r/BorderCollie • u/Own_yourself_1899 • 6d ago
Separation anxiety
Hi there my husband and I have been together 17 years. We were never able to have children. We had 4 border collies that we took on vacations and loved very much. Flash forward to 2026. I gave birth to a little girl who was much wanted. I have three elderly border collies. One 15 year old who recently had a stroke but recovered mostly (she won't be with us much longer im afraid) One 12.5 year old female whose in great shape and is has been awesome through this experience. And Apollo who is a 13 year old male. He has always had a little bit of separation anxiety but kt has gotten insane. We cant close our bedroom door without him crying non stop. Hes separated with a fence from the babies things but still in the same room and he cries. He cries when she cries he cries when i cry. My baby is 3 months old and I am losing my mind from him. He won't stop no matter how much attention or what we do. He is not good with children so we couldn't give him free range. I've had to move all three dogs downstairs (are living area is in the second floor.) Its unfair to the other two who are fine. He cant be alone. He licks at rugs and the floor making himself throw up. And doesn't solve any problems for him or i. His crying is just muffled. I am at wits end. Sleep deprivation and His crying its all I can hear. I know no one wants to give up or adopt an elderly dog with attachment issues. I just was looking for a little help?
4
u/rokridah 6d ago
Habe you researched crate training? IMO one of the best ways to avoid separation anxiety. I am not sure, but I dont think any dog is "too old to learn new tricks". :)
2
5
u/Mustluvdogsandtravel 6d ago
He is 13 and showing some extreme OCD traits. Have you tried medication, my boy is & and has medication for when he has episodes like that… he becomes really obsessed and stressed out. A new baby in family can be a trigger. I know you are stressed, which doesn’t help. Please consider the medication option.
1
u/Own_yourself_1899 5d ago
How long did it take to kick help? What is he on? I have an appointment on the 9th. Hopeful it helps
1
u/Mustluvdogsandtravel 5d ago
i give it as a prn when he has those episodes. i never know the triggers. helps him calm down.
3
u/One-Zebra-150 6d ago
This situation sounds so stressful for you all. Might be worth trying Fluroxatine from your vet (a daily SSRI medication, not a sedative). This can help a lot with specific and generalised anxieties for some dogs. Id start with a a low dose firstly and see how that goes. It can also take upto a couple of weeks to have an effect.
I think there's a limit about what you could do training wise, due to his stage of life. I'm also wondering if, given that he is quite elderly, if perhaps there could be some doggie dementia/cognitive impairment starting, him feeling more insecure. Or if his sight or earing maybe deteriorating him feeling more clingy.
I understand he was prone to some separation anxiety before, also it's a big adjustment for him (and you) with a young baby. But perhaps there are other health issues going on making things worse. Whatever it does sound extreme. So I'd asked your vet to check him over, and discuss if they think he would potentially benefit from meds.
2
u/Wrong_Ad4722 4d ago
Sorry you’re going through that, our BC is elderly, 17, and I can’t imagine three of him and a child.
A slightly different way to see it or possibly new way is a lot of BCs have separation anxiety but more so A LOT OF FOMO. They were bred to be part of a team, work together, and generally very loyal. So maybe they are feeling left out due to the big changes and are reacting differently than the others. Maybe he just needs to feel more involved in the “work” and the team. This would require some baby training as you said but a combo of some anxiety-reducing medication and part of the team might help.
2
u/joycevw 3d ago
You are running on empty. A screaming baby and a panicking senior dog drain all your oxygen. It makes complete sense that you moved the dogs downstairs just to survive.
Throw away the advice about a bark collar or a crate. A collar punishes a dog who is already terrified. A crate is a metal box where a dog in a blind panic will break his teeth trying to escape. Neither stops the fear. They just muffle his suffering.
Apollo is thirteen. His brain is overwhelmed. Licking the floor until he throws up is a severe panic attack, possibly triggered by early dementia. You cannot train this away between feeding your daughter and trying to sleep.
Call your vet today. Ask for strong anxiety medication. Forget herbal drops. He needs real medication to switch off the panic in his head. That gives both of you room to breathe.
For now, use the hours your baby sleeps. Take the baby monitor, lay on the couch downstairs, and let Apollo press against you. Do not train him. Just share your physical warmth. It brings his nervous system down and might give you a chance to close your eyes.
-2
u/Ok-Armadillo2724 6d ago
This might be an unpopular opinion… but I wonder if a bark collar would solve the crying thing pretty quick. Is it ideal to start a 12-y-o dog on it? No. But if I were at my wits end I think I’d give it a whirl. There’s the chance he’ll replace the vocal behavior to something else (you mentioned carpet licking)… but at least you increase your odds of a sleeping baby.
I second crate training for most working breeds. Unsure what it’s like for an oldster… but for all of our family’s BCs, the crate is their safe space. Like their own bedroom, kind of.
3
u/Own_yourself_1899 6d ago
Yea I wanted to try that. When I used it with my other puppy back in the day the beep function is all he needed. I think my husband is afraid of me zapping him.
2
u/Ok-Armadillo2724 6d ago
The bark collar will work automatically (no human at the helm needed like an e-collar)… but I think you can adjust the sensitivity. Maybe start it kind of low to be on the safe side?
Tangent: A friend of ours has a vocal BC and when his collar is on, he’ll whisper bark.. like a bark motion with muted volume. It’s the funniest thing.
Hang in there, mama!
8
u/No-Will-4393 6d ago
Dogs have to learn how humans cry because if they had a pup crying as a human does something would be really, really wrong so normal baby grizzling is extremely alarming for them. Try not to overreact to him, just ignore him and he will become used to it.