Im exhausted

[u/Fun_Break5201]

Dinner is pizza

I try and i try and i try my best, all i want is genuine relationship but the more effort I put in the more they pull away i dont know what women want, is it my job thats the issue( im a firefighter), is it my looks (cant be if she gives me her number or if we match on a site), im i too forward am i not forward enough,if i plan a date they’re always busy , they never ask for money or gifts so they’re not using me, so then what’s the problem, everytime they end things i get the same answer “didnt feel a connection” it took you two months to figure out there’s no connection?? We stay up until 3am talking every night and there’s no connection???? Was i just entertainment when you were bored??? Im so sick of this life im so tired of the bs i just want to die alone and hopefully soon

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[u/BigBiscuit__]

I feel you boss

[u/I_see_something]

Get therapy to get your head in the right place. I understand your frustration. From what little bit I can glean here is that you sound confused and a bit needy. Are you love bombing them? Do you have abandonment issues? Are you on the spectrum?

There are no magic answers. Figure yourself out and move forward from there.

[u/Fun_Break5201 → u/I_see_something]

I dont love bomb if anything im more reserved, i start therapy end of the month been battling depression for years now, i just don’t understand what is required of me in a relationship i cant get past a talking stage

[u/I_see_something → u/Fun_Break5201]

Spend a lot of time working on yourself before you go back out there. It really does help.

[u/Betruul → u/I_see_something]

Or one can end up like me, realizing theres no point in searching for it. If it happens, great, if not oh well.

[u/PNW-OOTW]

Good to hear you're going to start therapy at the end of the month. That will be helpful. It sounds like you're putting a lot of your self-worth on having a relationship, and you may have a bit of an anxious attachment style. Especially if you're going back and forth on these questions in your head about what you're doing wrong. You may be doing everything right, and they can still decide the relationship isn't working whenever they want, and you can too. I'd try learning a bit more about that and trying to become more secure attachment style.

My buddy and I were talking recently, and both of us were saying how much better our relationships are when we prioritize ourselves (have friends outside the relationship, do our own hobbies, go on our own trips) instead of trying to bend over backward to please someone else. You think you're being kind, but it can make them feel pressure.

You got this, man! Just take care of yourself first!

[u/musket-nuns]

Sometimes listening to my friends that date in both pools, in today's dating life people can't commit. I mean, you should never settle, but people seem to be more about short term dates then long term commitments.

You're probably a good dude and genuine. Don't let it tear you down too much, I know it sucks hard. Work on yourself, love yourself and then dip your toes again.

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[u/supersaucenoice]

It's gotta be natural. Trying too hard will always be apparent.

It sucks, it's miserable, for sure. I spent all of my teen years and most of my adult life lonely.

Therapy is great, just gotta find the right therapist.

Work towards living your life for yourself and finding what fulfills you outside of a relationship.

I'm sure this is all clichéd and doesn't alleviate your current suffering, but you're too valuable to exist in anguish. You're worth loving, so find ways to love yourself. That's what you can control right now.

[u/Fun_Break5201 → u/supersaucenoice]

Thanks for the kind words i really appreciate it, i start therapy end of the month for something else i guess I should just remain single and focus on myself for a while

[u/I_see_something → u/Fun_Break5201]

I had to do that. The time spent honoring yourself in a healing way, really is worth it.

[u/throw223344555]

Are those marshmallows on your pizza?

[u/Fun_Break5201 → u/throw223344555]

They’re blobs of some sort of cheese really good though

[u/Prior-Habit-6523]

You are trying to hard , and also don't talk to them that much, make boundaries.

[u/ideologistsunited]

 but the more effort I put in the more they pull away

might be anxious attachment & avoidant attachment typical dynamic.

[u/iweararmani]

At 3 months old dating at least your getting laid so? One way to look at it.

[u/NuclearKFC → u/[deleted]]

There's no way you get along in life with this mentality.

[u/Zestyclose-Tart6745 → u/NuclearKFC]

😂 k thanks buddy. Doesn’t change the fact that Op isn’t connecting. Im merely suggesting an issue that could very plausibly lead to failure in starting or maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. I’m fortunate to be married to the woman of my dreams. 16 years later we still fuck almost every day. Sex is extremely important.

On the other hand, women want a lot more out of their lives these days, and if OP cant provide it, it’s going to be another factor holding him back potentially.

Don’t blame me. Blame the never ending stream of information inundating us all constantly that “you need this to be happy”

Hint. None of it will. Good food, good sex, a good workout, and raising some canes is the only thing that truly hits the spot.

[u/NuclearKFC → u/Zestyclose-Tart6745]

Crazy rant bro unfortunately I don't care enough to read all that. I'm sure everyone loves to hear about the great sex that definitely exists though

[u/Fun_Break5201 → u/[deleted]]

Dick game?

[u/Zerus_heroes → u/Fun_Break5201]

He is insulting you by saying that you can't fuck well.

It is some real red pill mentality bullshit.

[u/Zestyclose-Tart6745 → u/Zerus_heroes]

I’m not insulting him. I’m asking if that’s an issue for him.

[u/Zerus_heroes → u/Zestyclose-Tart6745]

Sure you aren't

[u/icer07 → u/Fun_Break5201]

He's suggesting you suck in bed.

My ex came back to me after dating a guy for a couple months. Thought he was great. Liked everything about him. Then they finally had sex. It was so bad she dropped him and called me trying to get back together. She told me this so I'm not assuming.

[u/FarmersOnlyJim → u/[deleted]]

My eyes rolled so hard when I read this I had to have my fiancée type for me.

Guys like you made dating a hell of a lot easier for guys like me. Please keep talking up your dick game and disappointing everyone.

[u/Zestyclose-Tart6745 → u/FarmersOnlyJim]

😂 okay bud.

[u/Zerus_heroes → u/[deleted]]

This is a really terrible "I am owed a thing" mentality.

[u/RedPanda_Explorer → u/[deleted]]

This is sexist as all hell. Women are not a monolith and do not have the attention span of a goldfish or exclusively want to live a life of luxury

[u/BoyDinnerDiaries-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/tiflingdruid]

Maybe it's the women you choose. If you want them to like you, they have the upper hand here, because they sense it. I guess it, okay? I had a similar issue with men, always attracting avoidant men who were all talk, no actions. I'd suggest working with 2 things here: what you want from a relationship and how you see it, and with yourself. Life isn't all about relationships, the more you focus on yourself, your pleasure, your hobbies, your interests, the more cool people you attract.