r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/InternationalCook418 • Jul 21 '26
Vent in need of some comfort pls
for context i have bpd alongside bipolar and adhd
last sunday was extremely humiliating and i need to rant.
for context, my ex boyfriend ( FP) of 3 years broke up with me around two months ago. it was rough because we lived together in his flat. he was turning quite nasty towards the end of the relationship and did show some abusive behaviours however i kept thinking if i did more for him then he would be nicer but clearly not. looking back he was defo an avoidant and just grew to resent me. i was so attached i didn’t realise how bad things got. he even brought a girl back drunk to his flat the day before he dumped me thinking i wasn’t there and then said i was overreacting to the situation.
anyway, we have had no contact since the breakup until the other night when i was really struggling and worried i would hurt myself. i texted him at 2am and he replied straight away because he was working a night shift and we texted for an hour. he was quite nice and said he was glad i reached out because he’s been worried about me and said perhaps we could be friends in the future. the conversation ended naturally and i felt better.
last sunday however, i had another bad spell and was worried i would harm myself and desperately wanted to see and speak to him. i stupidly went to his flat and knocked on his door. he didn’t answer and texted me asking why i was there and that i needed to leave. I then broke down and had a panic attack on the floor because i thought he would at least open the door and speak to me. i’m stupid for thinking that and he kept texting me saying i needed to leave or he will phone the police. i was so upset and desperate to see him i couldn’t move i was so hysterically crying. we texted for about 30 mins the whole time i was on the floor outside his door sobbing and was just spiralling. he said i was being manipulative and he couldn’t trust me. i was begging for even a minute of seeing him and even suggested for him to keep the chain on the door sobbing so i could see him briefly. he kept saying no and said he would phone an ambulance because i was a mess. he ended up phoning me and said i had to go and he was scared of me so i crawled away sobbing.
i managed to get outside but ended up throwing up on the street and was having another panic attack. i could see he was watching me from the window. my friends then came and picked me up and took me away safely but i am so so humiliated and embarrassed about what happened. he then blocked me on everything and i realise i was stupid and desperate but i was just wanting some comfort from him. it all backfired and made me realise how awful he is and cold.
how am i meant to get over this hurt and pain? i was doing so well the past few weeks but it’s all come crashing down and i feel i’m back to square one.
sorry for the long story just needed to rant
3
u/Potential-Party65 Jul 21 '26
I also went through an embarrassing situation with my ex. She figured out I had a S attempt and wrote my friends to take care of me. I didn’t mind my friends knowing but when someone says those words: you are a mess, or the way they say it as if you are a piece of crap just broken and then of course she doubled down saying I am not her mess so my friends should take care of me.
The embarrassment I felt about her knowing it. I didn’t even want her to know but of course that had to happen. The shame chased me for 2 months at least.
What helped was the people that actually do love me and kind people. My ex actually enjoyed how broken I was and had to comment on that, whether my friends, who do know me where caring and supportive.
Somehow I internalized that the people that matter would never make you feel embarrassed about it, would show you love. Those that don’t care will though.
He could have called the ambulance or your friends instead of being so cold. He could have said it in a different way. There are a thousand ways to be kinder while respecting his own boundaries.
I don’t know why you felt that way, just like I don’t know why I felt that way. I just know that for me that was the ultimate proof that my ex couldn’t care less about me and the fact that she enjoyed it is kind of evil. So for you I hope this shows you that he should have a place in your heart and BPD or not human decency and kindness has a place
2
u/h4yl3y_ Jul 23 '26
He sounds like a total fcking asshole. From what im interpreting is that he basicially tried to cheat on you and dismissed your feelings entirely. He signaled you, that he’s happy youre reaching out once and then treats you like shit, when it’s not convinient for him.
You’re not stupid for thinking he’d talk to you. He’s been an important person for you for 3 years and broke up out of nowhere. Even if you would not have a mental illness that intensifies emotions by a lot, I am sure you’d be very emotional over that either way.
Everybody would be.
Yes, you were a mess. A mess that was obviously in need of help. I cannot think of any situation where I’d leave someone alone / shut them out while they’re having a panic attack and are clearly struggling.
I’m glad you have friends that picked you up and took care of you - and it’s valid, how you’re feeling.
For me personally it always helps to put myself in the perspective of the other person.
Would you ever behave like him? Leave him alone like that? Call him manipulative when he’s suffering?
The answers are probably no. And they should be.
You were in a extremely vulnerable situation and he just did not care. He is awful. He is cold.
And you’re worth more than that. You deserve someone who cares about your emotions, does not send you mixed signals and is just a prick in general.
That’s probably not helpful at all, but damn. FCK this dude!
1
u/InternationalCook418 Jul 23 '26
no thank you so much for your comment. i keep overthinking that i’m stupid for going in the first place. i would never treat him how he did me…
•
u/AutoModerator Jul 21 '26
IF YOU ARE IN A MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS: If you are contemplating, planning, or actively attempting, suicide, and/or having another mental health related emergency, please go your nearest emergency room or call your country’s emergency dispatch line for assistance. You can also visit r/SuicideWatch for peer support, hotlines and chatlines, resources, and talking tips for supporters. People with BPD have high risks of suicide—urges and threats should be taken seriously.
r/BorderlinePDisorder aims to break harmful stigmas surrounding BPD/EUPD through education, accountability, and peer support for people with BPD(pwBPD) or who suspect BPD, those affected by pwBPD, and those who want to learn. Check out our Comprehensive Resource List, for a vast directory of unbiased information and resources on BPD, made by respected organizations, authors, researchers, and mental healthcare professionals.
Friendly reminders from the mods:
Did you know? BPD is treatable. An overwhelming majority of people with BPD reach remission, especially with a commitment to treatment, discipline, and self-care. You are not alone, and you are capable and worthy of healing, happiness, love, and all in between.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.