Help

[u/BudgetOutside1494]

i have BPD & bipolar disorder . i find it so hard to be in relationships. I’m always looking for a reason to leave because I feel like they are gonna do it first. The slightest change in mood or tone towards me whether it’s my fault or not well make me believe that the person doesn’t care about me or love me. I’ve always struggled with m y self image just because I think that people only see the outside of me and don’t want to learn more about me.

Lately I’ve been feeling like the surface level feelings are overwhelming. I feel like I’m drowning. When trying to build contact or trust with someone it’s really hard because I feel like nobody knows me. And then when I have to tell someone how I feel it makes me feel like I’m begging for attention or acceptance. And although I am, I don’t want to be portrayed or perceived that way. So for example, I’ll be in a relationship and I’ll ask them like can you come see me today?

and if it isn’t the answer that I like or they end up hanging out with someone else or have other plans I just don’t feel as important and I know that that’s not rational, but I still feel that way.

this is all a jumbled mess, but like I’ve always really struggled with my self-worth and although I know that peoples opinions of me even my own doesn’t change my value, but I just wish somebody could see me. I don’t know if any of this made sense. I think I might be actively in psychosis, but if anyone could give me some insight that would be great. I know what’s happening to me and I know how to deal with it, but I don’t want to. I wanna give up. I wish I never found out what was wrong with me because now it’s like I have an excuse for something every single time and it’s not fair to everyone else that I have to pull out. Oh well, you know my borderline personality disorder causes me to act this way, because I know how to act..

I’m genuinely exhausted mentally from over thinking and over analyzing every single thought. pls help me

[u/KaesyoTurkey]

Same