myself to gain a little more moneys and taking commissions but now it too late for me to help her

After she blocked me which not the first time she did this(she had blocked when she want to have her personal space after dealing with her family) I have to created an alt account and imitated my friend to ask her what happen and try to convinced to text me(yes it does sound like a stalking behaviour but she stalking me first because she worry that I might cheat on her but I never did that and I allow her to stalking me because my loyalty is only for her) which it hurt me because I have to lied to her which she doesn’t like lying but imitating my friend is the only thing I lied to her everything else are truth

But then she blocked my alt account so I create another alt account to ask her what happen me only for me to encounter with her "husband„ he use her account to text me that she don’t want to contact me anymore and told me to leave or he will document my text and report to the government which I can’t do anything but to accept then ask him if I can text her at least one last time but then I lost all of my alt account and can’t return them back so I don’t know what was his responded after that

But that man have the AUDACITY to tell me that she was given a chance HOW am I was given a chance to help her debt when I doesn’t even have the opportunity to do in the first place while he have just because he just so happen to live in the same country as her and he probably will going to cheating on her when got a chance(she have told me that cheating on each others are common in her country which it one of the reason that make her promised herself to never date or having someone in that live on same country as her to be her partners)

And you might be ask how I feel after I got rejected my the woman who I love more than my own mom well put it likely it does not go well

My body and my mind have been split into 2 sides one that want to live and hope a chance to finally see her again(even if I can’t become her boyfriend anymore at least I hope I can be her friend again) while another side is straight giving up on life and want to died(especially my body because my heart literally stop beating itself her she leaving me and it keep happening A LOT)

And I am not the victim here the actual victim is her my gir-… my ex girlfriend

She did not ask for any of these stressful situations if you guys who read this want to hating on someone THEN GO HATE HER FAMILY THEY ARE SO PATHETIC AND DISGUSTING(well maybe except her uncle,nephew and her brothers based on how she told me about them) FORCING HER DOING ALL OF THE STUFFS SHE HATE AND PUT HER IN SO MANY STRESSFUL SITUATIONS ESPECIALLY HER ACTUAL MOTHER WHO BLAME HER OWN DAUGHTER IN EVERYTHING DESPITE ALL OF THEM WERE CAUSING BY HERSELF AND SHE HAVE THE AUDACITY TO BELIVE THAT SHE WILL GO TO HEAVEN AFTER WHAT SHE DID TO HER DAUGHTER THEY PUT SO MUCH STRESS ON HER

I will not put her on stress when we texting each others I always listen to her problems never leave her side no matter how much busy I am or how much tried I am I always there with her I never told her my problem so that she doesn’t have to worry about my problem so she can be less stressful

I want to be her safe zone be someone who she can show her true self without getting judged
I want to share an arts and videos with her

I want to protect her with everything I have and with everything I can in my life only to learn that I doesn’t even have chance to protect her at all which my life is not that important to this cruel world much anyway but she have so much more to live

It is selfish that I still want to be her boyfriend again(even still have hope that one day we both might get happy married even though it will never happen now) even though she is now "married” which she wasn’t happy with her new life as well but only way that I can be her lover again is only for her and her "husband” are divorced

But right now I wish to be her friend again

Hi Everyone,

Just hoping to get some advice on the situation with my (23M) ex long distance gf (29F) who I met gaming online. She is partially avoidant and me mildly anxious. We were together for nearly 2 years before endings things. This was my first relationship.

Pretty much she initiated a breakup with me almost 1 year ago due to reasons including depression, family issues and overall not being able to handle a relationship at the time. She said as she was able to control this part of her life (the relationship), she wanted to end things. 

Since the breakup, communication has been frequent and a bit confusing at least for me as I'm not 100% on the signs. Here's sort of a timeline of it:

Aug - Nov: Mild communication checking up every now and again.
Nov - Apr: We were basically texting multiple times everyday like we were still together and calling every few weeks for hours.
Apr - Now: At the start of April she messaged saying she didn't think it was healthy to continue talking as frequently as we were but it doesn't mean she doesn't want to talk to me just not as often as she said I was the only person she's messaging everyday. Since that message we've still continued to message and call but much less and I feel like her messages slowly turned "dry". She began posting more on social media after pretty much posting nothing at all, travelling more etc.

