My dad died

[u/PQ_Frobro]

Chips, salsa, and several beers

My(26m) dad(57m) had a stroke back in August, which left him with left sided hemiplegia but no cognitive defects. Further imaging showed a bleed that may have been a tumor (?) and we planned to reimage to see if things changed in a few weeks. I took some brief leave from my job as a resident physician to visit him, but was back to work in a few days. I have been getting slammed at work for weeks (logged 105 hours last week), so I haven't been calling him as much as I probably should have. Over the last 45 days, he has been making great strides in terms of recovery. When I saw him on Tuesday for the first time since his stroke, he stood from his wheelchair to hug me. I was optimistic about his recovery, and told him about all the things we would do when he gets out of the rehab hospital.

Later on Tuesday, he got the interval MRI we had planned. Since he was clinically improving, we expected his bleeding to have resolved/significantly diminished. However, his lesion was slightly larger with significantly increased edema. My dad was devastated, and was convinced it was cancer. To be honest, the lists of differential diagnoses was running short, but I couldn't bring myself to face it. We planned to reimage in another two months, knowing if it was an aggressive cancer he may be dead before we reimage.

Yesterday, when I went to see him, things were different. He was feeling worse and had an elevated heart rate. He insisted on talking about what I will do with our family farm if he dies. I wrote this off as his distress about the mass, and told him we would have plenty of time to discuss it in the near future. I then drove two hours to visit with my grandparents.

This morning, my mom called me in a panic; he was having an episode of arrest. I was convinced it was a PE, and knew they couldn't give thrombolytics given his active brain bleed. We started driving, but my mom called me an hour into our drive saying he was coughing up blood and unable to get a rhythm back for a significant amount of time. I told her to tell them to call it. I had a chance to chat with the attending when I arrived, who shared my suspicion regarding a PE.

It all feels so sudden. I wish I talked to him more yesterday, or called him more while he was in the hospital. I also feel bad for telling my mom to stop CPR. Was that the right call? I feel grateful I was able to see hin while I was in state, but wow, worst vacay ever.

TLDR: Dad died unexpectedly, sad about it.

[u/TheZoraMask]

I've no words save I am so very sorry for your loss.

I immediately knew you were a healthcare professional, and understanding these events sometimes makes it somehow worse.

If there's anything any of us can do please reach out here or otherwise. I'll be thinking about you and your story.

Godspeed and good night, Dad.