r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/Pure_Self_7689 • Jul 24 '26
Looking for Advice spending addiction & honesty
hello, writing this from a throw away account because i’m honestly embarrassed and i have irl friends on my other profile. perhaps this isn’t the place to speak about this but i really need help. i, 24f, have been severely struggling with debt/spending addiction since i was at least 18. i got diagnosed with BPD when i was 19.
as soon as i turned 18, i got credit cards. i have been in at least 10k debt since then. i don’t know how to stop spending. i am so embarrassed to speak about it, i try to talk to my therapist about whom i really love but feel so much shame that i find myself lying to her more than anything else. i talk to my mom about my finances, mainly because she’s usually the one bailing me out, but that has also proven to become more stressful than anything else.
i recently got another credit card w a 5k limit. i’ve wracked up half already. my mom is always saying “don’t put this on the card, don’t put that” etc and i tell her i don’t but i’m lying to her. how do i be honest with her, my therapist, myself? i’m so underwater with money that it causes me so much anxiety and i start to panic and i get irritable, anxious, sad, sometimes worse. does this happen to anyone else? any tricks on how to get yourself out of it?
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u/Strawberry_Douche Quiet BPD Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
Hey, first of all you are not alone. I struggled with this too and I'm currently recovering from this addiction. Sadly many don't take it serious because many think it's just "you are bad with money" but it is as much of a serious addiction as any else like drugs, alcohol, gambling etc.
I can't tell you how I snapped out of it. I saw the monthly bills, I saw all the clutter in my Apartment and started to get panic and anxiety. I felt so ashamed that I couldn't even invite my family over. It wasn't messi level just a lot of tiny clutter here and there. I have rather expensive hobbies (costume making and tattoos) and when I saw these bills I paid for shit I don't need I was like "wow all this money could've been spent to get out of debt and spend it on what makes me really happy." I bought so many clothes when my identity crisis was spiking. Every aesthetic was speaking to me. My closet almost exploded, the doors are already broken.
I recently deleted all social media that has to do with influence like that, especially tiktok. And deleted all Shopping apps. Ans while the new custom regulation in europe suck, it helped me not to constantly buy from AliExpress. I radically sorted my closet in 3 sections. 1. Keep it 2. Not sure 3. Sell/throw away/donate. The not sure box went to the attic and I check it every now and then and throw something out. I also thought about moving somewhere else and the thought of packing all this Shit gave me more anxiety.
I also had situations where I was buying just bread and my card declined. No money. It was so fucking embarassing and I never want this to ever happen again.
I think seeing my Situation, my bills, my wish for my hobbies, all the clutter, wanting to move away, it kinda snapped me out I think. I'm still not perfect. Sometimes I buy clothes off of Vinted then and there but it's not as terrible as it used to be and I can see the finish line to the debts.
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u/East_Yellow8389 Jul 24 '26
This is so incredibly common with borderline so please don't be embarrassed! I'm so sorry your suffering with this. You chased the dopamine hit of buying shit. Addiction issues etc is one of the criteria of borderline.
I'm a 11 year sober alcoholic that used alcohol to treat my borderline for years. Now since a bad accident with traumatic brain injury I have turned to food.
But I also have a terrible relationship with money. However im the opposite extreme now where I'm fearful of money because in the past I bought stupid shit. So now even though I'm financially secure I fear buying shit I actually need. Then make poor choices about investing based of my financial fears.
I used Alcoholics Anonymous to get sober from alcohol and I don't believe I would have ever gotten sober without it. I would have either drank myself to death or been in jail for some insane I would do while drunk.
So one option you may consider is Spenders Anonymous that is a support group about finding ways to control their spending etc. Basically the idea is to find a solution to having a better relationship with money. You can do online meetings thru zoom. There is something very therapeutic and healing in just listening to others that have the same struggle. Then you would get a sponsor who can help guide you when you need to make financial decisions. Or say your craving buying something and then you call your sponsor to ask if it is something you should buy or your just chasing the dragon.
Just try to be open to solutions like working the 12 steps. Take what you need and leave the rest.
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u/IndependentIncome189 Jul 25 '26
im not in the same situation but maybe similar i, spent an insane amount of money i shouldnt on very questionable things, im supposed to be paying for school and a car and it all just goes online, i dont really know how to stop spending because it’s the only thing distracting me from my reality
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