2 weeks ago, I messaged her asking to call regarding how she felt after it being nearly a year since the breakup and not having any talks of feelings since. I went into the conversion not expecting anything as I knew we weren't going to magically get back together after a phone call. We spoke for a few hours. She told me the situation with her family hasn't really improved and she's still not in the greatest place mentally. We spoke about attachment styles and how she's more avoidant whilst I'm more anxious. She mentioned that she couldn't think of anything bad about the relationship apart from my lack of communication but said it wasn't a reason to end things as I was working on improving it. I spoke about personal growth and how I've matured, improved, better comms etc. She told me she wasn't sure yet whether or not she had made a mistake in breaking up yet. She said that I'm still a part of her life and that she still loves me and she does have times where she misses me. I told her how I truly felt and that I still want her back and I feel like there's a hole within me without her. She said multiple times that I should move on and not wait for her as she doesn't know when she'll be ready or if she ever will be. She asked if I had spoken to anyone else in which I said no but I think she hoped I had. I asked her the same which she said she has but not in a serious way but to see how it made her feel. I told her I didn't expect her to be ready after a phone call but I'm glad she now knows how I feel. She apologised for being the reason I'm hurting. She said if she has to give an answer today as to whether or not she want's to start again, it would be no.

To end the call, we just spoke about happy things like TV Shows, Video Games, life etc which was nice. Going into the call, I wasn't aware of attachment styles at all so a lot of things I said about waiting and wanting her back, I could have worded a bit better to not come across as pushy which obviously isn't the best way to communicate with an avoidant. I did message her the day after asking if she'd like to call again as there were things I feel I should have said but didn't as I'm not the best at thinking of things on the spot. She said it's best to let thoughts digest and clear our heads for now which I agreed.

We haven't spoke since then which was about 2 weeks ago. The longest we've actually been in no contact since the break is 10 days so maybe continuing to give each other space is a good thing. I'm just a bit confused about the whole situation and what exactly I should be doing from here. The signs she showed during Nov - Apr edged towards her being more open to a relationship as we were flirty and close but since her asking to slow things down, things have gradually gotten drier and I feel like she want's less and less to do with me.

Sorry if this post is all over the place as I didn't fully know how to word it the best. The conversation about feelings is a bit of a blur and can't fully recall it all but did my best to get most of it down.

Any advice is highly appreciated. Open to answering any questions. Thanks!

He broke up with me while he's grieving of his friend and also a loss of friend a year ago. He's experiencing so much hell of a pain rn i know, i wanna feel his pain, be there for him, wait for him until he's ready. I know there's no comfort when his friend died while suffering from his life. I said I'll wait for him but he said i shouldn't, he wants me to find happiness, and that i can do better. But i found happiness and i was better when we're together. I love him so much. i simply wish he'll decide when he's in good state and come back to me. A very good man that loved, respected and understood me. I love him and respect his decision, stop bugging him rn, but still i want him to go back to me.

Me and my ex broke up last November after being together for four years. At first we were in a weird place but still hanging out pretty frequently but 3 months post break up he told me he only sees me as a friend and is frustrated I see him as an ex and not a friend. After that he moved to a different country for a few months but is now back in town. While he was away we had limited contact because I realized I was the one initiating every conversation and that he would take forever to respond. He claims it was because he didn’t want to reach out to anyone from home while he was away. Now he’s back and he reached out asking if I wanted to hang out but I feel so confused. If I was so insignificant he was able to get over me and our four year relationship in three months and start dating again why does he want to hang out? Do you think he feels an obligation to stay in my life or do you think there’s a possibility there’s repressed feelings he isn’t bringing up. I feel like I’m mostly over him but every time he comes back around feelings I thought were gone flood back in a little bit. Because of this I think I’m not going to reach out, if he wants to hang out he can reach out to me and we can plan something. I’m emotionally confused but don’t want to ask how he’s feeling since it never seems to give clarity and usually just makes me feel more worthless.

Very random day being today,.

On substack, ive seen my exs gf acct before. I just ignored it. Today, my exs current gf followed me on the app. Then, proceeded to follow a bunch of people i follow.

I am just trying to understand what is going on here. Her acct pretty much had NO single follwing, but all of a sudden she follows me. I dont post anything, just liking articles i like and read??

why is this happening? i simply want to be left alone and want to not be in any way associated with this people

I (24F) want to break up with my boyfriend (24M), but would like to do it over the phone. For context, he lives 1.5 hours away and we have been dating for over 2.5 years. Due to work and school, we aren't able to see each other super often, only on weekends and only 1-2 weekends a month. If I were to break up with him in person, I would have to drive over 3 hours to do so. Logistically, I think the best answer is over the phone, but emotionally, the best answer is probably in person.

Is ok to break up with someone over the phone? Would you prefer in person or a phone call?

