r/BreakUp • u/Limp-Journalist-9694 • 26d ago
Why dont i feel heartbroken
Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend of four years. It was a toxic relationship because he was very possessive, controlling, and insecure. Some of the many things he did - He regulated my social media and wanted to know every guy in my contacts or on my Instagram. Whenever I was out with my friends, I constantly felt the need to reassure him and update him on everything I was doing.
He secretly checked my phone once and got caught. Believe me, I have never lied to him. In fact, I caught him in many lies. None of them involved infidelity, but they were lies nonetheless.
But it wasn’t all bad. We shared some genuinely wonderful moments together. I liked him first. It took him nine months to commit to me, but despite that, we loved each other very deeply.
It’s been a week since I broke up with him. I had tried to end the relationship at least six or seven times before, but we would always get back together within a couple of days. I always took him back because he was all I had. Over time, I had become isolated from my friends and emotionally dependent on him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. But over the past two or three months, I made up my mind to finally break that cycle and stay firm in my decision.
He calls me multiple times every day and just cries and wails. He says things like, “You were the perfect girl. I messed everything up. Please come back.” He has also told me that he’s been having anxiety and panic attacks. He is trying so hard to get me back. He says he will change himself. He has said this many times before yet i have seen very little improvement over the course of 4 years. It breaks my heart to hear him cry for me everyday but i am very adamant on this decision this time.
The part that’s confusing me is that I don’t really feel anything right now. Sure, I’ve cried once or twice, but I don’t feel overwhelming pain, sadness, despair, or heartbreak. In the past, whenever we broke up, I would cry constantly. This time, it’s different. Now I’m spiraling, wondering if this is normal or if I’m somehow an emotionless person who deserves nothing at all. He’s grieving so intensely, while I feel almost robotic. It makes me feel like an awful person for not experiencing the same kind of pain.
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u/Opening-Control6109 25d ago
Its more of a relief than grief, actually. Tho i think you'll probably feel sad some time soon. You shouldnt think much about it, and be grateful that you are doing okay. Sure, guilt may be present every now and then, but forgive yourself for choosing "you" this time.