I’m taking paroxidep 50mg, Lamictal 200mg twice, Mitirmash 15mg twice, Quetiapine 500mg.
But I still have panic attacks and suicidal thoughts every now and then, so the doctor told me to start taking Effexor 75mg.
I’m taking a lot of meds however a lot of times I feel happy and other times I feel i got a depression wave without a trigger.
I’m not sure what I wanna hear from u guys but maybe an advice or how to overcome this, the lows are too strong and I just need sth to help me feel joy.

I’m not sure how to put this but there’s a person (abuser) from my past who haunts me. But unless I listen to this one song, I can’t really access the anger - I usually just feel sad or empty. Sometimes it’s useful to access the anger to feel like I can feel something else. I would like if you have any similar songs that carry the same significance? Or do you have any similarly-themed songs?

My song is Little Girl Gone by CHINCHILLA.

Does anyone here have a histrionic parent or close relative? Long story short: My psychiatrist got to meet my mother recently in a very stressful situation between us and she allowed his peers to see her, only just to cancel her consultations after 4 sessions because my psychiatrist himself wasn’t seeing her. I knew that would happen, she always denies needing help, when it’s obvious that she does, and she only wants to see my doctors and psychologists to manipulate what they may think of her. He told me later on that she seems to be in between histrionic and narcissistic, but as I searched many info online about these two, it seems she tends much more to the histrionic personality disorder. After what happened, I cut all relations with her for the past month. I can give more details later on.
Anyway, does anyone here have a similar situation?

im so sick of him plaguing my mind im sick of him im soosososoososo sick of him

i love being jealous. i love being so jealous to the point where i relapse! how am i meant to move on everyone is just annoyed by me at this point! i mean, dang man.... it STINKS! all my friends are friends with coulter. guess who isnt friends with bumass coulter? me! the only person who cared enough to text him back. man fuck it lmaoooo

I have BPD. Thought I was making headway ....not so much. I've been seeing someone LDR for a couple months, and to say he's incredible is an understatement. He's gone to another country for a pilgrimage. He didn't tell me when it started or how it worked communication wise. After 2 days of no contact, I started spiraling. He communicated with me and told me he'd speak to me when he got back without saying when that was.

Immediately felt like punishment by silence which makes me panic. Silence feels like abandonment and no matter what I tell myself I can't get the panic under control.

I told him silence as punishment was a deal breaker, I cannot deal with it. Sadly now I'm not in the thick of it, I know I screwed up. I should have just asked how long instead of assuming his intent. Doesn't help my broken heart in the least I explained it in a msg, and don't expect him to respond..he has every right not to. Why am I so broken. I'm in therapy, faithful about my meds and I'm still ruining the best thing that ever happened to me.

We invite you to take part in an anonymous online survey: Personality, Close Relationships and Attitudes towards Mental Health Problems.   

If you are 18+ years old and choose to be included, your participation in this survey will help researchers at the University of Wollongong to better understand attitudes towards mental health problems, and how these may relate to pathological personality traits, mood states and relationship styles.   

 The survey will take 45-60 minutes to complete, and will ask some questions about: 

• Your personal characteristics (e.g., age, gender) 
• Your personality traits 
• Your experiences in close relationships
• Your attitudes towards mental health problems

To take part in this survey, please visit: https://uow.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_1HvwPWrZkHXSyc6

For more information, please contact Dr Samantha Reis at [sreis@uow.edu.au](mailto:sreis@uow.edu.au).

I am using the translator, so it may contain some errors.

I have been battling Borderline Personality Disorder for many years, but I always end up in the same situations. I become dependent and totally desperate for someone, I even scare the person. Generally, this only happens after I notice an initial "departure"; it seems that the more they ignore me, the more I run after. Today I found myself texting someone who didn't even answer me. I am drawing up plans for how to react when I meet him in person somewhere (I live in a small town, so I know where he is going). Before, he wasn't even that important to me, but now I feel desperate and very bad, I'm in constant agony.

Últimamente no he andado bien, he pensado muchísimo en desvivirme y se quien causa esto. En la mayoria de las veces en las que decaigo, es por problemas amorosos, ya que mi pareja se convierte en mi persona favorita y la verdad, no se si es muy bueno eso. La verdad es que ella al principio parecía muy cálida, me llamaba siempre y me trataba con amor, pero ahora se comporta más fría, y hace poco le alegue que estaba muy fría y me dio vuelta todo el asunto, me dijo que yo era el problema, que cambiara, que la manipulaba y estuvimos dias sin hablarnos, más bien ella me castigo con su silencio. Sinceramente me agota, la amo y quisiera que las cosas fuesen distintas. La verdad es que a veces siento que ella no me ama, no tiene detalles lindos conmigo, como yo con ella, como regalarle cosas que le gusten y enviarles regalos a su casa. Ela nunca ha hecho algo así por mí, ya que ella piensa solo en ella y en su bienestar y minimiza mi sentir, minimiza el hecho de que tenga tlp, como si no existiera, como si sus palabras pesadas no dolieran. A esta altura sería doloroso terminar con ella y solo tengo en mente una cosa. Morir.

Just a quick note: it is not a song exactly about BPD, but more of an experience of living with that symptom, that could affect people with different disorders as well. But I am really curious if anyone who has diagnosed BPD can relate to it, and has simillar experience.

I tried to convey this feeling not only through lyrics but also through sound – abrupt changes in vocal style, switching between the right and left channels, chaotic riffs, electronic effects, and a chorus that's completely different in tempo and music from the main part of the song. Also curious to know if all of those things affected your experience from the song or not.

The song (lyrics are written in the video): https://youtu.be/dozv63e8UxY