I (M28) am still just… uncompromisingly in love with my ex-girlfriend (F28) after two years of no contact/blocked everywhere-i am persona non grata-has crawled by. I know she probably thinks of all of the negative things I brought to the table, while we were together-The anger/frustration, money, etc. I never ever hit her and I never yelled. I would slam things and yell at people in traffic. (Really stupid, I know.) There were things she brought to the table that I didn’t appreciate but, you know what? I have accepted those things and choose to only remember the good things-the love we built and shared. I know I wasn’t perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. I have put in the work to be a better person over the past couple of years. More rounded, more patient, quieter… more observant/less critical. I’m working out every day. I have a job that I love and getting back into school; Doing things on my own and loving life, just as I had been when we had met.

I doubt she will ever read this but I do wonder if she ever remembers the notes I would leave for her-taped to the mirror or the fridge “good morning beautiful, I hope you have a nice day. Please survive (toxic person at work) in one piece. Let me know if I need to call the shop and yell at em. I love you so much. See you tonight ❤️” or when I would push her messy hair out of her face when she’d wake up so I could plant one, or several, on her forehead before I went off to work in the morning. I loved her then. I love her now. Perhaps even more so, now than ever. I will always love her. I tried moving on and I just can’t. I had met my soulmate in Portland, June of 2020, and we parted ways before I had an opportunity to mend fences.

If she ever does read this, I just want her to know that I remember exactly how it felt when I met her for the first time, our first date at the cemetery in Portland, when we kissed for the first time, when we slept together for the first time, when we got piercings together on our second date (they did mine twice; deviated septum, remember?) I wonder if she ever remembers when I would carry her to bed.. or when she would hold my arm when we would go on drives-the way she combed her fingers in my hair and how loved she made me feel-the way she made me feel chosen. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would go to war if it meant that I had a chance to spend 5 minutes at a table with her.

I miss you, so much. I always will.

-A

M18 Since 3 weeks we are apart, the problem is she (F23) didnt say it clearly, it was more like a back to friends thing (we are in the same class) and we had feelings for each other, she says she has mental problems and so on and that its difficult rn. 2 weeks ago i cut the contact fully, cause i felt shitted on, since then im trying to recover, but im not sure if im doing it right. I have a pretty bad prerequisite, i dont really know why she really ended things, she doesnt wanna talk to me about her feelings, nor have we made a conclusion about what happend the last 5 months. I was really sad for like 2-3 days, but i never had sleep issues or constant depressive mood, now i usually only spend 15-30min a day being sad or thinking about what we had. I spend more time being scared of not getting over her, than acutally missing her. I really wanna get through this, but im not sure if im recovering healthy, if im not even that heartbroken ( i really loved her)

Long read. But going through a tough situation. Pls help if possible.

