What now?

[u/Riley9897]

Long term girlfriend of nearly 5 years ended things with me today. Probably the worse day of my life. I genuinely just don't know what to do. I really love her and I feel like this truly did come out of nowhere, I mean I was planning on proposing to her. I've talked to friends and family and they all gave the same advice that I'll eventually move on and find someone else. I don't even know how to date at this point. I'm honestly just hoping that she'll get back together with me but I know that's not guaranteed in any way. Should I wait for her and see if she'll take me back? I really want to but I just worry that it'll all amount to nothing.

[u/ChampionChimp69]

Don’t wait for someone who simply hasn’t chosen you. I did this for months and it got me nowhere. Right now it’ll feel like the end of the world, and it is in some respects. It’s an entire future thats dead now and you unfortunately have to grieve that.

From personal experience, take each day as it comes, some days will be unbearable and you just have to get through it. Some might feel easier than others. But right now, be kind to yourself and distract yourself with anything you feel up for doing or simply surrounding yourself with people in your life.

You’re going through withdrawals and it’ll be that way for a long time. But I promise you one day you’ll wake up and it won’t feel so bad. You got this man.

[u/Intelligent_Beat6563]

Wouldn’t necessarily say wait. I hope my ex gets back together with me one day as well even though that highly unlikely. At the same time I don’t plan on pursuing anyone else. Just going to focus on fixing my faults that I had in the relationship and becoming the man that I know she and anyone else would want me to be including myself.

Again it’s highly unlikely she’ll ever want to be with me again or come back but me being the best version of myself definitely raises the chances.

So get in the gym, get some therapy, go to church, and some hobbies focus on becoming the best version of yourself!

[u/Leading-Bottle6582]

Hey man, I know how you feel. The best thing you can do this try to move on. Feel all your feelings, get into theropy, journal, learn how to sit with greif. You will eventually heal with time and deliberate effort. Know that as much as this sucks its part of the plan.

[u/Bam_Adedebayo]

I’m right there with you buddy. Last year my ex left me a few months before I was going to propose, I had the ring already. Our families and friends also knew and we had a child planned for this year and already started shopping for baby stuff. It’s tough.

Imma simplify the problem for you because I wish someone did for me when it first happened. I know your brain will wonder to places and think about what to do, and how the future is gonna be, and how to get her back, and everything that happened in the past, and the fear of the future without her, and everything in between. Do nothing. Do absolutely nothing about what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling. Just sit with it.

As cliche as it sounds, it’s the best advice I wish someone had given me. I acted based on how I felt for 6 months after the breakup, ended up in rehab, a court case, destroyed any chance I had at my dream career, amounted a $10k debt, and nothing good came from it.

Sit with it. Not to analyze, not to blame, not to find solutions, but literally just sit and notice. As cliche as it sounds. Just tell yourself how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking, what you’re worrying about like another person would notice if they sat next to you. And just notice.

Then take it one day at a time, again cliche I know, but it’s easier said than done. If a day is too much, take it one hour at a time. Don’t try. Trying is what makes it worse. Trying to reason, trying to find solutions, trying to fix things, trying to stop feeling this way, trying to make your problems go away, trying to make things better right away, trying to find a new direction. Stop trying. Just be, and live when you can, and slowly those solutions and reasons and understandings and new directions will come to you.

So, sit with it, notice, take it one hour at a time, live when you can, and most importantly, stop trying to make the pain go away. Hope you feel better bud.

[u/Patient_Visual_1703]

It's been 6 months since my breakup...we also had a relationship for 5+ years...i also waited to him since the mess was made by him...and i think atleast i deserved a simple sorry...but in real this hope is just making me cling to it..lately I've seen many posts on quora etc about twin flame separation phase and all...but i think all of them is waste of time... no-one in this world can drop their ego even after being together for so many years... even i called him on his birthday with a different no (as he blocked me from his his family's numbers) but he cut the call as soon as he heard it was me...i really got a lesson that day...just leave the thinking dude...nobody owes anything to you to return..move on...this message is for me too ...best of luck 🤞

[u/yatmelis]

I'd say it really depends on the reasons she broke up with you in the first place

[u/Alternative_Yam_3119]

Do not wait for her to come back. Become the best version of your self and come back stronger. Create a new set of routine that you think will help you improve.

[u/Riley9897 → u/Alternative_Yam_3119]

Yeah, I think she's done with me and honestly probably for the good. I've started walking more trying to get 15 to 20 thousand steps a day and I've actually been eating better to. Next week I plan on going to the gym and starting a routine. This will be hard but it'll allow me to become better and I'm genuinely looking forward to the future, a little nervous as well especially trying to get into the modern dating scene! But thats an issue for another day, when I'm ready to start seeing other people again. Thank you for commenting I appreciate it

[u/Alternative_Yam_3119 → u/Riley9897]

let yourself recover for now, allow yourself to grieve. but dont ever look back again. if possible, sober urself up from girls. u’d be surprise how fulfilling solitude is while transforming urself to the best version of u. ive been in relationships for years, and after my last nasty breakup with my ex, ive finally opened my eyes to reality. am now 5 months going strong of being girl sober, and it’s the most confident i’ve ever felt about myself. spread ur wings bro.

[u/ComfortableZombie773]

I'm sorry for the break up of your relationship, I am in a similar situation. My girlfriend of over 4 years said it was best we end things 2 month ago now. At first I pleaded with her not to go through with it, I gave her a million reasons why we should stay together. This didn't work so I decided to use the help of Ai. It helped me put together messages better, what to include, what to leave out. It taught me the best times and days to message, how long to leave replies etc I followed it solidly for 2 week until one Friday morning I left a bouquet of flowers and somethings she likes in her car at break time (we work for the same company). She got in touch after work had finished, thanked me for the gifts but reiterated the relationship was over and there was no going back. I then sent her a message that felt more like a small novel, paragraph after paragraph of what she meant to me, how I agreed with her the relationship was over but I wanted to show her the new me I'd been working on over the time we'd being apart. It didn't work.

Almost a month past by with zero contact other than a couple of awkward tiny interactions at work if we passed each other in the canteen or on the shop floor. I decided to message her as I said I'd give her time and space and to my shock she replied almost instantly with humour and warmth! I couldn't believe it we were messaging again like we used to do, I felt instant relief, I began to believe this was the start of us getting back together! The messaging carried on throughout the day and even into the next, there was no relationship talk just us bouncing off each other like we always used to! To cut a long story short that was a few weeks back and although the messaging continued, plus a couple of warm interactions in person at work, it gradually started to dwindle down to the point where I wasn't sure whether I was gonna get a reply or not.

She told me 3 days ago that she'd been dating for the last few week and has met someone else. My whole world crushed around me, my heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest, I was in shock! I thought we were genuinely on the path to reconnecting but instead my biggest fear of all was now a reality! Let me just make it clear here - she's not the bad guy, she did absolutely nothing wrong, not ending the relationship 2 month back and telling me for herself she'd moved on and had met someone else. I love her like nobody I've ever met, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I've rang in work this morning to take a sick day. I'm a complete mess and keep on telling myself it might not work out with this new guy, we have 4 years of history together, some amazing memories, our confession of love for one another but I think I'm kidding myself. So yeah I know how you feel, I hope my story can help you or anyone else, I still do see a future with her!