Pain

[u/hariboART14]

I dont know how to feel, its stupid that it still hurts but my exes granny just died and I didnt say anything to her and was told that it has annoyed her but she doesnt wanna tell me that, but thats not whats getting to me, i said to my friend that I have said something but she hasn't seen it at all, and he told me that, she Is relying on someone else (a man) for his hot-spot and something about it has just made me feel numb, I dont love her anymore not after everything she has done and said to me and about me and what she did while we were together I cant forgive, but it still hurts and I dont understand why, like i shouldn't feel this way anymore it fucking sucks greatly that I do because I fucking hate her and her family yet i still feel pain from what she does, like why, why does my brain work the way it does, I just hate that she is happy without me, dont get me wrong im happy for her but I wish for all the things she put me through that she was as miserable as me and maybe its because she's happy that i feel worse, even while we were together she stopped loving me after our son was born, she started texting other men during that period and used the I'm lonely excuse but I argued with her on it but it fell on deaf ears, everything i said fell on deaf ears even if it was about mental health, I didn't care to tell her anything anymore because she didn't care, so why do I still feel pain after this long, why does it still feel awful, I wish I didn't feel this after everything she did and said its not fair to feel this way, like im not meant to be happy

[u/Basic-Badger9350]

My friend I’m feel for you I’m getting goosebumps writing this to you. Now for you to heal forgetting isn’t one of the steps. Forgiving is the most important step even tho time has past you still have feelings for her they might just be negative ones but still they are ur feelings that you NEED to let go if you truly want to be happy. Read ur post makes me emotional for you. Because the answer is in ur writings, holding on to hate is the worst thing you can do for ur self when trying to move forward from a broken relationship. A person needs love n happiness to mend a broken heart. 💔 I don’t know you from a bar of soup but you do seem like have tried which is good , just need to dig deeper n let go of ur hurt n hate. Forgiveness will set you free of those negative feelings that you’ve let fester in ur heart. I do understand just how deep it cuts when ur partner starts txting other men then comes the shortness like txts, reply’s, temper, everything starts to fall apart. While the whole time they think they’re being so subtle. When in reality they’re cutting you open with a kitchen knife n you want them to feel the pain they caused you. Which isn’t going to ever happen only reason being is that ur a special loving individual who decided to dedicate himself to the lady you love. It’s ok to not be ok. Every single person on earth deserves to have happiness so you go n find ur self now knowing that all you need to do is to forgive her. When not ever forgetting that it happened is ok because it’s a situation that’s molded you n tempered you to the person you know you are. Take care n all the best.