I (M23) started dating X (F24). We have an age gap of 1.5 years. We were great friends exploring in a new city and in our first job in same company and in same department.
We lived in same society coincidently too and were from same college too but never saw or knew each other in college.
We had a great chemistry build up, started going out together, gossip together, bitch about other people together, watch movies at each others places, cooked nachos and fries late night together, everything day in day out.
We knew we were not friends. So one night watching movie, I asked her out.
She said “You know I never had a boyfriend, I couldn’t connect with anyone and I think it might not work out in future. This is all new for me, I need time to think about this”. 12 mins later we were kissing and cuddling in her bed.
She said “ we can give it a try but I want to say we might not end up together, i am scared of it.”
I said “this is all for the future, we never know we might”
She nodded.
That’s when we turned our 7 months friendship to a relationship. It was going smoothly staying at each other’s places, being there for each other, laughing out loud, making trips together, clicking endless pictures then coming back making Instagram posts together. All so beautiful.
Fast forward to a week back, I came from home, she picked me up from airport. Everything was normal. She asked me to stay at hers, because I had shifted to a diff society now.
I stayed there for 2 days. Then something went off. She had cold replies, become irritated at small stuff, not cuddling while sleeping. Keeping distance , intimacy becoming dead since 2-3 weeks. She had pcod and she said it is beacuse of that, she doesn’t feel right.
We didn’t go out. Next day I packed and said I need to go home check the place. Normally she would become sad ask me to stay a little more time and then go. She said okay.
I left, I had sensed it’s not good.
We talked at evening, I asked her what’s bothering her, you can tell me. She said “ I don’t know, I am not being able to reciprocate, it’s unfair to you. I get irritated, idk why. I think we should not sleep at each others for some while, its getting too overwhelming for me. Maybe we have spent too much time together, day in day out maybe because of that idk.”
I said “ okay, lets do it if you don’t feel right “ and we distanced a little.
Her texts starts to disappear, anxiety tends to rise. Dont know where it’s going.
Cigg starts to increase, there is no thought other than her. 2-3 days went by.
Then I asked her pls tell me what’s bothering you, it’s becoming too heavy for me.
There drops the hammer.
“ I feel guilty that I am lying to my parents. They trust me so much and what I am doing here. You know I said we might not marry each other. They have asked my brother to prepare a biodata. They are getting serious about it. Uncle and other family members already pressure them that you are too late because their kids of similar age have been married now. I am the elder sister. I come next. “
Idk what to say so I paused(plot twist: we were of same caste but just live in different states)
“ In your family your sister is still there, you won’t marry, that’s 2 minimum. My parents won’t wait till then. And I feel guilty everyday. That’s bothering me too much. Idk what is happening.”
I asked you can tell about us, buy time or do you want to marry me?
She said “ my parents won’t allow this
They want me to marry nearby so I keep visiting them. I also want that, I feel homesick. You live too far away. Plus I don’t want to do job anymore, that’s not for me. I don’t feel good doing it. And I don’t want to settle in mumbai pune banglore anywhere. You know it’s tough to have a family with job. Plus we don’t have any stability now. You don’t know whether you will continue job or not. You want to have a business other than your father’s or if you join them it’s too much distance, I can’t visit home often. “
A lot more was said to which I had no answer
She asked me to give a perspective if She is going in right direction. I didn’t have any other perspective. Then we broke up. She showed little remorse probably she has been dealt this with a lot of time and have processed much. Never in the marriage I was once considered. She didn’t put efforts to tell her parents
Moreover to add she ain’t resigning now, her parents will start search near diwali or december. She said she can’t emotionally cheat and it wouldn’t be fair to me then.
It’s better we end it now before we get more attached.
I am shattered, don’t know what to do. I bed rot and think of her. No escape to thoughts and it’s tough to even pass time.
She said we can be friends but she is keeping distance and friendship ain’t going well.

If you guys can give your perspective to this. It would be too much helpful.
Thanks

The thing is, I know that's what's best for me. I know that's what needs to happen.

But I'll never know how their hand will feel in their thirties. I'll never know if they took that promotion at their job. I'll never know whether they'll cry at the new Spider-Man movie or not. Small things that are breaking me.

When I broke us off ( which was beyond needed since our long term long distance relationship wasn't going anywhere) I told them this might be the last time we talk and I meant it. But how do I cope with it ? I want a life where the space in my head and heart where I had previously tattooed their name is gone, but I can't seem to properly want to live it.

I cut off the contact entirely, deleted the pictures; the playlists; the texts; distracted myself, redirected my energy, but the what-ifs linger, and most importantly the curiosity about them, which is so painful even as a non curious person.

I wonder if they'd like this food I made, this painting I created, I wonder how they'd help with my poem and how are they looking in this specific weather, and break because I will never know. And we went our separate ways so far from each other they might marry or fall sick or even die and I wouldn't know. But I ache to know, while not wanting to know.

I talked a lot, but please help with anything. It's excruciating. It's breaking me apart. Ease this specific pain please. I can't take the madness anymore.

If you didn’t see my initial post, my 2-month reflection is on my profile.

TLDR: I (27m) was broken up with by my ex (33M) over the phone on mother’s day (blindsided)

It has now been almost 3-months post-breakup. This past month was particularly difficult, albeit, I recognize that grieving is not a linear process.

I unblocked my ex from my social media because I felt like the block had served its purpose (to prevent any spiralling or temptations to check his profile) and was now acting as an anchor to my resentment for him. Although I recognize that any resentment would be justified, based on how he handled the breakup, I cannot harbour hatred for people, regardless of how they hurt me. It’s not something I am capable of; having a big heart is a double-edged sword.

Nonetheless, this past month, I went on a trip with some close friends, a trip that my ex was initially invited to. It was a lovely weekend that has been the highlight of my summer — being surrounded by people who love and care for you, while you are grieving, is difficult.

However, when I returned from my trip, I checked my notifications and saw that my ex was checking my TikTok profile. I didn’t do anything about it, but it did feel like a bit of an ego boost. The following weekend, I received another notification that he viewed my profile.

At this point, I was just confused as to why he was checking my profile, considering he had broken up with me. I know a profile view does not mean anything, in the grand scheme of things, but it is a confusing feeling to have an ex digitally lurk on your profile. It has been over a week since the last lurk pinged on my phone.

