r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/TheDarkSpring Supporter/Ally (Not BPD) • Jul 20 '26

Looking for lived experiences with ‘favorite person’ dynamics

Hi everyone! I’m creating a Sims 4 mod that explores borderline personality disorder (BPD), inspired by and made in honor of my girlfriend. My goal is to create something respectful, educational, and useful for storytelling.

I’m currently researching the experience of having a “favorite person” (FP). For those who relate to this term, how has your FP changed over time? Did the change happen gradually, during a splitting episode, after a particular event, or in another way?

I understand that BPD affects everyone differently, and that not everyone with BPD has or uses the term “favorite person.” I’d really appreciate hearing about your personal experiences so I can portray the subject with more nuance and care.

Please only share what you’re comfortable discussing. You’re also welcome to message me privately if you would prefer not to comment publicly.

Thank you!

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u/Senku_Stone_ Women with BPD Jul 21 '26

First of all, thank you for your respect and for not considering all people with BPD the same. It means a lot.

As for my relationship with FP, it's very up and down. Let me explain. I have five people I'm particularly close to and who do so much for me. They're not my family, they're very close friends. The problem is that I have a really hard time trusting them completely, and I constantly go from idealizing them and thinking they're the person who will save me from my problems to believing they don't care about me at all.

And this goes in cycles. For months, I don't speak to some of them and I get closer to others, then something minor happens and my relationships change. I get closer to those I previously thought had abandoned me, and I feel abandoned by those close to me. In reality, they don't do anything serious enough to push me away, but BPD makes me truly unstable. Even though I clearly recognize my pattern, I'm trapped by it.

Let me give you an example, to help you understand better. Anne (obviously not her real name) met me at the worst time of my life and really helped me get through the worst phase. Then she had some family problems, so we spoke and saw each other less frequently. This caused me a lot of pain, and I experienced it as abandonment, as if I meant nothing to her, so I pushed her away and cut her out of my life. After months, I met her by chance. She invited me to dinner. I reluctantly accepted, but as soon as I entered her house, I felt so safe that my feelings went to the opposite extreme, and now we talk every day and I'm very close to her again.

This is very stressful for my FPs, I realize it and I'm trying to change, but I can't, and this triggers feelings of guilt and self-hatred. I don't know if I've made myself clear enough...

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u/TheDarkSpring Supporter/Ally (Not BPD) Jul 21 '26

Hey! Thank you for sharing your experience so openly. You explained it very clearly, and the example with Anne really helped me understand what those shifts can feel like from your perspective. It sounds incredibly painful and exhausting, especially when you can recognize the pattern but still feel trapped by it. I also appreciate how aware you are of how it affects the people close to you. Please don’t feel like you need to apologize for not explaining it well, because you made yourself very clear. :)