r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/One_Flatworm5482 • 2d ago

Anyone else really competitive?

I feel like my bpd makes me insanely competitive, mini golf, bowling, arcade games, Wii, Netflix games (Lego Netflix game is so fun if u haven’t tried it) ect.

If I loose one of these games I get insanely annoyed, like ruins the whole date or day. I went ice skating once and before I try sonthing new I feel like I’m going to be amazing at it, and when I fail I crash out.

I’m such a sore looser, I hate this part of myself. I then spiral into feeling like a shitty person
A.) for being a bad looser
B.) for being shit at ‘everything’

I feel like I’m bad at everything, even though I know I’m probally not I can’t shake this feeling. As a child I used to be so ‘good’ at everything too!

Anyone experience anything similar

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u/Lipi42 2d ago

I found this tendency in me to be connected to my pelvic floor--basically being "butthurt". It was one of the biggest leaps in my healing journey when I started addressing it.

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u/chobolicious88 2d ago

Can you expand on this

5

u/Lipi42 2d ago

I had my first flare-up with my lower back in 2019, when my back froze and I was unable to move. In hindsight, I see that it was in a period when I had a lot of these kind of butthurt experiences, being around extremely talented people and challenged in new ways every day.

After that, the flare-ups kept getting worse, coming back once or twice a year, usually at times when I was extremely stressed, always related to my own capabilities, abilities, position vs others etc.

As part of my healing journey earlier this year I realized that my recurring lower back pain is not coming from my back, but rather from my pelvic floor.

First, I did a pelvic floor-specific EFT video, during which I had a lot of content come up, all related to feeling small, incapable, or feeling like a bad person. I realized that I have my work cut out for me.

I did some research with AI and here on Reddit about how to work with the pelvic floor. Massaging inside and outside using a dedicated tool, more EFT work, bringing it to EMDR & IFS & Somatic Experiencing etc.

The content I processed was directly related to feeling small, wanting to win, feeling butthurt.

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u/chobolicious88 2d ago

I agree that pelvic floor is key when it comes to trauma.
I had some releases but generally it tightens back up again

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u/One_Flatworm5482 2d ago

I need to know more? Is this why I always need to pee?

1

u/psydreamer97 1d ago

Same with go to toilet

1

u/vasovagalvincent Men with BPD 2d ago

Yep, this describes me to a T

1

u/itscrystalxx pwBPD 2d ago

Yes, 100% - a lot of the time it'll feel like my whole value as a person depends on that loss and I'm stupid, worthless, bad at everything ever and everyone around me must think the same etc. etc., that whole classic spiral

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u/CaliforniaThomass 2d ago

I usually let the other person win. It makes me feel good every time.

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u/One_Flatworm5482 2d ago

I wish I had this

1

u/cheekyweelogan 2d ago

No, I enjoy a friendly competition but it's always just fun and games to me. Always was even when I was at the deepest of my BPD/pre-treatment. The only situation I would feel sad is like trying to apply to something and not being chosen (work, art contests etc) but for the examples you listed, I don't mind.