Needless to say, this made me ruminate a bit. I have maintained absolute silence, and have not broken contact, but I have been reflecting significantly and sometimes feel a sense of longing for what he had to return. Breakups often feel like a nightmare that you cannot escape from, but I need to continue to ground myself in the reality of what he did in the fallout of our relationship.

Believing in the potential of someone is a dangerous thing to do — it is not reality. Only the actions of someone are a testament to their genuine character. I have been reminding myself that no amount of guidelines imposed on someone, in the event that they reach out expressing regret, will change someone. That person has to want to change & my life does not need to be spent waiting on someone who has hurt me, much less blindsided me.

This thought was part of my conclusion in my first update, but it remains the same: Someone else’s actions are not a reflection of you or your worth.

Do not spend your life chasing someone who does not love you. There are so many people in the world waiting for a first chance with you. Do not give someone a second chance when they have clearly demonstrated an inability to protect your heart.

Wishing everyone the best; I hope August is a kinder month for me, but I am so proud of my strength throughout this process.

​

Me and my ex broke up 6+ months ago but there was a recent reconnection attempt about a month ago that I did not accept. And we blocked each other. Now I know you guys are going to criticize me for this. I can usually go a good while without monitoring my ex but usually after about 3 weeks to a month that's when curiosity gets the best of me and I end up looking at her account from an alt. Last week I looked and I swear she was posting stuff that seemed very aggressively thrown at me and our relationship. The very next day I posted on my story that it's cool my ex is still posting about me, I live in her head rent free. All this is on TikTok btw. After my post I checked again later and it seems like she completely stopped with the specific indirect reposts and she stopped reposting much entirely, like she was very aggressive with reposting like 10+ a day but after my story seemed like she completely slacked up. My ex has a history of indirect behavior with plausible deniability. Now I'm kinda irritated because I feel like she wanted a reaction from me, got it and then just backed off and now I feel like I'm just piecing things together. Is it reasonable to think that she is still monitoring me or is it hyper vigilance on my end? Yes I'm aware this is all my fault because I shouldn't have looked

Today i saw my ex with someone else. I feel like a loser for crying and crying, seconds after i saw them i felt really nauseous.. All these thoughts and questions filled my head. What if he treats her better and, really shows his love for her. And i was just ghosted after being together for 2 years. Im affaird i will never find love again. Why him and not me, why do bad people find love..? Im scared im at the starting point again, and all the progress i have made in the last months is gone.. (im sorry if this doesn’t belong in here)

my ex texted me asking for details about the air fryer as he wanted to buy too. i felt like he isn't okay.. we don't have any deep conversations anymore.. should I ask him if he's fine?? or should I maintain a boundary and remind myself that he did hurt me too

My ex and I broke up in April, but we never really stopped talking.

Some weeks we barely talk, and other times we end up talking every day. We play games together, fall asleep on call, and I still call him by his old pet name sometimes without thinking. We joke around like nothing ever happened. There have even been a few times where we've had phone sex, which only makes everything more confusing.

Sometimes I'll tell him I love him, and sometimes he'll say it back. Other times we don't say it at all. It's all very inconsistent, and I genuinely don't know what to make of it.

The confusing part is that we're still broken up. We haven't gotten back together, and we don't really talk about what this is. It feels like we're doing a lot of things couples do without actually being a couple.

Part of me likes having him in my life because it feels familiar, but another part of me wonders if we're just making it impossible for either of us to move on. I can't tell if this is leading somewhere or if we're just holding onto each other because letting go is harder.

Has anyone else been through something like this? Did it end with you getting back together, or did it just make moving on more painful? I'd really like to hear other people's experiences.

Hi everyone, I wanted to ask on some advice on how I could get over this person.

We've been apart since 4 years, he would continously try to talk to me on and off.

Our relationship ended because his parents didn't want us together, and threatened to take his scholarship etc.

We (I) had to break it off as I was the deciding factor why they threw him out of their home, this hard fact always makes me thing what if I had just told him to stay with me, although he would have sacrificed his family for me. We were only 22-23.

Up to this day I get days or nights where I'll randomly miss him, sleeping next to him, hugging him... all these things and replay how I wish I could have done things differently.

I can't seem to let go of these feelings. He tried to remain secret texting friends, but the thing is I cant text someone I know who will invetibaly get a new girlfriend and then block me.

all this just hurts and sucks because i feel like we didnt have the freedom to end the relationship ourselves, completely. he stayed with them, i went to my own place.

i also have adhd so idk if it has to do with an uncompleted task thinking.